The Sharp Edge of Suffering amd the Sweet Sound of Shakti.

Are you afraid of the dark? Me too. Is that why we pretend to be ok when we’re not? The process of admitting the light we actually are requires deep exploration in the dark nights we would rather forget. Our voices uncovering with time as we learn to listen in the spaces absent of it.

... 

Incomparable, irreplaceable, beautiful, you who makes every wrong a right. How could I ever repay you for holding me in these hours?

My guilt won’t let me rest. I don’t even deserve sleep. Food. Or anything that would nourish me at all. I have betrayed and I have become my own worst nightmare. I deserve to die because I have failed the ones I love the most.

Since the seed of awakening burst open in my heart, since I found out how Love will do anything to get the recognition she deserves even if it means destroying your life, I have fallen lost.

The inside of my studio is painted red, and the barn ceilings above feel like the healthy womb I never got to experience. But the thoughts that are coming through, about him, about her are so painful I can’t sit still. I have to dance and move the grief and guilt out. I have to sing and scream all that I don’t yet understand.

I “know” about the trauma here but I do NOT know what to do with it. I even tried a therapist, a man who fell in love with me and wanted me to still pay him to be my surrogate boyfriend to do the healing work around this pattern of unconscious relating I’m experiencing. I have literal signs all the time from the universe helping me to wake up, and yet sometimes the only way is through these tear stained pillow cases. I can sense the gratest sense of worth and power in this somewhere, even as I ‘m curled omupnin a ball on the floor, or screaming to the doves and owls outside my studio window.

I feel the unconscious patterns of abuse are pulling me from here to there and everywhere I wanted, and didn’t want, to go. Naure will help me heal them. I will let her, I have no other choice.

Here floating in the Pacific, hoping I ‘ll come to when I ‘ve drifted just a little too far out. Hiking these hills, feeling the presence and the pain of those who’ve stepped foot on that land before me. I notice somedays I am fully receiving every shift in the wind, each ounce of light into my pores, my mind like the sky, and others I can’t stop thinking about everything I ‘ve done wrong to avoid the lain of the present moment.

I am standing on the edge of the sword of suffering and I can fall to the pain or hop to the pleasure. Which will be what I need right now? Which will bring me eventually back to wholeness? Which will keep me alive?

I’m integating now the parts long lost and denied. Im hearing the sound of Shakti call me back home.

 ...

As hard as it can be at times, the world is hungry and in need of people who feel and grow. If you get quiet (honest) enough you’ll hear that crisp and luring sound of Shakti inside the squeezing sharp ess of suffering, within the pressure Spirit puts on us to grow and evolve. We lean towards pain to grow and to know when it’s time to move on. 

In my years of spiritual training I learned how to absorb the energy of Grace. How to open my vessel to be a conduit for this unconditional Love.  How to listen to the song that is in the wind and to the sound of that creative wild feminine force of transformation and Love that in Sanskrit is called Shakti.

Hearing and following the sound of Shakti also took me down some beautiful places and also up against windy and bumpy roads where I found myself alone, in silence and with the fear of telling anyone what I was experiencing.

It’s amazing how we can never see in the moments of grief, despair, suicidal thoughts, guilt and shame the very suffering we are in is how we are also here to help, when the time is right. Which is isn’t always. There’s a time for healing too. There have been experiences I have gone through that I recognized as things I had been conditioned to do since I was a fetus in the womb.


Some great and many not so great. Sometimes we can say things like ... “oh I ‘d never do that..”, but I’m not sure any one can honestly say that u less they have been there and knew at the time what the right thing was to do. Awareness unfolds naturally and at her own pace that we have no control over but we can actively choose to participate in the unfoldment of.


When we heal from our conditioning we have to explore and look at and even re-experience the things we have gone through in the past. There is no easy fix or pill to pop to really get the healing we need to be free. (Although medication can be an integral part of the process depending on what you’re going through.) Over the past few years of therapy and lots of continued support with mentors and writing our experiences, on top of many years of a devoted spiritual practice and training, I have learned that you do have to feel it to heal it. As hard as it can be at times, the world is hungry and in need  of people who feel and grow.

When I find myself standing on the sharpe edge of suffering I try now to let it cut me. Meaning, I try to move towards the pain (with support so not to get stuck in becoming it), and let it show me who I really am underneath what I think or what I ‘ve experienced.

This whole embodiment work is about being IN the body but remembering the body is not all there is. This is the feminine way, the all inclusive, inter-related path of spirituality. It is not seperate from our humanness.

You will be given glorious gifts and powerful seeds planted in your heart. And to be solid and authentic enough to be share them you will be asked to confront your biggest fears, and if you’re like me you will make mistakes that will force you into deep placing of remorse, redemption and eventually, when the time is right, a  big time surrender and let go in a security within no can see but they can sense, ans more important you have for life.

The sharp edge of suffering will cut you not to hurt you but with a purpose. We don’t always know what it is, some of it inexplainable. She is not here to harm but show you how to be both a living Spirit and an soul in a human body that has a greater purpose. The sound of Shakti will be the Grace that holds you through it, that carries you across the ocean of difficulty. But you will be the one to stand up with the sword in hand, and perhaps be the first one in your lineage to put an end to the flavor of suffering that has lived in your cells and those who came before you for thousands of years.

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The Art of Seduction - the Power + Pitfalls

“I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me, God can work theough anyone.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Reclaiming our Power to Heal, Charm and be Called further into this Life of Divine Love

 

Few of us will trust something we can’t directly feel. On the path of Bhakti yoga (Yoga of Love), we have this unique opportunity to taste and be lured in to a more real and trustworthy experience if life.

No one I know wants to put her worth on something outside, yet it is common for many of us to seek some validation, somethintg that will say ... “YES! YOU’RE HERE! I SEE YOU! YOU BELONG!” I believe there is something really healthy about this, and I also know the dangerous and gut wrenching trenches of giving your power over to another. This is where the lure of God/Goddess comes in. 

In devotional Tantra we view all aspects and thoughts as the creative feminine energy called Shakti. So nothing is left out of the sacred and anything can be felt as an experience of divinity. The painful experiences in life so seldom remind us of our wholeness, but if we’re willing it can all become what the spiritual teacher Ram Dass calls .. “grist for the mill” (of our awakening/evolution).

In a day and age where we can “choose” our spiritual path and what it includes, we can miss out on a really beuatiful aspect of re-connecting to our true nature, which is the allowing, to unknowing, the openness to be seduced and surrendered by a force greater than us.

When we have found the sweetness of what I ‘ll call the “Lure of the Lord”, we naturally dissolve seeking validation on the outside and come to the only things that we get to take with us in the end.

How much we truly loved

How to let go

and perhaps …

How to fall into prayer

In an awakening life we are asked to look at and face the pain of our attachments and in learning how to attach in secure and healthy ways, we are shown all the habitual ways we cling to what is familiar. It’s important to cultivate gentleness with ourselves as we grow at the rate that only we can, and to find places where we can held in who we are with unconditional love.

The power that meditation plays is not one of numbing our senses or quieting our mind even. One of my teachers Baba Muktananda would say about the mind …

“You have to stop chasing the mind getting rid of thoughts. Your mind is simply a limited form of the creative consciousness That creates infinite worlds And therefore your mind is going to create infinite worlds on the inside, so a way to look at them is to say everything that arises in my mind is an aspect of Shakti, an aspect of goddess.  So if you look at your mind as Goddess,  everything that arises within it as part of goddess, then your attitude Toward your mind will become more naturally Reverent, and your mind will start to behave — your mind will start to give you a break.”

The transmissions we can receive come from karma I believe, as well as our willingness to open to them, which meditation plays a huge part in. As always it’s all a messy Mystery but cluess ans checkpoints along the way I believe can shape our destiny. 

There are deeper awakenings that the pain of coming home to the body offers such as compassion, exploring and holding intense feelings for ourselves and another as opposed to only identifying with consciousness out of the body and using our practice to deny this life and world.

The wrathful feminine Durga and Kali Ma that shot me in the heart with an arrow and seduced me to take her as my bride, my lover, my soulmate. The Goddess of abundance Lakshmi has held as sustained me even as an ocean in times of an intense financial and emotional bottom ridden with mental anguish and pain and Saraswati led me here all along revealing the beauty in the heartaches and sadness and the power in us to heal and reclaim through writing and singing.

They have all seduced me and sharing their Love and power with this world has both completely destroyed me and make my life shine brighter than I could have ever imagined.i have also tried to give this power away to men, spiritual teachers and anyone who would come along and take it. I come from a long lineage of women as many do, who have given and had their power taken away by those around them through abuse and neglect. I had to learn the hard way what it means to truly know and trust yourself. And this is always in a work of art in process. 

Many mystics and saints in history have found this seduction with Spirit. An overwhelming attraction to connecting to that which they could not see but could taste, sense and receive. I can relate more to this than I can to the devotion to a worldly life at times, which is why that is my work in this lifetime. I believe this merging is the path for many of us in this phase of our evolution.

So when it come to relationships and love, it is still for most people … messy and passionate or boring and safe. And of course everything in between. But I have faith is us, in Love. I have faith in the ways we are learning to communicate more clearly, and take off the brave faces in exchange for the vulnerable ones. In the admittance of our lies and acknowledgment that non clarity and commitment, the secrets we keep from our lovers creates barriers to intimacy, joy and beauty. I have faith in us as a humanity and more so in the Earth and her powerful ways of sustaining, however grim it can seem at times right now. 

It's easy to get seduced by things, people on the outside. Maybe they have something we want, or we are projecting what we want on to them. Maybe we have tasted a power in their presence and we want to give the love we feel back to them. Maybe we have rushed into something out of fear of facing our consequences, our pain, or saying no and losing love again. It’s all human and how we learn.

A young woman who just begins to feel the overwhelming power of seduction and love in her own body and wants nothing more than to feel the love she never got from her father. And there he is, one who happens to need an endless amount of attention to feel whole. In some ways, a perfect match, in others a recipe for stunted growth and disempowerment.

I ‘ve made my way through cuddle tents, rejected massages from men named Hanuman at festivals, made Love while others watched. Fell in love with my best friends and experienced the extreme best and the worst love in history. We call it art because it’s messy and full spectrum. To know the true light of something I believe we asked to explore the dark, the shadow of it, of us. I ‘ve felt the lure of attraction pull me towards people who could not have my back, even when they said they did and I have been seduced in the sweetest ways imaginable.

Spiritual love and human love are different, although they possess many of the same qualities and lessons to learn from. I didn't have to find the dark Goddess, she found me. 

Awakening to her power, to the innate power in your own own heart eventually leads us out of living in fight or flight, although the ways that she can move and shake us might take us further in first so we can get real about what we are working with. The art of seduction in the spiritual sense when truly directed toward God and Goddess, to nature and your own intuitive breath and awareness can cultivate a long lasting connection to a trust and love within that is so juicy!

