Wild Wolves Need Love Too
There is a lot of talk about wildness, freedom, love, empowerment these days. We all have our own experiences and interpretations of it all. That is what makes it so exciting and sometimes challenging. Because we can't follow anyones footsteps. Maybe being wild means you stop a bra for a while, where as on my journey it meant putting one on. There is no formula for being wild but there are teachings that guide us to the wild within that is full of wisdom. Wild is not blind, wild is wise. Wild is not crazy, but wild is willing.
Bhakti yoga is all about being devoted to Love. Love in its highest form. That One Love. Learning about this type of yoga and it's practices has been one of the only things that has kept my attention and heart. It's taught me what it means to be wild.
We all have our own paths to walk alongside one another even if they look different. I teach about Love in part because it's what I care about and because I need a lot of it. The art of loving and the tradition of bhakti is what my soul resonates with. It helps me not only survive but continue to live a meaningful life.
I follow my heart and then other moments I sit inside deep regret. I have an undeniable hunger to learn from everyone and everything and a compulsion to share it. I also have desires that are unhealthy and I oftentimes want to share everything adn hide at the same time. have amazing teachers and I learn from my everyday experiences. I no longer am not trying to run and hide from my life and how I am meant to serve.
Wild isn't just about blindly following your heart (only sometimes). Immersed in wild means caring deeply. It's about integrity and discipline. For some of us wild is about feeling safe. Imagine that! An animal in the wilderness knows it's safe and knows about danger but not fear.
Wild is about living into what is true for you. It's wild because it is a going against your conditioning that can at times be hard. Impossible even in some moments. Wild right now for me is paying attention to my finances and learning about how to use the many emotions I have in positive ways. Wild right now looks like patience. It tastes like a tense tight first slowly opening to reach out and listen more. Wild looks like a strong and soft tender heart.
Sometimes it does look like a drive into the woods to act like an animal and scream and beg for forgiveness. I've focused a lot on my inner growth and the teacher within me will guide me in that direction when I need it because hard work does pay off. But no image or person can tell you what is wild. Only your heart knows. What is wild is ultimately free. And each of us is doing our best to live into that. To be free to be happy no matter what. To be rich or be poor, to be sexually exploring or to be celibate. Whatever we want.
Free to me is to be able to feel a connection to Love in any scenario and when all else to be free means to let go of what I think I know.
That wild love is at the center of my life. When I begin to notice other things crawling into that center place, I usually find myself to be suffering. And it hurts. Sure old wounds come up to be felt and moved through at times. But they are held inside that love too. It's never about anyone else, it's about us learning how to deeply care for ourselves inside this beautiful messy wild journey of life and love.
We don't always have to know where we are going and what we want. Coming back to what we are devoted to again and again will keep us grounded and moving forward, even when it feels like we are sliding back.
We can only be exactly where we are. The deep, constant letting go brings us back home again and again. Into a place where we can be so present that the tiniest of interactions and mundane life experiences become extraordinary. Because we know how precious it all is.
Many of us are afraid to follow passion. Passion is big and bold and juicy and exciting. Passion is wild. I'm afraid to follow it at times because I know at some point it's probably going to hurt. I don't know how or why, but anything I have felt something strongly for and with has also caused me pain. Up until now I have lived trying to avoid feeling pain. As if pain is not a part of living.
Learning to be honest about what's going on inside me, to communicate and to have support in our lives is what makes following passion possible. With honesty and love we can take more risks, be more willing to fuck up and forgive. We can be willing to feel pain and not let it destroy us or even mean something is "wrong."
We see the different wolves and with practice we begin to have the freedom to choose which ones we want to feed. The fears or the love. I know what my shame tastes like so when it returns I can feel it and remember the severity of following that rabbit hole. I can look down it but maybe not jump all the way in. I can choose to feed love and compassion instead.
I can't be reminded enough that making mistakes, feeling fear or sadness for a moment is part of the journey and is totally ok. Each time I come back into a place of wisdom within that passion that guided me in the first place I find the power of forgiveness.
Being alone has taught me how sweet the simple things are. I use to hate it and now I really love it. I love having friends everywhere I go in the from of trees, clouds and strangers.
How much value is inside those connections or inside the hug of a loving friend. The freedom of having the time to reach out to the ones you love and to come and go as you please. To explore the parts of me that are insane without the ripple of karma attached.
The feeling of being seen and validated through friendship, non sexual relations was a big deal for me. I value it so much now. All the moments of silence to hear the lies in my mind and longings in my heart. To be however I need to be without explanation. I am so thankful to be awake to the beauty that is inside being alone. Using the fire inside to stay warm and contributing my light to the fire in different circles I enter in community.
There are the ways we can only grow and enjoy in companionship and in intimate relation to another I long for too. The obvious juicy, snuggly love and passion of course. The available touch next to you, the validation, the being seen and respected on a soul and human level sexually, romantically and in friendship. The growth that some from challenge in learning about sharing space and keeping the fire going between two people. Living through the ups and downs and long lasting karmas with one another. The experience of ecstatic love when two complete souls come together.
Whether in relationship or not there is a constant surrender to the unknown. A part of me always longed for relationship to feel some stability, to know something for sure. I've learned from working with many people and myself that is just not totally how it works. If anything when we really care it brings up so much fear and old parts that need love because there is more at stake. Un-attachment can be such a bitch. And really sucking at detaching can teach us that we are never without Grace.
With all the beauty, tenderness, passion power and sweetness that comes in connecting deeply with others, with Spirit and with ourselves comes a similar level of fears, abandonments and shadows that can only be purified through these relationships. No matter how many shamanic healing sessions or sound baths you do. My teacher used to say it's when the rubber meets the road when we really know. It is the face we make inside the fire that counts, and is where we ultimately grow and heal.
Thank God everyday is a new day again.
The idea is to develop a relationship with your heart, to unfold inside your unique wildness. It is an important relationship to nurture because at different times, your heart will say different things according to what you need to learn. It might say yes leave a relationship just so you can muster up the courage to have a difficult conversation and then everything changes inside the relationship in a positive way.
We just don't know but when there is a willingness to listen we can can learn trust and commitment. At least that is my wish and deep heart desire.
So remember what looks wild on your will look different that what wild looks like on me. We all know here it is not about the image or the way something appears on the outside. Thank God. It is inside the heart that we discover our true wealth, knowledge and connection to all that is and all that ever will be.
Even when were at the bottom we can still go onward and upwards.
Join us on our SuperNatural Retreat in Joshua Tree this November more info here, and if you are in LA I will be leading a 3 month 30 hour immersion to deepen your yoga and discover joy in your spiritual practice called the Power of Love at Yogala Studios. Info for that here. Please reach out with any questions and for support. Sending lots of wild love and compassion from my heart to yours.