For the LOVE of God
One of the coolest things about India is that GOD IS EVERYWHERE. Now I know you may be thinking, well that is true anywhere you go, and as far as I can tell- that is so. But I'm speaking to how it is everywhere in this full-on, colorful, dramatic, intense and ridiculous way. Literally painted on the walls and stones, in every restaurant and store and street corner . Everywhere you look is Krishna or Hanuman or some splash of exuberant divinity looking at you right in face. All while you are trying not to step out in front of a moving vehicle in the bustling cities, or stepping over shit(human or animal) while in the more rural parts. Because God is implied everywhere as part of the culture, some of it is overlooked, a lot of it not cared for or even respected, some of it just superstitious, and much of it lacks any real substance. But for a woman from Brooklyn who has been longing to know God and Love since she can remember, how liberating and satisfying it is to have that kind of bath.
Anything I can write or say barely touches the depth of devotion and love I have for some of the places, saints and my path that has taught me so much about Love and what it means to be devoted. Being on pilgrimage there especially, and having the opportunity to just completely unravel has touched and acknowledged the deepest and most hidden parts of me.
Each time I go I am so much more free and ready to surrender, I learn so many incredible things about myself, and who and what we all are inside. Though I have had many deep spiritual experiences(not saying that flippantly), I am coming back to more and more to this realization of how it is all to help me be more human. More me. And how we all have to learn to throw who we are away (temporarily), to be able to step more fully into we are are with more confidence, compassion and Love. It's about knowing God and devoting time and energy to that desire to know more- and to know even when I forget. But when it comes down to it, I have go be able to use that Love to serve and be of service in this world, as Adriana. To keep an awareness that Adriana is not all that's happening, and at the same time let her SHINE like HELL. Or heaven in this case. ; ) This takes an incredible trust- and I know I could have never have built that on my own. The reflections of people who can, and do, really care and can Love you unconditionally is a beautiful piece to the puzzle no doubt.
This trip in particular, I really felt the individuality of my soul. Building a relationship to the soul has been a part of my work over the past few years- I have tasted it in mediations and steeped in it on retreats. On this trip, I really felt the distinction of the soul from me, and from the oneness of everything. Then also experiencing how as humans we get to feel the completeness of all of that merging- what a gift that is.
It's not something I can articulate or elegantly put into words, but it was a deep sensing of my purpose here as Adriana, and how the soul is also a part of that- and a part of the infinite oneness that there is. We had alone time on top of this incredibly powerful mountain one afternoon, and I felt that soul merge in a way that just sent me into the sweetest tears. There was a deep reverence for my teacher and the support in my life, but there was also a pleading, almost a desperation to release my clinging that emerged as I felt myself and even my soul dissolve.
And now here we are. In the midst of a snowstorm in NYC. And So what? I want to share some of my experience with you (because what else do I really have), but I always want to make this about you. It's about us and the work we are here to do together. I believe I could have never felt any of that without the support that was there. Both in the people in my life and on the retreat, and the in the mystical sense. After being on a fierce journey of transformation for four years now I have countless deep, intimate experiences that I cherish and that soften my heart when I reflect on them, and I truly know it is because of all the support and because of Grace that any of it was possible.
It has been a great honor for me to have support and to learn how to hold that kind of space for others too. It takes practice, and in my case a lot of mistakes and failure. The cool thing is that unlike other experiences we may have had int he past, with a teacher and community that really sees us- we can learn to fail and make mistakes while being held in unconditional love. There is something so healing and life enhancing about that. To know that no matter what you are held by Grace and by others is a gift and a miracle I pray to never take for granted.
I have the amazing opportunity right now in this phase of my life, to have little distractions, and the time to really keep my eyes and heart on God. I don't have a family, I'm not dating, and my life is currently engulfed in the fierce, focused flames of Grace. For someone like me who has some intense conditioning and comes from a lineage of addiction, unconsciousness, co-dependency, and mental illness- to feel any bit of this and be where I am is truly glorious. Not that it isn't possible without all this space- I see amazing yogis around me with full on distractions creating awake and beautiful lives all the time, but this is just to say that I am truly grateful for where I am right now. Devotion has helped me experience the sweetest of emotion in my heart and a holds a place for me when I am in moments of fear or tremendous pain and seperation.
To have a relationship with something that I am not requiring any response from, and where I truly get what I give a thousandfold, that is what helps me grow. I want everyone to know the Love they harness within themselves and experience it firsthand. To taste it and revel in it, and totally experience the WILDNESS of God's LOVE for themselves. To keep bringing our focus back to Love, back to however you relate to Grace and Spirit, as much as possible. And to be fearless and steady about that commitment. That is what has worked for me and what I see helps so many others heal and live insanely happy and complete lives. In a way it's so simple we can totally miss it. Like repeating the mantra instead of thinking about how much we suck. In a moment that can change your life. But it has to really mean something to you, there has to be an energy in it, or whatever you do that resonates.
It's not about being super connected and high all the time either. Moments of separation when we keep that light even just flickering, and have others who will hold that light for us to come back to, as we move through whatever we have to move through to get closer to ourselves- those are some of the most beautiful spiritually connected moments there are. It's not about being a certain way, it's about being true. That can be a real windy road. But an exhilarating one too. And to make it happen we need support, honesty and Love. And the ability to say fuck it in a good way and listen to the calling of our hearts.
There are many ways that each of us connect to Spirit and live our truth. Countless, beautiful ways- part of what makes yoga so expansive and possible is that there are many paths, not just one. It's important for me to honor that in you, and also to express my desire to share that heart space too. It's part of my purpose here on earth to support the kind of work that will liberate you and bring you more joy than you (or I) can imagine. So for the LOVE of God come to Kripalu (details here), and let's continue moving forward and taking big leaps and jumps in full on beautiful ways in our lives. Remembering who we really are, and how we are meant to serve.
Let me know how I can help you wherever you are on your journey and if you have any questions don't hesitate to write me!
All my Love