Creating and then nurturing a foundation where the mystery of intimacy can dance , play, swirl, dance move, jump, laugh and come alive within your own heart is the essence of the Art of Seduction. We are always playing some game with life, with another, there is always unconscious at play underneath who are pretending to be.  We don't want to get a grasp on love, on intimacy, on that which we can always expand further and more wildly into. We want to learn more skillful ways to approach, and allow ourselves to swim in the ocean of bliss from which we came.

Dealing with the shame that arises when we don't listen to our intuition is one way to reclaim and honor who you are in this very moment and be lured into greater freedom through forgiveness. No one has done it perfectly and many have been hurt in spiritual scenes through the art of seduction, making it seem like you will gain by doing certain things and that shame and trauma can be overridden by spiritual states that maybe in some contexts works, but for most it results in a crash and burn.

The reality is that we all have to face our pain and learn from it just as much as we can fall into fantasy and pleasure with one another. When relating there are many layers and for me they vary from the deepest most authentic love to the most addictive and habitual. Love can cause us great pain, and all the mystical saints spoke to this pain and desire to connect as longing. This longing for them was not for another, but for God and for the knowing they could sense but not always reach. Here we are in this day and age with God, and with one another. No one had to figure all this out ans we are all learning.

But this world is here and ready to seduce everyday with her beauty and with her battering. How will we meet her? It's ok to take time to grieve, to cry, to let the messages come in for a period of time before you start putting them out again. How can we lift one another up with reflections of goodness and receive the hidden blessings in the heartbeat of our neighbor, in the whispy clouds and the roling sounds of the ocean coming closer and then pulling away. We are all in constant seduction of the greatest Love that comes from the deepest forgetting.

a prayer for today ... 

I am yours. How can I please you? Show me how to serve you - your presence is infinite, incomprehensible. Your Grace we could never repay but please take the Love we have to give, use the ways we fail to show up with kindness and respect in our attempts to know you better and heal what we’ve been conditioned to believe about you, please burn away our limitations so we may better serve you. Help our eyes be willing to see the greatness of the gifts you have bestowed upon us and our hearts the openness and gratitude to receive them. Maybwe all feel safe in our shame, and learn forgiveness theough your wrath. May our hearts come to know a sweeter and softer love and be forever held in your embrace. Amen.

 

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Adriana RizzoloComment
The Greatest Lover

The greatest lover of my life did not come in a human form, for we know as sincere yogis that worldly comfort is nice but a total illusion.

As Mirabai shares in one of her poems ... "I have chosen the indestructible for my refuge. Him whom the snake of death will not devour. My Beloved dwells in my heart all day, I have actually seen that abode of joy."

We learn the hardest and the softest lessons in love. Our soul power comes through exploring the darkest crevices and caves of our being, so when they come up run if you'd like or stop and get curious if you can.

You may find as you learn to feel all that lives in your cells a compassion that is indescribable in words. A love that will never leave, even though we may experience it that way. This soul power that emerges in this investigation is the rising of Truth, it is the ending of abuse and hatred even in subtle ways.

On the spiritual path we are told God is within, and this is my experience, yet for many of us that is not ALWAYS the experience. So we pay the money go on retreat, do the training and have an "experience" of what God-dess means in our own flesh and blood. We go through the sleepless nights Mirabai talks about, we laugh with Hafiz and we merge into the ocean of oneness with Kabir. We see lotuses, we have spontaneous orgasms, and enter into the Kingdom (Queendom?) of God.


What a mystery! What an awakening! Thank you for this blessing! For this life that we have in all of it's pain and in all of it's pleasures. Thank you for giving us these Grace filled hearts.

Naturally many of us have some idea about God or Love or about the "feminine". So I wont tell you what it is but will share a story with you about the greatest love affair I ever had that was full of agony and ecstasy, abandonment and held more deeply than ever. If God is all pervasive then there is nowhere She is not and so there really is no getting away from it. What a great mystery (and cosmic joke)!

Many of us will be asked to spiritually abandon all we have known, our families, our ideas of not only God, but of right and wrong! In orderr to mature wmotionally and morally along with soiritually we may be asked to face into some deep regets ans humility. We may be asked to come clean and lose our shame in the middle of the crowd for once and for ALL.

When the pain of not living in alignment makes you sick to your stomach you start to listen and make tiny (or big) shifts as you continue to celebrate the small victories.

I've read how sexual trauma (first hand or passed down) and unprossessed grief can lead to shame that causes an imbalance in how we express ourselves sexually and in some cases addiction. In my work on myself and with others I’ve noticed this uncanny connection between unaddressed sexual abuse and our ability to be truly i timate, vulnerable ans honest. It can create a feeling like we need the feeling of that warm fleshy body against ours or we just may die. And one is often times never enough.

The way we connect when we have yet to explore the shadow of our repressed loss and abuse is through sexual energy. When we get that "feeling" with someone that part of us is affirmed and it needs that to survive. This power can be our shelter, the fire that warms us if we learn to face it and it can become the source of suffering for ourselves and our loved ones when it takes its turns towards betrayals and living inside lies that keep us powerless in some way.

From a psychological and feminine perspective lies make us sick. And the deepest work is usually the darkest. What we teach is often the shadows we've wrestled with and are currently facing within our own lives. In my experience when we generate or come into contact with a lot of spiritual energy— or shakti— there is either a heightened sense of sexuality or we become aware that we are disconnected form our sexuality all together.

This is not the case for all people of course but for some. This is where it can be tricky because co-dependence on that feeling which many women will perceive as love  can create a disconnect from our yrue power and presence.

My experience of having energetic awakenings has been primarity focused in the lower chakras and the spiritual heart. I feel I have spent many lifetimes transcending this body in practice and it is my souls path to come back home to it in this one. This has not always been a pleasant experience and in other cases this kind of somatic healing has saved my life.

I've had many sexaul partners, not more than most but more than a few since I first had intercourse at the age of 15. I was always scared and spent many of those experiences leaving my body, never feeling safe enough to really let go into the arms of the lover. For sure over the years I've gone far out and have had some incredible oragasms and connections and "love"-making, but the truth is that I still to this day have not felt safe to truly let go.
I've seen rainbows and I have felt the opportunity to heal the sexual trauma in myself and my partners. I've been triggered into fight or flight, hiding like a wild animal and convinced by partners that I was safe. I feel my heart has always known that it wasn't and that this has been a process of reclaiming my bodies instinct and intuition.

The greatest lover I have ever had did not come in the form of a human (yet). She came to me when I was young and created a feeling of connection and resonance that I was so desperately seeking as I looked through my telescope on the beach in Sandy hook New Jersey with my dad. The sounds of her consistent ebb and flow, pulling under and rising up, crashing and returning calm carried me into the deepest places of joy and sweet hearted vulnerability.

When you sit on a beach alone and you look out and you see that place where it seems like the Earth ends and the sky begins and you can't tell which is which or if you are looking up or down. As you look out you begin to realize you are also looking in.

The greatest lover of my life has held my body as I floated through suicidal thoughts stemming from guilt and blame for not using my voice when I could have. She felt my feet on the hot dirt of her trails as I hiked through her woods stuck inside the confines of my mind. She woke me up with a gust of wind against my cheek, filled my womb with light and I haven't been the same since.

She pulled me to her waters, drew my gaze to her sky and showed me how much we can only hear when we get silent. She reached out to me and mirrored my worth with her celebrations, miracles and relentless growth when I was lost and had no sense of self. She showed me how to be unafraid of my power and most of all how to be loved even in my worst.

Soul power gives way to a new life born out of an even greater love, tends to the gardens of our hearts desires and shows us the answers and insights we hold when we begin once again to listen to the wind. The let the suns rays penetrate our body with it's healing light. When we bathe our naked bodies in moonlight, in Venus and Jupiters gaze.
The greatest lover of my life did not come in a human form, for we know worldly comfort is a nice bonus but on another level a total illusion. She came in the spaces between the thoughts and breaths, she comes in my sovereignty and right relationship to others. She is the witch and the water bearer. She is He and He is She. They are One.

The greatest lover of my life helped me learn that the only warm body I need to be ok is my own. The humility of this, the love I feel because of this is one of the greatest gifts Spirit has given, and to remember her is to remember the Soul Self. Embodying Love for some is a journey of healing the shame that keeps us moving away from what harms and into the arms of the Beloved. 

I bow to you and your great capacity to Remember who you are, why you came here and the Love that was given to you the first sip of breath you ever took.

That breath is with you now and will be the boat that carries you to the final moment of release. Into the luminious darkness of the infinite vast Love all the great sages, poets, musicians and saints speak to.

Join me on retreat in Italy this fall! More info on retreats page!

 

 

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Adriana RizzoloComment
Celebrating the Father Wound
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As you forgive the pain, you feel the Love. 

This is a celebration of all fathers! As I heal the love I share with mine, I learn to respect, honor and cherish you more and more. Our father is the place we turned to for protection and as we learn from the mistakes and the wounding we become more whole and able to be with ourselves and one another in authentic presence and care.

This is for all those out there that have been called "needy" and for all those who have failed in the ways they were meant to protect the one's they love. 

We are all children in this world. "Re-parenting" is a huge part of the work we do on the path of liberation. We must become our own parents if we are to be free, and the heal the ways we are controlled by the holes that have been left in our hearts. 

The bandaid of the father wound rips off and you see how all the love you've been chasing for outside disappears and you are forced into the belly of the whale. 

As you forgive the pain, you feel the Love. 

You may find yourself looking for relief from the pressure of holding so much unresolved hurt in sex and attention, in substances. Your intuitive knowing and wisdom, your creative power, your Shakti gets drained from confusing and unclear relations. Walking around longing for love but unwilling to receive it. 

Yet here you are breathing a chosen Love, a God given love into the heart of yours that had to break in order to blossom. You begin to remember that it was never about "him", that God is not only a he but also a she, a you, a place to rest when all else fails.  

I can still taste the chinese food we used to eat, the eggplant parm sandwiches from Santino's. Cutting your hair in the bathroom when your hair stylist was away. 

Making gratitude lists with you to bring in some light to the otherwise heavy den you called your home. The jokes you told, the humor you brought to a family carrying the weight of abuse and chained up in addiction. Ironically the wildness that killed you is the same wildness that set me free. 

As you forgive the pain, you feel the Love. 

The past in only alive when we choose, or it chooses us, to come alive in the present. In my sadhana this year (spiritual practice aka my life) brought me to my knees on a hike in Topanga canyon and I received a transmission of intense healing light that moved through me and felt so protective yet attentive, so complete and whole. 

The Love of "the Father" came into me and I was no longer a woman who needed to take care of men in ways that were not reciprocated. In an instant the story that I had this funny but also troubled, addict father dissolved into a great release and opening. I felt the masculine in me and how that is solid, free of those chains, free of other people's burdens.

As you forgive the pain, you feel the Love. 

None of us are needy, we are just not sure how to set boundaries, how to speak our truth when someone else is really not willing to listen. How to state our values and needs, and how to walk away when the really big ones aren't being met.

The father has given me many gifts, one of them being the pain of self-abandonment. The lack of connection to who I really am that created stories of co-dependence, judgement on myself for having "father issues". But the truth is that almost everyone has them, and the more extreme the greater the opportunity for spiritual sovereignty and conscious, intimate partnership and relating.


