Get It Off Your Chest
Gemini Moon : Express YourSELF
The thing is, none of us are very good at communicating or creating to the degree that we think we need to be to do it. Some are more impulsive with their words or demanding, and some internalize and hold back. But either way, sharing your heart is about support and fearlessness and hearing someone else has a lot more to do with sharing a reality than anything else.
It becomes a practice of compassion. Compassion is the doorway to communication. In my experience, compassion comes from fucking up, and knowing in my heart what it's like to suffer. AND, to have come out on the other side. Or halfway out, or a quarter of the way out, lol. As we find ourselves able to feel someone else's pain while staying connected to our love and power, we become healers.
My moon is in Gemini, and speaking my hearts wishes and desires is something that has been VERY challenging. Because of this challenge, I've made it a goal, a passion, to learn about the depths of communication, creativity and the love within vulnerability. The FREEDOM of EXPRESSING your TRUE SELF! AHHH.
Over the years of training and working with my own voice, creative fire and heart, and now with other women, it amazes me how good it feels when someone can truly "hear" you without judgement or blame or shame. The way our face changes not only when we are felt and heard, but feel FREE to be ourselves. In all of our wildness, darkness, extreme love and blinding light?! Holy shit.
Imagine if EVERYTHING you feel is ALRIGHT??!!!
It takes a lot of practice to come into a place where we can be really honest about where we are at. When we don't feel like it's ok to be and feel what we feel or do, forget it! It takes a TON of self-awareness, courage to learn again and again about the magic of new beginnings, sharing our wisdom, especially when we aren't feeling very "magical".
Some of us have trouble speaking our truth because we don't trust ourselves. Some of us are the first one's to open our mouths and project because we don't trust others. Either way, as we go and practice meeting one another in places of honesty we discover more and more freedom, trust and surrender into the greater plan that is in store. Having someone who can really see and honor that is a huge first step in becoming liberated to feel and express what we need and truly want to. And release who and what we truly are inside.
You are worth the efforts it takes to become real about who you are, what you've faced and how you will share your gifts with the world. We need your unique expression here to bring about more positive change and expansion. Who are you to hold that back because you haven' t done it perfectly, or enough up until now?!
Many of us hide the way we feel, or push it away with blame. Then we end up reacting from a place of hurt, wounded-ness and pride, jealousy, rage, ect... Even Ram Dass talks about sitting in his bathtub in a fit of jealous rage. (love this image). And this was after he met his guru and became a spiritual teacher.
Most of us don't know how to properly communicate anger because most have not felt safe to do so. So we hold it in and it blows up later, or it turns into really gnarly and toxic self-hate and abandon of ourselves or others. The easiest way to punish someone is to push them out of your heart. None of us are mean people or want to do this and work hard not to, but these are ways we were taught and now have the opportunity to shift.
Most of us are terrified of other people's anger many times for good reasons. As we evolve as "spiritually connected" beings, anger becomes something that is looked down upon at times. Pushed to the side. Replaced with gratitude which is always an important practice and great medicine, when it actually works. Sometimes you have try many times before it sticks.
The truth is that we all need a place where we can share the ways we have been hurt, and be heard by someone who can hold us in a lot of love as we do so.
We learn to do this so we can transform that hurt into a recognition of your gifts in this life. Not to wallow in the past, but to see how it got you to where you are, and how to use it to wake up into even more trust, openness, compassion, and vulnerability.
Freeing up hurt and resentment in your heart liberates your voice and potential to CREATE! It frees up your ability to communicate effectively and also provides the fearlessness needed to openly share your bodies wisdom and creative impulse. Writing angry letters, connecting to your heart in meditation, using the voice as a guide for release, and using the power of chanting are all ways that can help you start to clear away that which is keeping your true self locked away.
Your voice is intertwined with the vulnerability of your heart. You feel threatened, you yell and blame, or hide and cry. It is important to get that stuff "off our chests". Your heart is the filter in which everything you experience in life flows through, imagine all of that on top of your chest. It would be pretty hard to breathe, never mind speak the authenticity of your deepest heart wishes and desires. We can all say, speak your truth, live your truth, but we all know, it's not always that easy. It's a process to be enjoyed along the way. We are rewriting the ways in which we have been conditioned. It's EXCITING, and hard and such a true blessing.
The further we go, the more opportunity we have to heal and open! We learn how to work with what is current and present in our lives and how to move forward as a force who knows we've endured heartbreak, grief, trauma, inability to speak or be truly heard, to help others go through it and grow from it.
When I began to teach yoga I remember how deeply it mirrored my insecurity, shame and blame towards myself. It has been a huge process to become a teacher who can now show up and be relatively clear and listen to other people speak through their bodies and hearts. I remember when I taught for my final at the end of my training, I burst into self-hating tears because I felt so vulnerable.
My initial reaction was "I fucked up." I felt like a child, and I was in that moment. I had no idea how to process the emotions I was feeling. They were probably essentially great liberating emotions that I was not able to recognize. I immediately went to my default which was to feel like I did something wrong. Self-blame is a big theme for my life and something that has kept me unable to speak in many situations. And underneath all that are my gifts as a teacher and healer in the fiery power of the voice and heart.
Shame and blame are the biggest joy and communication killers out there. Now it doesn't mean that we should ignore them all the time, but give ourselves a moment to explore the ways in which they have held us back. When we speak, take a moment to ask... what do I want to to say, and am I rooted in my strength when I am speaking? Can I start anyway even if I'm not sure?
Vulnerability on the path comes from making mistakes. It comes from doing our best and when we fail miserably, it comes in the standing back up, a little beaten but softer and open because of it. It comes in allowing ourselves to be held, by Grace, by someone who loves us unconditionally, so we can just be who we are for a minute without "trying". Being in a spiritual community for some years really helped me develop the ability to share my heart, listen and hold space for others on a deep level and begin to feel safe in the vulnerability of my love. What a gift!
It's so satisfying to hear other people share the experiences that they have of their hearts, even when they are nervous or don't know what to say. It's amazing to feel people when they are so open. It almost doesn't matter what they say. You can feel what they mean because you are right there with them. It's like swimming in the ocean, or feeling your feet on the dirt, or letting your eyes soften to take in the sky's relentless beauty- you unravel through connecting to the openness of the moment.
When we chant or share in a loving environment, God is there so obviously there ready to take it all. God is not afraid of your anger or hurt, embarrassment and resentments. God is a badass who can hold a space for you to heal and evolve no matter what.
We learn from each other, we learn from nature, and we learn from our relationship to a higher power. We learn about how we are held back, and we learn how to move forward, by being where we are. Not by feeling like we should be somewhere else.
Sometimes we have to go back to pick up pieces of our soul that got left behind or taken. Ultimately we learn how to bask in the beautiful warmth inside, right where we are. We create a container for truth and love within our own bodies and lives. Past hurts and resentments are actually the gifts that give us the insecurities to move through, so that we too can know wholeness.
We can feel the satisfaction in moving through something insanely uncomfortable because we know how much compassion, and openness is inside that discomfort. Maybe it's part of why we find ourselves drawn to what is scary and uncomfortable to begin with. So we can open more and go deeper into our own souls journey as healers, and lovers of truth.
This weekend in LA I will be a leading a workshop at Yogala to help women unlock their voices and connect to their creativity. Next month in Brooklyn I'll be leading a Reiki Love workshop this December with one of my long time friends, and amazing healer Lula. You will get certified in Reiki 1 or 2, and you will learn how to practice vulnerability and expanding your container to hold love. Click here to learn more and email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to sign up! Limited spaces : )