As you forgive the pain, you feel the Love. 

It may be hard to believe given all the madness that goes on in this world, in our own hearts but there is Love underneath it all. It's not easy to stand up in the face of so many things that have pushed you down and know who you really are. To acknowledge other people's perceptions of you as places  and parts in your own body that need your attention and care. 

But as we all awaken to what we truly value, learn how to speak those needs with clarity and with strength we can change the dynamics that we live inside. It begins inside and gets tested on the out. The man who was my best friend at some point became my enemy as I shifted through and brought the unconscious father in me to the light. And that man, who was in a way my connection to God, the Father the Almighty became another soul. Another piece of light that brought some fierce lessons and a ton of laughter. 

As you forgive the pain, you feel the Love. 

May we all feel free from the burdens and the anger of our past. May we all become liberated from the need to look for what is wrong with us, always trying to make ourselves right in order to be loved. May we stop lying to ourselves and one another. and learn true forgiveness.

May we see how the hiding we do hurts us and those we love, pushes us away from the source of our true power which is our vulnerability. May our voices emerge from the depths and be spoken with truth. May we come to know our true worth, the power of the Father that is a container for the bigness of who we are here to be and how we are here to serve. 

May we forgive ourselves for all the times we couldn't, or "they" couldn't. May we take responsibility for the ways we have harmed and been hurt, and learn how to build a bridge of greater intimacy and awareness between us through the willingness to listen and work things through instead of run away. May we have the strength to walk away from relationships that are harming and not resonating with our core values and integrity, even if it has to be messy. 

May Grace give us the power to feel our soul and the souls of those around us and return home to Love once again, no matter what, forever and always. May it be so. And so it is. 


As you forgive the pain, you feel the Love. 

Adriana RizzoloComment
Healing The Father Wound (Of The Universe)

Forgiveness, Ancestral Healing + Rebirth – Power + Protection

Healing the father wound of the universe might sound like a pretty big (or useless) job depending on who you ask. Nonetheless here we all are. My experience of working with masculine and feminine energy within us, combined with the unnameable Love of the Soul, is that as I do the work in myself to hold a steady space of Love in the face of harshness, closed-ness and even abuse,this great shift becomes the doorway for us to transform the darkness in this world (and in us) into the very things that protect and honor us deeply.  

As they say ... we are the ones we've been waiting for.

The movement of feminism right now is asking us to face and heal deep wounds that our lineages have been carrying and never got to get free from. We all need space and some time to heal what is arising. Women and people are color and all marginalized beings are understandably angry and upset and it's time for men and privileged white people to become more sensitive to what is arising and be willing to connect to how we all feel while holding respectful space for one another. These are intense times asking us to stand up and be more gentle.

These days, due to our political climate and phase of evolution, more than ever is the masculine asking for our Love. Now this might not be your first feeling in response when you look at the news, see the face of who is running our country and all the abuse and tragedy that is happening not just in our little bubbles but all over the world. Pain is real and greed and power have clearly taken us so far from who we really are, so deep into separation there are parts of many of us even that think there is a fundamental difference between you and I.

 By no means am I offer an answer to all the world's problems. I'm pretty sure taking that on is what keep us stuck in bed hiding under the covers in depression. What I have learned over these years is that waiting for someone else to do the healing for us has never and will never happen. No matter how many women stand up, say the rights things, get elected (please goddess yes) but as long as we are not doing the work in our own hearts to forgive and then be in the awareness that we are forgiven and can hold space for others to enter their own hearts, I'm not sure how much we can really do. 

Many of us get caught and trapped in victim consciousness and in blame, shame and guilt. If we can't see the places in us that want to be forgiven, the ways that we gossip and hold ourselves hostage to what happened int he past, how can we be fearless enough to show up and Love this world the way it needs to be Loved and cared for right now? How can we be the Mothers of not just our children but of our lives and of this world?

My feeling is that the old model of secular families that don't open their arms to the rest of the world and communities are missing out on a huge opportunity to help heal this father wound we all seem to have or at least are being asked to face for the collective consciousness right now. The father wound has been a way for me over the years of my healing journey to turn my deepest fears int o my greatest power, to shift abandonment into authority, and to turn loss into love. 

There are many ways and practices that I have use and use in my life to fill the hole inside with things that will uplift and inspire myself and others, but most of all it takes time, patience and a fuck ton of compassion and forgiveness. You don't have to believe in anything to feel the power of forgiveness. It is not a way to justify the ways we've been hurt and the ways we have betrayed our brothers and sisters, but it is a way to take out power back into our own hearts so we can walk forward with greater awareness and empathy. 

There is something so healthy about your human-ness. So healing about your rage and feeling the hurt your ancestors were never able to consciously feel and heal. To free ourselves and those who walked before us from the blame, the shame and the guilt that this world has led us all to believe is the truth of who we are, is one of the greatest gifts you can give to humanity right now. 

When walking the path of the feminine we open to such boundless love and compassion that we can't actually be touched or harmed on the deepest level. As humans we get harmed and we harm, we disappoint and feel rejected. We are still beings of Love, even when we feel separate form the very thing that can not actually ever be taken away. 

How do we stay awake in the face of emotional triggers that our evolution is asking us not to bypass any longer? To be spiritual beings these days, we must know who we are beyond the limitations of these bodies and minds, AND we must also descend into the feelings that arise to become masters of the liberation that is right here waiting for us to let go into as we relax our shoulders. As we walk hand in hand, and give our burdens back with blessings to where they came from. 

Sometimes you have to shake and move it out of your body, giving the deep ancient rage and grief some space. This is a revolutionary moment in your own world which affect the world we all live in. We are one body. You can feel my nervous system when we sit together and naturally we will rise to the higher vibration or to whatever is not in alignment with love so that we can heal and come home yet once again.

Last week I received an energetic transmission into my body while on a walk in Topanga Canyon. My long dead father has been visiting me recently, reassuring me that I no longer have to take care of him, that he has healed and is here to help. I've been playing around with inviting his energy into my life, out to dinner, to see how it feels. It feels amazing. I've missed him a lot over the years of processing so much anger and pain that he caused me in my life. 

As I walked barefoot through the dirt of the dry Southern California hills my knees became weak, the way they do when you have been carrying a burden for too long. I fell to the ground and softened so deeply that I felt this powerful masculine "Father" energy enter my body and I cried and I said I was sorry to people in my life that I know I have hurt. I asked for forgiveness to the parts of my self I have abandoned recently and over the course of my life.

I felt powerful as I surrendered to this moment of Divine intervention. I was humbled by the beauty in this protection that was coming through my being. I stood, carried on with my walk, talked with an older man about his dog Sheila for a minute and got back in my car.

We all have the power to heal within us. Ultimately it is up to Grace, but I feel that we can open to a great power that will uplift and inspire, that will protect and awaken us in hard moments. To me Grace is the power in us and all around to transform. It is the wisdom we gather in the fires we are asked to walk through in life. 

Grace is how I've made it this far, and we all have different experiences of this life affirming, life changing and saving energy, but as we turn our focus inside, in a world where it may seem like it's not needed because everything outside is crying for our attention and help, it can be the very thing that stitches up the tear in the universe that your soul came here to mend. 

We all have a purpose, we all hold a light in us, and an intensity of humanness too. We can help see one another as the same, and acknowledge how very powerful that is, even if it's not what we were taught growing up. 

Even if the majority of your friends or this society is saying otherwise, only you know what is true and what is real. And if you ask me, the Power of Love is the only thing that can save us now. That can give us the courage to feel and heal for our ancestors. That can help us awaken to how our ignorance can become the places in us that are wildly liberated. Breathe in the beauty in to see the beauty in the sadness and make our mark here no matter how many times we've failed. 

In hopes that we will wake up from this dream of separateness and find that in our love drunk state we got the word forgiven tattooed on our hearts. We do not have to heal because we are broken, we heal because we know that we are already whole care about the world. So breathe deep and keep going, keep forgiving, keep doing the very thing you suck at and have the hardest time with. There will be your greatest gifts to us, including serving in this world with the vulnerability and humility we are all craving.

We are here to grow up in our passionate compassion, and in our moments of giving up ... to open our arms. 

Reach out to book a long distance or in person rebirth + ancestral healing session. If you live in Los Angeles or Ojai we can do these sessions in nature and go deep. 

The Power of Disempowerment

Thank god for the winds of wisdom for blowing us into ecstatic states of inspiration, empowerment and healing our separation. Without her gusts clearing our minds out and fanning the flames of our hearts we would be zombies. Without her loving caress we may never find the courage it takes to feel anything at all.

Today, I am interested in exploring our disempowerment. Not just how to fix it or to get back to what can seem to be a more "ideal" or perhaps even comfortable state of being empowered, but how to be with it. How to admit when we are uncomfortable and relax the muscles around our necks that want nothing more than to control our experience away from pain and back to pleasure.

As mystics, or people who care about up-liftment and evolution and doing our best to heal our wounds and make change for the better in this world, we have to look at suffering. Especially our own. Unless we are going to full on join a religion or cult, there is always a subtle vibration of uncertainty, of unknown that we are forced to live with. The great Mystery can be oh so beautiful and full of the light that we are made of, and yet the experience of embodying that light can be terrifying, full of darkness, abuse, disappointing ourselves and one another and having to live though some hard mis-steps. 

This is life right? No one knows why we are here but some of us have a feeling it has to do with Love. With serving humanity and getting to consciously experience the Divine stuff we're made of. All other beings just are That. They don't have a choice to walk towards or away from their true nature. The gift of disempowerment is the sensitivity that comes from being with what hurts.

Naturally we move away form pain, and in yoga we learn how to disengage in our emeshment with it. But to feel it at all is actually a superpower in a way. It's our right as humans to serve and love and do our best, and it is also our job to anchor really intense energies into this world that has forgotten what is important. What is True and what is Real. Just like we do sometimes.

So today I want to honor the parts of you that are disempowered and feeling less than. The one in you that doesn't think it deserves. This is prime land to plant the seeds of a life devoted to what really matters.

To not just try to fix everything all the time, but to be with your experiences and not miss them. To sit there and maybe feel the pain and wishing things were a different way, and being held anyway. The truth is in our most challenging moments, when we feel the most abandoned, in hindsight we see how truly and effortlessly held we were. Despite how we acted or what we did right or wrong. Spirit isn't like the God we were taught that condemns and approves. BY nature as humans when we make mistakes, if we're away we feel the suffering of them. That is how we learn.

But the spiritual idea that we will create something negative out of feeling what we need to feel is bs. When we take the tiniest effort to pray, or crumble and at some point get back up to do something for someone else or practice receiving ourselves we're planting seeds. And these seeds will grow new life that we could never imagine. These seeds of devotion will guide us to the places we've never been but have somewhere inside known we must go.

To be disempowered is a great way to come even closer to surrendering, and perhaps surrendering completely and consciously to God's will for us. To not having to be the one who's "got it", and in fact to be the holy lovers that want nothing more than a hand to hold along the way imo is the best place to be. To find a friend in our Creator instead of just an enemy, and the remember the moments when we needed that gust of Grace the most, it was never and will never be too long before we feel her loving embrace.

This new moon I'm planting seeds of  "you tell me" and "I surrender to your will". Because part of a relationship with anything has to do with listening. These seeds say, "I'm here show me how to serve and show up."

Join me for a six week class on connecting to your intuition, being HELD, and nurturing your connection to your worth through meditation and mantra, giving you some practical ways and support in listening and following the call of you heart and soul. We'll meet every week online and you'll get video recording with a discussion on topics such as worth, the goddess Lakshmi, addiction, voice, healing, kundalini and practices of meditation, mantra and breathwork. Email me or click here to join!

 

 

Adriana RizzoloComment
You're not bad, you're a badass!

"May all that is unloved in you blossom into a future graced with love." ~John O'Donohue

Sometimes the light, the love, the loss is just too much to bear for one human mind and body. This is in part why we heartbreakingly see yoga and meditation teachers ending their lives. (That is a whole other topic I am not addressing in this post but I will write more on that later.) It's said that when we bear the unbearable (and make it out alive) we learn true compassion.

When we sit inside the fire and live through the burn that we actually become compassion itself. When that pain is emotional and related to not just what we're going through in the moment but something we experienced in the past, it can feel like we're drowning. (And then totally fine 5 minutes later.) 

When there is no one left to blame or rage at there is nothing left to do but feel it and own that it's never really about them. That ultimately it's not even about what it's about.  We realize that it's up to us to pick up the pieces and step forward, into more love, into something that will help us. We are learning self acceptance and the type of forgiveness Jesus and Mary were all about. 

I have felt this wild compassion in my body and heart. I've watched myself as I didn't think I could be of service to anyone cry with other women and be with them deeply in hard moments, while we both starved for the Grace I knew deep down existed because I've experienced her arrow plunge into my heart. (My heart has been breaking and blossoming ever since.)

To be with one another, not as someone who even knew more, just with the awareness that because we were humans connecting from the heart that we belonged. Choosing to stay in our bodies and on this earth as humans. And as a powerful divine energy that desired to experience itself.

That together we were safe after so many years of having doors closed on our tears. In a moment of what my wise friend Heidi Robbins calls ... uncommonly low. A place so many of us are afraid to meet one another in when the truth is that this is one of the best places for us to connect.  Or at least the most satisfying to the soul, nourishing for the heart and transformative for our lives. 

I've wailed with the trees alone, vulnerable pushed to the edge of surrender. The positive side is this uplifted experience of wisdom and self trust that comes from being brave enough to make hard decisions and live through the pain of them. 

But if I'm honest something else I've gathered from these experiences is that I was bad. That I didn't and don't deserve love and happiness like everyone else, because I'm different and someone who goes to depths of the darkness and emerges with a deeper trust and faith. Or at least a stronger knowing of who I am, separate from what others think and say. 

 But still the old "you're bad" loves to show up for some of this sweet tea I'm sipping on. 

What grown ass woman walks around thinking she's "bad"? Well I do. And I sit with women in a circle of fire, inside tear-filled eyes who think they are, even if it's buried underneath generations of blame, shame, and self-abuse.

So I'm curious. Where did we pick this "being bad" up from? 

When did we decide that we don't deserve love and happiness because we have made mistakes? Who taught us that identifying with our mistakes is more valid than identifying with the good that we do?

Marianne Williamson speaks about how there is no way God is some condemning, almighty being who will punish us with every chance he gets. She shares how, as humans, when we make mistakes, we punish ourselves and cause ourselves immense suffering as a way to deal with the pain. So why would God need to do this for us? Why would God need to be anything other than unconditionally loving to us in those moments? 

I've followed my heart, I've failed miserably, have been humbled and humiliated by death and debt, and have burned to the ground and risen from the ashes. And yet this subtle taste of bad in my mouth still remains. The hungry wolf inside that feeds only on toxic communication and a shoving away when I want to be closer must also be loved in this journey. Must also be expressed somehow and find a place to belong. 

Am I bad because my dad lived only by his rules and the conditioning of addiction? Am I bad because I've fallen in love so easily, and then don't feel anything at all? What is it that makes us good, anyway? And who decides what that means? There is a way that takes us into the authentic place where we connect our goodness so deeply that the layers of self hate and judgment start to melt off our heart.

The heart. That's it.

As humans we make mistakes, big and small, and through these experiences, we learn how to forgive. How to love the parts in us that don't know they're worthy of love, no matter what.

We are loving up the bad and unleashing the badass.

This process takes time, and lots of watching ourselves do the same painful thing over and over again—until we don't. Our badass-ness comes from a heart that is innately good. It is one of the main principles in yoga—you are good. Which doesn't mean you're supposed to act it all the time, or not make amends when they are due, or even believe it all the time. But goodness is our home base, This is the place inside where we turn in order to remember what is true. Where we sense what we are meant to be doing. That space past what we've been told, or what those around us are tugging at us to do.

This is your heart. And she is a badass determined to love and spread her brilliant light no matter what trials and tribulations come her way. This is what she was made for. She was made to break open, and stay open. 

As the late and great Leonard Cohen suggests...
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

In a world gone mad, you are not the bad that you see. You are the one that can forgive, that can reach out for help when you need it. You are the one who learns courage through terror and and bravery through practicing being bold.

Love is who you are. This doesn't exempt you from pain. Sometimes you will hurt others and sometimes they will hurt you. The ego is meant to be broken, let go, and embraced with a big hug. But the Spirit is not meant to be punished or beat down. The world often conflates these two actions, so we must step up and support our Spirit.  We must hold it and build it up.  Share the part of us that will never die.  

We are a tribe of holy lovers, loving up the "bad" and unleashing the badass.

Please join us this fall for the Power of Love training at Yogala Studios. We will support one another in this process, have a ton of fun and get you the practice you need to lead other with confidence and authenticity. Reach out with any questions and go to www.yogalastudios.com for more info and to sign up. Would be an honor to have your wisdom with us! 

Adriana RizzoloComment
I don't need a man — I need a mountain
 Ph || Julia Corbett

Ph || Julia Corbett

"The best news is, we die into Love." —Mirabai Starr

 

(abortion trigger warning💞)

I don't need a  man, I need a mountain. 

In the beginning, the energy of mama Earth upsurged my legs and into my womb and I began to weep like a lost child that had found her mother again. After all we are children of the Earth.

On this past mothers day I was full of loss and grief for all things feminine I've experienced up until now. An uprising old grief for a sister I had betrayed and lost, for all the women and children that have experienced loss, and for the baby I decided not to have 5 years ago. 

At the time of my pregnancy I visited her in meditations and her angels. The angels laughed as I cried about not knowing whether to have this baby at such an inconvenient time in my life with a man who didn't really want one. They laughed and I cried. They do that a lot. 

A few years later I took a seat in a bright pink goddess temple in India and had an arrow of awakened feminine energy shoot straight through my heart and blown my mind tiny into a million light filled pieces, leaving me extremely tender and full of loves power to heal. I saw a million angels in visions, I felt the energy of Ganesh erupt through my roots chakra and every desire I ever had for a baby or a man got swallowed up by her all consuming liberated love. I was free. (for a minute)

 I made a vow to share this Divine Feminine loving compassion with as many people as I could. I became infected with the light of the goddess and my body merged in the brightest ecstatic oneness as I sat on top of this golden mountain. The same light that blinded me, those same angels that visited just a few years before while I was in pain moments after having that peanut sized fetus sucked from my womb.

After I got shot with the arrow of love, I lost my god damn mind. That insanity moved me across the country to a place called Topanga, California. I moved there after one short visit when I felt the shakti in my womb tell me it was were I needed to be and bc it reminded me of rural India, even though I knew no one that lived there.

It was there for 9 months I suffered and let go of every once of belief I had in god, in the goddess, in anyone in my life and in myself. I fell into a deep and dark depression. I felt that insanity and the feelings of wanting to die that had been passed down through generations of addiction and dependence. I had visions of my grandmothers screaming, of being a mountain man in a past life, and of carrying people through the transition from death to the afterlife. 

It was there I sang and I danced and swam and connected to not only the feminine flow that was holding me but the power of a mountain, the steadiness of the masculine in me that began to emerge. I would let go so deeply into being held in the ocean in moments it was if I had I died. I would come back into my body terrified of how long I'd been out and if I had drifted all the way out to sea. The cycles of birth, life, death, rebirth is part of what being a yogini is all about. Facing into the terror and the disbeliefs and embracing every ounce of good we can find. Going into the depths and emerging triumphant.

This is the Sheros journey. 

As one of my teachers Mirabai Starr says ... it hurts to be present to the observations of the world we live in. More than worrying about other people or our own "bad energy", with each others support we can learn to embrace and hold it all. To remind each other that beauty and power is in our strength, our laughter, and the ways that we care for one another. That when things arise we can reach out for support, and use the journey of healing to keep growing, evolving and knowing our wholeness.

We can be the ones to create change even in the tiniest ways within, that we don't have to live according the way as society tells us. This is how we show up to create change in the ways that are important and unique to us.

No matter what we will all die (luckily into Love) and there is no meme that can help us in those moments, only love and support from warm bodies. The wisdom, the connection to the natural world that is so inherent and ready to hold us in any moment. This is what I am most interested in cultivating in myself and connecting to in others. Rising up in ourselves and together in grief, in rage and in ecstatic, wild love.

We can truly follow our hearts, even thought it's hard sometimes it's also super fun! To live with more consciousness for the Earth and the other, with more kindness, love and gratitude, to come together in prayer, ritual, song and dance. I wouldn't trade once once of pain I've been through for the connection to unconditional love and joy that had come as a result. I try not to live with regret, but if I could go back there are some things I would have done differently for sure.

The reward is living while we're still here and not dying inside some fantasy of the way we thought things should be. And yet this is the journey, right? Again and again we wake up into more Truth. Into listening to ourselves more deeply. Trying to wrap our bodies, hearts and minds around the great beautiful Mystery that is.

I don't need a man like I was raised to believe, but that I want one. To enjoy and share the fullness, the juiciness of life with. To take me into further healing and love that I can only reach in relationship. Enjoying the moments of solitude and the bodies yearning to be touched by another with love after so long of waiting.

After working so hard on not "needing" romantic love, it's nice to take a moment and also acknowledge the deeper need of relating. We all NEED love, that's why we do the things we do. How beautiful is that?! 

My body needed to feel what it was like to be sexy on my own. How to masturbate as a grown woman and enjoy my body and heart in solitude. But we all have different and unique journeys. We all have such beautiful unique paths to walk and that is where the medicine we get to share with one another is made. 

The Divine Feminine is a part of us all, and is powerfully loving. She is what we know deep down inside. She will help us live more fully if we ask for help and support, guidance along the way. If we become committed and devoted to becoming her, she will pour through our eyes and into the eyes and hearts of everyone we see and feel. She will liberate our bodies from harm and suffering, and she will help us to remember what we forget. 

I wonder if we have to know what it feels like to want to die in order to really live. I get so frustrated and sad that to many God is still imagined to be a man. I am grateful to explore more my relationship to the Goddess, to God in all forms in humans and the natural world alike. All are mirrors, every oozing opening of nectar and all the clenches of horror.  All One Love.

As conscious beings we open our hearts to the sacred She because it is her who has birthed God, who has birthed us, and it is her womb in which we will return.

Inside steadiness and completely wild my heart is held. I've lost myself, made sacrifices and pray to keep daring to know the greatness that lives within each of our divinely feminine and beautific hearts. I am a mountain man, I am a wild animal and I am a powerful woman.

Join us for a daylong exploration of the Divine Feminine in all beings in the desert Saturday May 20th! Email mindy@yogalastudios.com for details and to sign up — only two spots left!

Ten Years of Grief + Beauty

 

 

I want to know if you can see beauty
even when it’s not pretty,
every day,
and if you can source your own life
from its presence.
— Oriah Mountain Dreamer

This is a love note for anyone who is grieving and still somehow walking and for all the little ones in us that just want to be loved. You are not alone. 

Today is my 35th birthday and a New Moon! Wow I feel very grateful to be alive, super tender, open and loved in this moment. I'm realizing lately that being loved and "getting what we want" also brings up fear, pain and grief.  I haven't felt much yet that hasn't brought these things up. I'm curious why they feel so unacceptable for most of us to face or see in another?  I've found it extremely helpful to continue to learn to be loved, seen and felt my myself and others in all states of being. Especially the shadows. Just like many of you, with my work I radically affirm our shadows and love the shit out of them. I have great friends and teachers in my life who help me do the same. No one ever tells you how helpful it can be to hide under the covers and cry.

No matter what if we're committed to a path we become more us, in every way.  I'm interested this year in exploring the uncontrollable YES and how we can use practicing seeing beauty from the souls eye to keep growing, healing and serving with ease, abundance and more love and kindness.

Ten years ago on this day I buried my father, who also happened to be a good friend of mine, Pete in a cemetary in New Jersey. There is a lot I could write about him and his death, how much I loved him and his struggles with addiction. The feeling I'm uncovering today that I want to share is one of recovering from traumatic experiences and discovering who we really are through the process. I'm learning that not every ending in life is that same as that was. For me any bit of letting go can (and has/does) triggers my abandonment. We are asked to face death all the time if we're awake. It's intense but there are also many versions of it that not all the same, and so much beauty and depth gained. 

As I take a deeper breath into my heart I feel a little tight knot next to a world of what could be a whole planet devoted to unconditional love and kindness. I don't quite understand how I came to feel so much after so many years of being numb. Maybe it was all those trips to India, maybe spending time with the grandfather of grief and love Ram Dass. In truth it doesn't matter but what does is that I can feel the way the birds are singing outside my window deep in my body and soul. I know that beauty is something so deeply innate in all of us. I know beauty is our birthright.

I've heard that peacocks eat thorns and the iridescent colors of her feather are born from such a meal. As much as I resist them, I know that the thorns we swallow in life make us brighter, clearer and more beautiful form the inside out. After all we're here to transform the darkness into the light. As Ram Dass says... "we are all just walking each other home."

When I listen to a room full of people singing together I know I am home. When I sit in silence focusing on the Love inside and following her guidance no matter how hard or impossible it may seem, I feel that we are truly Divine beings made of many things but at the core we are light. And some mornings I become filled from bones to skin with a grief so heavy the only thing to do is hide under the covers and cry. 

Most people don't mention this as a very effective method of processing human emotions, but in case you we're wondering, it is. I would suggest doing it on the phone with a good friend or a healer simply because it is always good for that part of us to know that we are not alone.  But wanting to hide inside hard emotions is the most natural and beautiful thing in the world if you ask me. 

After all beauty is our birthright.

To accept oneself, or our challenges in life isn't done in one swoop and we're done. It is a daily chore, like brushing our teeth with a little more softness, kindness. Confidence is a deep wisdom that comes from hating everything we are, where we've come from. It comes from being angry at others who have said things and done things that hurt us.

Acceptance comes from feeling the pain of our mistakes and still living. Letting go of resentments isn't something I learned in school growing up, but all these years of writing and burning, releasing myself from judgement again and again proves to be a life of the body and spirit.

Over the years of my studies, some of which are based in tantric traditions, I have had very unique experiences when it comes to my body. I have felt grief pain so deep that made me scream bloody murder in the shower and I have felt my whole body light up in expansive soul empowered bodygasms that woke me up to the ecstasy of all things in existence. 

After all , beauty is our birthright.

Deep disconnect with intention can lead to greater and more authentic connection. I have felt my heart touched by the presence of another's so deeply I cannot deny love is real for too long anymore. I believe this became available to me because of the deep feelings of unloved and disconnections that I have sat inside and in moments revisit.  

I had an orgasm the other day in my solar plexus for the first time. There used to be a tightness in my belly, in my solar plexus. Over the years of drawing my power back from external situations and recognizing the big sun that lives here, she began to soften in me. And a few days ago, we had a celebration.

After all, beauty is our birthright.

I didn't exactly understand beauty growing up in New Jersey. I wore colored contacts and tried to alter my appearance is any way I could. Not to say this is wrong or bad. In my experience I saw women in strip clubs and knew they were beautiful, but was confused how to find my own when I had been taught to see it in others. An in maybe not the highest vibe places on top of that. 

After all, beauty is our birthright.

When I see an elder woman, a grandmother I get so filled with excitement and curiosity. I am immediately drawn to get close to her wisdom and her courage and I just want to shout ... "Holy shit!!! How did you do it?! How did you make it? HOW did you stay here that long?! Please tell me everything you've seen and learned." Through my inner journey exploration, I have been trained to see the wisdom inside our bodies before I see what is happening on the skin. 

After all beauty is our birthright!

The rivers keep flowing, the moon pulls us and the oceans and the birds try to catch our attention with their really loud songs we still seem to miss. The sun never ceases to shop sharing her light and the mountains and trees stand tall as we crumble, stumble and fall. We have so much to learn from her, our great mother and from the ways she lives in our own hearts and bodies.

She has taught me that my power is soft, that my wild feminine nature is a force that can create and uplift and inspire. That can feel the darkness and be willing to surrender. That I am just a girl that wants to be loved when it comes down to it. That my power is freedom and creativity. That our power is beauty.

After all, beauty is our birthright.

 

Join me this Saturday in Uncovering the Voice Within Workshop at Maha Rose in Brookyln and Sunday in New Jersey at Powerflow Yoga. Kirtan in LA May 5th at Yogala Studios and May 13th at Roam. Let's do this life/love thang! <3

 PH|| MELODEE SOLOMAN

PH|| MELODEE SOLOMAN

Dear Wild Grace
I have remembered my body’s innate sacredness, and in doing so I allow my soul to return to its rightful place beneath my skin. I lift a veil between me and the Divine every time I claim my body as sacred by daring to come home to it again and again.

— Meggan Watterson

Dear Wild Grace

You've taught me so much. Have I realized what it means to be free yet? Are we really not meant to be getting anywhere? Or is that just a trick you play to get us to fully embrace the enormous gift each precious breath is? Is your wildness in the wind? In the moment of orgasm AND all the mundane moments in between? You know that everything is still making love but I am caught in some old story about men or money. How do you do it Wild Grace? How did you get so free? Was it by writing endless love letters to yourself and everyone you know because thats what I'm doing.

... I know you care so I'll let you know how it goes. 

A love letter to my body

I love you. Thanks for helping me experience so much pleasure. I know we haven't perhaps always done the right or healthy thing, and maybe you've been taken advantage of, but perhaps it was only because of how precious and sacred you are and there is darkness in this world too. You hold so much power and many of us were not raised to honor this power.

I grew up hanging out with my dad in strip clubs in New Jersey and although some of the women there I'm sure we're empowered, it led me to think dancing on bars for very little money and a world surrounded by men who can only see with desire and not with deep conscious love was my path.

I didn't know until I began to taste you Wild Grace that my path would take many turns and transformations and not look like that at all. That what used to a wound would be the place where I come home to to find my humility and my gifts. To use my voice, to LOVE my body and honor it. To be this awake and to keep choosing how we live our lives our lives is a big deal.

For all of us (men and women) we've been fed that sex means one thing and love means another but in fact most of it, if not all, is completely false. And boring compared to what a healthy and loving honoring of the body and its ability to experience pleasure intimately can bring. It's time for us to reclaim the privacy of our parts that have gotten mistreated and ignored, shamed and locked away. By others and by the innocence of our own conditioning.

My loving body now that we are here with Wild Grace we are getting free. We might not ever fully arrive to some destination of confidence or expression but I'm having such a great time getting to know you, I'm hope it's a really long ride. 

I want to be just like my friends the stars because the don't seem too concerned with finding peace or happiness but instead they just fucking shine? What if we truly knew getting out of the way of the light that pours from our bodies the way it pours from the sky helped to restore our experience back to one of wholeness? 

There is a wisdom that each of us hold inside. This wisdom is not concerned with right or wrong, but it knows everything and is what is True. I call her Grace. Sometimes she's wild, sometimes fierce and sometimes so unbelievably loving.

There are moments of profound freedom and then I remember I have to call the accountant back and get a gold crown on one of my molars so my teeth stay healthy. Living a vast connected life is a trip. Wild Grace is at the dentist and the desert apparently.

This wisdom blows through us in the invisible form of Grace helping us to see and feel what steps we need to take to live in alignment with our Soul and it's deepest callings and desires.

To be fearless to be open. To love the one inside that didn't know any better. To stand up for yourself with even yes ... yourself. Each time I turn a corner, or a page or I do something that I never thought I would I am handed more.  I am asked to become more me more the woman I am constantly becoming.

Part of this for me is to completely feel who and how I was on my own. To love the one who listened to others instead of listening to herself because she could not yet feel the power on her own. Standing in the face of betrayal. Making mistake after mistake and still be willing to sit with myself with the intention of self love. Speaking the truth even through a shaken voice and broken heart. 

No one ever tells you that a broken heart is an open heart. Until someone really loving and comfortable int heir own skin comes along and does. That a broken heart helps you shine so bright with great friends around. People forget to tell you that the pain is the medicine. The doorway. The end of one thing is always the beginning of another.

Check out our Wild Grace Retreat coming up in Ojai May 12-14th! 

Ph | amazing Tanya Sakolsky

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Wisdom of the Ouch

"There's no cure, except the retreat into love.

See the friend directly, or burn in longing for Him-

what does the whole world mater, apart from that?" ~Rumi

***

For many years (and still today for hours and half days) I spend time running from the pain I feel. Because my life is so full of love and support who am I to feel pain? Because if I feel pain that somehow disqualifies all the hard work I've done all these years. Because divorcing suffering was one of the best things I've done and pain reminds me of suffering so ... I've got a bad case of spiritual bypass folks.

Lately I started wondering again... what is pain anyway? How does it do that thing that it does- connect us from this world to the next? When we are physically hurt or birthing a child it's obvious what pain is. This primal call that makes us human and carries us over thresholds. In moments of deep truth when I had no choice but surrender fully to a moment of pain I've seen beautiful things.  I've seen the light and those honest to God  angels I always talk about. I think I began on a spiritual path to stay away from the pain that was buried inside only to find out that becoming "embodied" hurts. That getting real and free and courageous comes from being with what is. 

Becoming embodied asks that we look at our own hearts and ask the questions that we usually blame others for. We don't come to her for answers as much as a way, a place to be. To explore and discover new ways, old wisdom. A place inside to trust and build a relationship with. Like any relationship and just like the moon with the heart there will be many phases.

On my journey into the fire of the heart I spent many healing sessions completely engulfed in pain. There were times as my heart opened that my hands became temporarily paralyzed. Unable to open regardless how badly I wanted them to. Other times my body would need to move or flail or tense up and then release. I would need to masturabate after them sometimes to release some of the energy I felt moving through me. I had stayed small for so long that my body for years needed a special time and place to safely open. It was almost like my heart was speaking through the movements my body was making. 

Some say that pain is weakness leaving the body. That feels true to me except I don't know if I would call it weakness. Coping mechanisms, ways my ancestors learned to deal with immense pain and traumas maybe.

I "know" our ability to experience pain is directly linked to the phenomenon of joy. So much so I've let myself scream loudly in the shower tapping into the feelings of loss this heart has endured. Yet still in moments the frustration or anger covers up this very useful human feeling ... pain. 

I still run from pain when it comes because for a long time I was lost inside it as my only reality. Letting it drive while I changed the radio stations, feet out the window cigarette in hand. We got pretty far on that ride, pain and I. We had some great times together to be honest. As long as pain was driving I didn't have to feel her. She was separate from me and for a long time that served. We had a wild time, pain and I. Until one day we stopped for gas and pain went to go grab a Red Bull and never came back. Not at least the way she had been there driving all along.

I waited and waited, flirting with the truckers and whomever pulled up to get gas. Between distractions I wanted pain to come back and take the wheel so badly.  I felt fine and even kinda happy but I had no idea how to drive. We made our way to some beautiful places and even with some great people. I always made them drive.

  it this day no one came to drive, not even ol' trusty pain. So I got out of the car, went around and hugged everyone I saw at the gas station for blessings and sat down in that seat pain had been occupying all along. At first I felt terror and was paralyzed and I could barely press my foot down. All I could think was .. "I don't know, I don't know... I can't."

When I began to drive I did it the only way I knew how, from 0-100. I mustered up the guys put my liberation bikini and baseball hat on and went as fast as I could until I crashed and burned that car and everything in it.

I was now in the drivers seat with no car and pain it ends up didn't go away, she got louder in my heart. She began to push everything close to us far away so I could focus on her and what she needed. So I could stop and feel the warmth and love of the fire we were inside. She kept me up long nights in tears as she purified all the ways I was done living. The ways of being I had carried since I was in the womb and perhaps before.

I had been sober about 4 years but was in detox. A pain detox. A co-dependent relationship detox. An I'm not good enough, let me carry all of your baggage so I don't have to feel my own detox. Naturally being birthed again at the age of 34 was not all wildflowers, squats and avocado toast. Although they helped a ton.

Very slowly over time a good Godddess I want to live cry began to emerge. Emerge from pain. A voice that sounded different than the one I'd always had. I knew the thoughts that were telling me otherwise we're not mine and I had to do the only thing I could. I had to learn how to care about me the way I cared about others.

Some waves crash down so hard so we can wash up on the shore with a truly new perspective. Sowmwaves we wouldn't willingly choose to swim in. But those waves are the ones we learn how held by grace we always are.

I wanted to share this because as much as I don't allow my pain to drive this babemobile anymore (for too long anyway), I want to invite her in with grace. I want to allow her to come in and connect me to being alive when she needs to. I want her to keep me humble.

In moments I feel how she softens and guides me into the compassionate nature of the heart. I want to not feel like such an alien for feeling so much all the time. I want to learn to love and accept this part of myself,  not only for the ways it helps others but also for the ways it helps me.

I ran for a long time and then I stopped. Every time I let in the grief and made a commitment to staying awake no mater how hard the emotion I was met with pain yes but also with profound presence, support, love and honest to god angels.

The honest to god angels that can giggle with my tears. The angels that know the wisdom in the ouch.

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the guru's assasin

 "How bout unabashedly balling your eyes out? How bout not equating death with stopping? Thank you India. Thank you terror. Thank you frailty. Thank you consequence. Thank you disillusionment!" ~Alanis Morissette

Ok let's start over. I mean we haven't even begun yet but let's start over anyway. It's more fun that way, keeps things exciting.

When you wake up one day and decide to build a life that is alignment with your soul, you just may find things inside and start to, well burn.  Or you feel terror instead of little old fear. So learning how to start over can be really helpful. In my case towers came crashing down, their ashes drifted into rivers where women bathed in colorful clothes and touched each others feet out of reverence for the Divine Feminine in all. They sang and howled like wild animals with their devotion to God. That's where I started over.

On a conscious life path if we get to choose our life (once things crash and burn or gently float away depending on your karma I suppose) why not build on top of moist, fertile ground. Roses, high vibe art, forests and sheepskin rugs. Why not build it on words like liberation, bliss, joy, honesty, courage and compassion. Devotion and longing. Sanskrit words like Hridayam which means "the cave of the heart."

Why not build it somewhere that will benefit the good of all. Somewhere where you can rest inside and find kindness in your mind.  

In any case if you attempt to build your life the gifts from Grace will flood into whatever sized container you choose to create. Don't stress, you'll most likely have another shot. That being said Go Big. Grace is always awaiting our heart's work. But Grace don't care how you look while you build it.

Grace don't care if your intentions are set perfectly or with the right crystal. She likes when you get your hands dirty and sometimes your hair a little knotty. The way it does naturally after any good love making session. Grace is always ready to come. 

When you open your inner eye and lay down at her feet you just might feel the warmth on your back that you've been searching for. The confirmation the it is ok to let go. Again. That is is ok to build with her, again.

The sun magically crosses through the sky without ever having to move. In our minds we think she's going somewhere but inside the heart of this hard earned light you finally begin to rest inside the trust that there is something to lean on.

The old structures will pop up and we may choose to burn them down or just let them be loved so fully they won't stand a chance. Holding authenticity and Grace you will not back down. You will stand up again, even if it's tomorrow. You will at some point effortlessly enjoy the flight. 

You are not afraid to burn for what you believe in. You are not afraid to jump because you've already crashed and died. And now you may not always remember, but you can fly. 

They say the guru comes (even gets paid) to assassinate your ego. The rid you of incorrect beliefs, the old unhelpful structures. It's painful, it's rewarding, it's everything you could never imagine. Then one fine day you choose to stand up inside your own heart so fully, knowing parts of you will die again anyway, and you fearlessly fire back. You fire with every once of love your entire body and soul could conjure up. Your light was hard earned and now with Tom Petty by your side, you won't back down.

 

There once was a tower built and oh how it continues to burn with this great Love. Now you can leave it and rest in the rivers and at the feet of men and women who know how to love you. Inside this spaciousness you realize the Guru was you all along. That fall that you were sure at one point would kill you, was really a rising into a love totally worth burning for.

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Wild Wolves Need Love Too
To live in freedom, we need to replace the sense of anything being wrong, with the consciousness that everything is perfect as it is, that everything and every person we ever come across serves its own karmic function in our life. Once we understand that everything has its own valid function in our life, it is very easy to live in harmony with the way things already are. With this experience of the harmony of all things, a profound transformation takes place deep within us. Not only do we discover a space of deep inner peace and equanimity, outer circumstances begin to change according to our predominant inner feeling.”
— D.R. Butler

There is a lot of talk about wildness, freedom, love, empowerment these days. We all have our own experiences and interpretations of it all. That is what makes it so exciting and sometimes challenging. Because we can't follow anyones footsteps. Maybe being wild means you stop a bra for a while, where as on my journey it meant putting one on. There is no formula for being wild but there are teachings that guide us to the wild within that is full of wisdom. Wild is not blind, wild is wise. Wild is not crazy, but wild is willing. 

Bhakti yoga is all about being devoted to Love. Love in its highest form. That One Love. Learning about this type of yoga and it's practices has been one of the only things that has kept my attention and heart. It's taught me what it means to be wild.

We all have our own paths to walk alongside one another even if they look different. I teach about Love in part because it's what I care about and because I need a lot of it. The art of loving and the tradition of bhakti is what my soul resonates with. It helps me not only survive but continue to live a meaningful life.

I follow my heart and then other moments I sit inside deep regret. I have an undeniable hunger to learn from everyone and everything and a compulsion to share it. I also have desires that are unhealthy and I oftentimes want to share everything adn hide at the same time.  have amazing teachers and I learn from my everyday experiences. I no longer am not trying to run and hide from my life and how I am meant to serve. 

Wild isn't just about blindly following your heart (only sometimes). Immersed in wild means caring deeply. It's about integrity and discipline. For some of us wild is about feeling safe. Imagine that! An animal in the wilderness knows it's safe and knows about danger but not fear. 

Wild is about living into what is true for you. It's wild because it is a  going against your conditioning that can at times be hard. Impossible even in some moments. Wild right now for me is paying attention to my finances and learning about how to use the many emotions I have in positive ways. Wild right now looks like patience. It tastes like a tense tight first slowly opening to reach out and listen more. Wild looks like a strong and soft tender heart.

Sometimes it does look like a drive into the woods to act like an animal and scream and beg for forgiveness. I've focused a lot on my inner growth and the teacher within me will guide me in that direction when I need it because hard work does pay off. But no image or person can tell you what is wild. Only your heart knows. What is wild is ultimately free. And each of us is doing our best to live into that. To be free to be happy no matter what. To be rich or be poor, to be sexually exploring or to be celibate. Whatever we want.

Free to me is to be able to feel a connection to Love in any scenario and when all else to be free means to let go of what I think I know.

That wild love is at the center of my life. When I begin to notice other things crawling into that center place, I usually find myself to be suffering. And it hurts. Sure old wounds come up to be felt and moved through at times. But they are held inside that love too. It's never about anyone else, it's about us learning how to deeply care for ourselves inside this beautiful messy wild journey of life and love. 

We don't always have to know where we are going and what we want. Coming back to what we are devoted to again and again will keep us grounded and moving forward, even when it feels like we are sliding back. 

We can only be exactly where we are. The deep, constant letting go brings us back home again and again. Into a place where we can be so present that the tiniest of interactions and mundane life experiences become extraordinary. Because we know how precious it all is. 

Many of us are afraid to follow passion. Passion is big and bold and juicy and exciting. Passion is wild. I'm afraid to follow it at times because I know at some point it's probably going to hurt. I don't know how or why, but anything I have felt something strongly for and with has also caused me pain. Up until now I have lived trying to avoid feeling pain. As if pain is not a part of living. 

Learning to be honest about what's going on inside me, to communicate and to have support in our lives is what makes following passion possible. With honesty and love we can take more risks, be more willing to fuck up and forgive. We can be willing to feel pain and not let it destroy us or even mean something is "wrong."

We see the different wolves and with practice we begin to have the freedom to choose which ones we want to feed. The fears or the love.  I know what my shame tastes like so when it returns I can feel it and remember the severity of following that rabbit hole. I can look down it but maybe not jump all the way in. I can choose to feed love and compassion instead.

I can't be reminded enough that making mistakes, feeling fear or sadness for a moment is part of the journey and is totally ok.  Each time I come back into a place of wisdom within that passion that guided me in the first place I find the power of forgiveness.

Being alone has taught me how sweet the simple things are. I use to hate it and now I really love it. I love having friends everywhere I go in the from of trees, clouds and strangers. 

How much value is inside those connections or inside the hug of a loving friend. The freedom of having the time to reach out to the ones you love and to come and go as you please. To explore the parts of me that are insane without the ripple of karma attached.

The feeling of being seen and validated through friendship, non sexual relations was a big deal for me. I value it so much now. All the moments of silence to hear the lies in my mind and longings in my heart. To be however I need to be without explanation. I am so thankful to be awake to the beauty that is inside being alone. Using the fire inside to stay warm and contributing my light to the fire in different circles I enter in community. 

There are the ways we can only grow and enjoy in companionship and in intimate relation to another I long for too. The obvious juicy, snuggly love and passion of course. The available touch next to you, the validation, the being seen and respected on a soul and human level sexually, romantically and in friendship. The growth that some from challenge in learning about sharing space and keeping the fire going between two people. Living through the ups and downs and long lasting karmas with one another. The experience of ecstatic love when two complete souls come together.  

Whether in relationship or not there is a constant surrender to the unknown. A part of me always longed for relationship to feel some stability, to know something for sure. I've learned from working with many people and myself that is just not totally how it works. If anything when we really care it brings up so much fear and old parts that need love because there is more at stake. Un-attachment can be such a bitch. And really sucking at detaching can teach us that we are never without Grace. 

With all the beauty, tenderness, passion power and sweetness that comes in connecting deeply with others, with Spirit and with ourselves comes a similar level of fears, abandonments and shadows that can only be purified through these relationships. No matter how many shamanic healing sessions or sound baths you do. My teacher used to say it's when the rubber meets the road when we really know. It is the face we make inside the fire that counts, and is where we ultimately grow and heal.

Thank God everyday is a new day again. 

The idea is to develop a relationship with your heart, to unfold inside your unique wildness. It is an important relationship to nurture because at different times, your heart will say different things according to what you need to learn. It might say yes leave a relationship just so you can muster up the courage to have a difficult conversation and then everything changes inside the relationship in a positive way.

We just don't know but when there is a willingness to listen we can can learn trust and commitment. At least that is my wish and deep heart desire. 

So remember what looks wild on your will look different that what wild looks like on me. We all know here it is not about the image or the way something appears on the outside. Thank God. It is inside the heart that we discover our true wealth, knowledge and connection to all that is and all that ever will be. 

Even when were at the bottom we can still go onward and upwards.

Join us on our SuperNatural Retreat in Joshua Tree this November more info here, and if you are in LA I will be leading a 3 month 30 hour immersion to deepen your yoga and discover joy in your spiritual practice called the Power of Love at Yogala Studios. Info for that here. Please reach out with any questions and for support. Sending lots of wild love and compassion from my heart to yours.

Xo

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My Body Knows ...

My body knows . . .

how to fearlessly fall from Grace. Even inside

the burning rebirths, even inside the shame.

The language of the moon and how to learn

everything my grandmothers forgot to teach

me. She needs light to let go. She is a wild animal.

Full of unstoppable breath, impermanence, nature

and wonder! How to heal the abuse her ancestors

lived through. She has the power to push away and

attract whatever she pleases. Intense energy exchange.

She plays, gets knocked over, and stands back up in it

often. We all walk as eternally loved men and women.

It's the only satisfying solution she's found. She knows

pleasure and joy to extremes. Welcoming and receiving

are her gifts that she loves to give. She knows she is

covered in eyes that never close. They are her intuition

and psychic antennas to transmuting darkness into

welcoming, soul empowered freedom. How to give

from the love that comes form that SuperNatural

source. That full and endless Divine Feminine well.

How to open so fully that all of time diminishes and

simultaneously explodes, like the first orgasm that

created the universe. Speaking of, she knows the

many ways she can orgasm and heal through ecstasy.

How to move with feeling and with no inhibitions. An

uncontrollable fire lives and lights her from the inside out.

She knows fear and pain to no end and uses it to create

and give birth to life. One that will inspire and consider

the well being of others. She knows when she is safe

and loved. There her skin melts with softness as if

saying yes to openness and adventure. She knows

ancient, primal wisdom that my mind cannot bend

itself around. Teachings and practices from places

and lineages so foreign they confirm the many lives

we have lived through to get here. She needs to get

spiritually naked again and again. Sacrificed to the

pyre of love for the greater good of all. She longs to

be naked in the natural world. Stepping with devotion

and reverence in her heart for this Earth and everything

living on it. My body knows how to walk & spread her toes

& run & write & sing & dance wildly & smell & taste & touch

& give energy to someone else's heart through a kiss.

She knows how to kiss. She is a vehicle for Divine Love.

How precious this life is. My body knows and holds more

than I will ever get to this time around. Like a triple kiss

that blows your mind into outer space, at some point it

has to end. My body knows the limitless strength of the

heart she houses. With all of it's birds, hibiscus, hummingbirds,

sweet jasmine, and those roses unconditionally blooming.

My body knows what she wants and the potential I seem

destined to forget. She knows how to take her time on the ride.

My Body Knows more than anything how to forgive.

She knows in her bones,  she is never without Grace.

 

 

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Who am I without you?

A story about the eternal tower card over here that is realizing how to hold that lightening bolt firmly and with a lot of love.

Maybe our hearts break and change constantly so we can learn to love no matter what. Understand the world a little bit better, and unlock the natural compassion for it's less than perfect people.

For many years I only understood who I was in relation to another. I was building this relationship to my Self. To Adriana, to the fire inside her, to Shakti - the divine force that destroys demons and restores balance, love and harmony in our lives.

Deep down I always felt there must be a good reason that we feel depression, are gifted nasty addictions, and debilitating anxieties.  None of it seems natural when placed against the great Love within, but to deny it's purpose is to forget there is a deeper way of living. Connection to others on waves of compassion, joy, pleasure and ecstasy.

The moment of admitting some sadness can immediately put us on that wave. The wave of fear and gripping seems to get so massive when I don't admit what I know about myself and my experience. When I admit something I can offer it away for the greater good. I can show up fully inside my experience.

That is how I learned who I am ... without you. That is why I practice putting myself out there creatively in the face of my fears and resistance all the time. There is this paradox that our minds can't understand. That we are essentially always alone inside and the closer we get to that aloneness and everything that inhabits it,  the more free and willing we are to connect to others.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for others reflections often to bring me back into higher vibes and deeper love.  I need this in my life no matter what. But my point is that even without it I now have a stronger chance of remembering. Over time I"m becoming the reminder. By taking a broader look at what's going on around me and how I can serve. Usually others, sometimes myself. 

This knowing comes in grief, sometimes laughter and joy  in sadness, pleasure, awkwardness or failure or my favorite uncontrollable hits of grounded courageous sensual energy. There are many flavors to this connection but the river continues to flow even when I get stuck on a branch reaching in from the lands that I choose to learn from.

This inner connection is vital to my experience of living a full and happy life. I have much to learn about relationship and letting go still. I'm young. BUt I've cleared and lived through lifetimes no doubt.

The fire in me, the mother in me is here and ready to serve. She is ready to say no with love when things don't feel aligned. She can yes and fully enjoy something in the moment for what it is too, for she knows nothing can be taken from her. 

She knows who she is without you.

Over time I've committed to being the one that brings the joy and realness into the room. I don't do it perfectly but I do it often. I find from the ones I love the most that the energy and the kindness that we share with one another silently and in words can change the way we experience our lives. 

There are always adjustments we can make to breathe inside more flow. To harness and use our fire in healthy and healing ways. I live for that breath that drops me in. I live for that fire that unconditionally shows up to serve. Not just those who deserve it, but everyone with their crooked tails and secrets, past my own blind judgements.

Honesty in itself is a high vibration. It doesn't matter what you are admitting as long as you are being heard and held by someone who is not going to judge you but reflect back the love that is within you.

That process will connect you to the one within who knows who she is without anyone else. This radical aloneness connection will help you become fearless and free. Enjoyment in being alone can lead you to lovegasms and disagreements, heartaches and expansions and living a fully embodied life. It will give you the power to show up for the ones you love in greater ways.

I know this not because I am perfect at it, but because it is my job here to care. I now know who I am without you and I love her just as much as I love you. A lot!

Join us on our SuperNatural retreat and practice unleashing your voice in many ways this November in Joshua Tree. Retreat will include ::  tea ceremony, meditation, yoga, kirtan, dance, relational work, friendship, delight and JOY.

We'll support one another in becoming our own best friends so we can be better lovers and creators in our life. We'll feel the power that is in the simple practice of sitting together in loving remembrance of who we are without anything or anyone.

If I can support you in person in LA or via skype please don't hesitate to reach out. <3

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Hair.Addiction.Healing.Hearts

This beautiful soul sister @howtohairgirl has been an inspiration for me from afar and her kindness helped me connect to my creativity in more expansive ways. Read my some of my interview and here all about addiction, sobriety, healing and hair! 

We never know what we truly feel until someone asks, and our passions are %100 revealed by others inquiring. That's why I love leading circles and connecting with people one on one. 

Roxie truly turns competition Into conscious collaboration and I love her for the light she shares! 

 "I want to empower more connection and love into the industry and help other stylists enhance their abilities to be vessels for love and creative energy. I feel strongly about bringing more health and naturalness to the beauty industry. I cut hair according to a persons natural texture and the way they will wear it, and I support locally made products as much as possible. I find others to be exuding beauty most when they feel good and connected to that which is below the skin or hair. It’s not that it doesn’t matter, it’s just that when that kind of attention and care comes from an inspired place within we literally see differently. When we learn how to connect to a moment deeply, which most stylists do all the time, we heal ourselves and others. It’s my favorite thing about people that love doing hair and I want to see more of our naturalness exposed, appreciated and accepted in both people and the products that we use. Moving away from corporations that hurt and towards supporting people that help. We can do this by supporting local brands and salons in your town and as stylists shifting the way we see ourselves from not good enough to change agents that can reach so many people with our love!"

#artoflovingYou #hair #healer #soulbeauty #loveyou #sacredembodiment #sobriety #femininefreedom #hairstylists  #loveandserve #sisterhood #womensupportingwomen

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Bring me a Higher Love

Today in the Art of Loving You (and everyone else...) experiment :

The Courage to bring me a Higher Love

One of the most basic assumptions in the yoga tradition is that you are good. That everything deep down at the core is. That you are not broken. I find many of us forget that in the spiritual and recovery world. We get serious and hard because we care so much about healing and helping. And because f we take these teachings on seriously, chances are we will come face to face with all that is between us and that truth.  This is where courage, faith and trust comes in. And those who reminds us of joy and the awareness of this life experiment!

Although I don't have to go searching for love in the wrong places so much anymore, even when I search in the right places sometimes I don't "find" it. Meaning I don't feel love inside my heart all the time when I'm alone, even though I want to. Unless I'm in love, under a waterfall, the desert or lying in the dirt (so many conditions) which aren't the most sustainable life circumstances or experiences. Besides I'm a yogi and I'm here to love a full life and get free. Anyway I'm curious if this is how one develops faith.

This morning as I sat and did my mantra in meditation feeling the energy of "it" massively separate from "me" I am overwhelmed with fear, sadness as well as gratitude for sobriety, awareness, and connection to others in this life.

For those teachers and masters and elders who hold the possibility to stay inside that vibration all the time I feel thankful and a little more at ease. Mostly it's a shit show in there but irregardless of how I feel about it my heart needs attention and love no matter what. So I choose to try and keep the tender and lose the blue.

I get so "high" on love and connection with others I feel a profound shift when I'm alone. It's not always that way anymore but traces of it linger. Being alone and sober is a gift and it isn't always as free and easy as it looks on Instagram (that's where I post my free and easy practices).

Then I heard this voice ... if I really am myself, who's going to like me? This gold nugget was lodged somewhere inside the overgrown field of wildflowers inside my heart. So I picked it, put it in a mason jar and watched it give it's last offerings of authenticity and humility to my world and will continue to appreciate it's confusing beauty until it dies.

Part of my "story" is that I am going through some thing "intense" inside. I love this story SO MUCH because it means that I am not numb anymore, but today I will practice keeping the tender and dropping the blue. I'm way more turned on by new experiences than old stories.

The power inside friendship, nature, retreats and community is life changing. For lightness and depth, for us to be guided into reflections of who we really are. When I am supporting others the light and love is constant and I'm really thankful and humbled by the work I get to do, turning it around to me is a constant challenge right now. Good thing I love a good love challenge!

This beauty Olivia Clementine and I are leading a retreat in Joshua Tree in November to celebrate exactly who and where you are, invite and invoke support for what you want to shift and open to, and to bring the practices we love so much to you. Yoga, tea ceremony, kirtan, meditation, inner yoga and relational work all in the powerful and loving energy of Joshua Tree! Go here for more. info. <3

Last but not least jokes and laughter are some of my favorite medicines so if you got any today lay em' on me.

Adriana RizzoloComment
The Art of Loving You (and everyone else...)
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After last month's ceremonies with so many loving and inspired women on retreat at Spirit Weavers, a visit to my gurus ashram, lots of love and support and teaching (where I learn EVERYTHING), I moved through a big block and wrote this letter.

The Art of Loving You (and everyone else...)

To the one that is so loved and still feels alone sometimes.

To the sweet young one inside of me, and to the girl that just made her communion, chose the name Marie and recently started wearing makeup and a pushup bra ...

One day you will learn how to connect and listen to the wisdom of your womb.

Not only that but you will bravely sit inside the fire of love until you feel the fire burning inside of you.

You will help others to heal though your own healing, and hold a strong and steady space for yourself and for others to move into deeper places within.

You won't have to do this alone but at some point you will find the teacher, the adult you've been looking for in all those other faces in the room, is you.

The dark side of devotion and your emotions will come through and knock you off your feet at times for you to learn how to help others deal with and end their own suffering.

There may be many times that you'll lose yourself into some else's trip but with that very same skill you will learn how to merge into the beauty and awe of life.

You will be a beacon of light that shows the way to letting go of the need to know and instead learn to feel the wind caressing your neck.

Someday you will pray to always offer gratitude for the teachers that helped wipe away the sadness on your heart only to reveal more Love.

People will come and they will leave when you are no longer serving them, in the same way that you will resistantly let go of those that no longer serve you, but know that no matter what you are good and so are they.

It may take you awhile to learn about business and men, but honey you will take people to Venus whenever they please.

You'll be confused about how to be empowered and happy without a man to balance your juicy, wild feminine heart and that learning will be some of your most potent medicine to offer the world.

It will be hard sometimes to pick your head up when you feel alone, but you'll have some loud reminders that you truly never are.

Perhaps you'll make big impulsive decisions that will help you learn humility, forgiveness and the art of trial and error.

Through those mistakes you'll also learn how to be your own best friend and supercharged lover.

There may be times where you really want someone else to do it for you, or just to help a little, but all of it will show you how much you're really worth.

You'll learn how to communicate with the unseen and invisible world, and all of it's magic.

The longing and the feeling of aloneness that will end up destroying and taking your father and other members of your lineages life, will somehow end up being your doorway HOME.

When you are clearing what could be lifetimes of abandonments, abuse and addictions you will need good friends to remind you who you really are.

You will need so much care and love, and that's ok.

These brave, tender and precious steps you will take are not only for you but for the purpose of your souls journey.

You will forget often, and that's ok too.

There are women that will need your guidance into their own inner healer and unique path of creative lives and expressing them freely with their voices and bodies.

At times you may feel like you feel too much or focus on the bad because it not your path to numb out this time around, but this will help you to learn how to love deeply and freely.

I promise you will find such an empowered way to live in this world, my sweet love.

You will know what's it's really like to live inside the truth of what is wild and how to be free.

May you always find the courage and tenacity to keep going inside yourself and building a life of your own.

Xo

Adriana RizzoloComment
Rebirthing Always Becoming

 

"The artist seeks contact with his intuitive sense of the gods, but in order to create his work, he cannot stay in this seductive and incorporeal realm. He must return to the material realm in order to do his work. It is the artists responsibility to balance mystical communication and the labor of creation." ~Patti Smith

The process of letting go of the old again and again each time become new. How many lifetimes can we live inside each relationship and moment?! 

For some stay and stretch out awhile and others come and go in the blink of an eye. REBIRTH is absolutely a part of a beautiful messy path, and the Love Inside project. Getting over ourselves so we can pray for and with others takes trial and error. Together we are learning more and more about the Earth and how to live in harmony with her and all the beings that take up her space. How to share our stories in a safe space so we can drop them and always have the chance to become new again. 💖

This is a story of one lifetime lived in the middle of many inside one woman's fierce hunger for freedom and love. 

She used to be lousy at money but she was always turned on, especially at the airport. Rebirthing for her was about taking ALL the good parts of things we learn and leaving behind the not so helpful and even abusive, addictive and plain old mean parts. She's a woman who has lived behind many faces.

Born into a family that needed a lot of care at an early age she learned how to love hard and fast. As she grew pleasure in her body became a way to connect the same way learning all the constellations did. She recreated these families that need care again and again until she realized they all live inside of her anyway, she had a lot of other shit to do and more satisfying relationships to enjoy. She did her best to keep the love and leave all the rest behind.

Unexpected acts of kindness and compassion from others held her through dark days and lonely nights. Liberated and beautiful naked saints with hair down to their feet visited her with tambourines in her dreams. She had visions in meditation of being in the desert with women, their children in all forms, beating their drums and singing without any restriction. She learned that to be a woman can look a million different ways. And that men too could benefit from the surrender that comes from embodying the Divine Feminine.

She loved to be spiritually naked and see other peoples nakedness, both in clothes and without. Often consumed by passion it benefited her to learn how to speak up and set boundaries. To speak her truth especially while her voice was shaking. She welcomed and gave thanks for anyone who wasn't afraid to make noise or speak in ways that wake up love inside. Sometimes she felt like she wanted everything. Other times nothing at all.

Scouting thrift stores and finding beautiful things in short periods of time was one of her specialties. Basically she LOVE people and their stories and being in a thrift store opened up the doorway to so many souls. SHe loved other people's clothes and passions more than her own. She saw beauty in people and things no matter what they looked like. It was a sense and a feeling. A looking with the body. She loved to teach others this skill.

She was fascinated by her own process, sometimes to the point of self-absorption, but mostly because it was the own of the things that helped keep her in this world. The self explorations kept her creating. She believed she was brought here to show others how to help themselves and so she focused on things that helped her want to stay. She felt that was what we were all doing here.

Her life was full of ironies and paradoxes and often times she would forget where she was going. She once quit a spiritual training in part because she was having a really hard time with "non-attachment" and didn't feel like reading Chogyam Trungpa's "Spiritual Materialism" again. She was in a deep moment of doubt and anger on everything, and especially with God. A few months later her car (which held all her belongings including the very sacred spiritual stuff that she loved dearly from her India pilgrimages ahem..) was stolen and gone.

When the car returned only thing not taken was a photo of one of her gurus. There he was smiling at her with those compassionate eyes. Funny enough, she had been praying for ultimate freedom and truth. To be taken to her next incarnation within this life. Never without grace tears streamed down her face as she felt the relief humor in this one precious life once again. After that she prayed for easier lessons to learn.

She skipped from not feeling her body or life barely at all to years of deep body intuitions and oceans of emotions. From crawling up stairs in high school high as a kite to the terror inside the dark hole of seeking love and attention outside of herself to the most elated swimming in eternal bliss high on spiritual love, she was definitely an experience life type of learner.

There were times where she was so full of creative inspiration she was completely dissatisfied unless she was expressing it in one form or another. There were times where if she wasn't teaching or chanting or meditating she didn't want to live. Others in the silence of her room, she found herself unable to write or even speak. She would fall asleep and wake up early inside these moments that she painted as failure but knew deep down were monumental for growth. Sometimes she would feel like a lost animal in the woods in search of something she couldn't find. She longed to feel a thirst she didn't even know she had.

In natural landscapes both within and without we learn how to listen from places beyond the mind. Writing and sharing our stories with one another can help us to let them go completely and move forward confidently. But in my experience this takes support and a lot of love. Our songs and stories need to be loved and appreciated because they hold our gifts to share. We help each other process , accept with love these stories and remember REBIRTH again and again. I'd love to support you in unleashing your creative energy and fire into your life and the world!

Contact me with any questions and visit the retreat page to get details on our SUPERNATURAL healing yoga, tea ceremony, Kirtan, meditation, self and other relational work and rituals. We would love to give back and take care of you and your fire!

 

Adriana RizzoloComment
Receive

Burn baby burn, but don't hurt yourself.

She was learning that finding comfort 

in wild places doesn't have to be dangerous.

Love inside a freedom fire, her lust for life. 

Orchestrating joyous eternally still orgasms 

together we remember the world is an extension 

of ourselves. Sacred Body. Earth Magic. Love Inside. 

This trust we are all enough no matter what

 our lives look like on the outside. On streets 

of  trust we walk all valid and loved inside

trials and errors. Boundaries crossed but

better maintained bringing ecstatic unions.

Softening the pain. Hard conversations clear 

the heart but many we never forget to take a 

nap. Hands held closed will open sharing sounds 

of ancient primal bliss. Voices spoken and heard

not only with mind but with Heart. 

With gratitude for the spirit flowing through all.

Adriana RizzoloComment