Shadows of Sexuality– the Truth in Trauma
“Tantra is easy to enter, but difficult to exit.” —Osho
“Listen to the wind blow, watch the sunrise. Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies. Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light.” –Fleetwood Mac
The shadow of your sexuality can lead to integrated wholeness, a security within yourself and your right to enjoy this life and a wild abundance that can serve the world greatly. We are here to experience life and grow and learn from what has cause harm and damage and create magic with that pain.
Sometimes when we get disconnected from our sexuality, we try to come up with all sorts of answers to fix it. Or we ignore and numb out because it is painful to be disconnected from this great life giving gift within. In my experience when a deeper layer of love is coming up it will push up what wants to be healed, which can look like feeling emotionally triggered or in some pain for a period of time. We don’t want our trauma and past experiences to run our lives, but in many ways they do.
And, we can own it and allow it to open us up to so much more infinite potential is we choose and have the karma to go there too. There is Truth with a capital T inside and underneath those wounds that want soothing.
This work can and should be done with a professional and also with people that you trust can guide you into what is really there underneath the surface. There are tools that can help and create a whole new experience of your sexuality, pleasure, power, connection and freedom.
Tantra as i have studied and learned over many years now, is not about sex. Yet to avoid talking about it is ridiculous and often times avoided because of the potential harm it could cause. And i understand and respect that.
But sex is Go, is life, is Love. It can create and it can destroy. It’s what’s pulsing inside everything we see and feel and know. In the yoga tradition and lineage i come from there is a word yoni, many of you know now that means vagina and in some texts it is referring to the womb.
The two main principles in tantric darshana are the yoni and linga principle. Linga represents a male phallus or that masculine principle of awareness, steadiness, the unchanging. It’s sometimes referred to as “God” and in my experience that can cause confusion especially because one cannot exist without the other so I feel the pulsation of the yoni and lingam together create this life. What’s more God than that?!
The yoni is the feminine principle of change, nature, beauty, Movement, abundance. The deep power of receptivity that generates wild generosity.
These energies are within us all, and everything is existence. We can get to know them, marry them and become less attached to the conditions that we have learned that we need another to complete us, or that we are not whole. These principles help us get free from our bs and can be the keys to liberation. How cool!
When we learn to rest in our masculine, let it enter us and hold us from within we have a place to take refuge when we get lost in the outer amazing and awfulness that the world can bring. Our minds are always changing and moving, and to welcome that which will always remain can provide great comfort. When we cling to everything changing all the time, we naturally get hurt. And this too is a part of life and learning how to own this great sacred power we’ve been gifted.
The suffering we feel is often a pull into a greater intimacy with life. Life is sex, God—there’s no way around it. My experience of Tantra has been healing, beautiful, volatile, life giving, thorough and devastating.
It has torn off the bandages. I have gotten lost in delusion and addiction in the spiritual sense. Disconnected from reality completely. It was and is amazing to feel what the mystical poets and saints describe, and extremely painful to integrate and digest.
An amazing lovemaking session can be so healing and appealing to the ego, and it can also leave us feeling deflated and unworthy. To not lose ourselves in experiences these days I believe takes not just “healthy detachment” although a little of that is necessary, but letting that consciousness aspect of our being be the secure steady wisdom that it is without needing to pretend to be it which can lead to denial and disruption. We may find ourselves in some idea that we are doing something more spiritual than we are and lose sight of whether or not it’s really serving us or others.
I work with a lot of sexual energy and I feel it’s important to be willing to look at the shadow side of the spectrum within our experience of sex and love so there is a wakeful humbleness and not a false superiority that can come with playing with intense energies.
It can be so beautiful and expansive and healing to share the energy of life—sex and God itself. But sexuality, like life has a spectrum and both sides matter.
What is the light we seek to taste and share if not a spark in the dark?
If we have experienced abuse in our past, have addictive tendencies there is a call to really humanize and ground the whole thing in “reality.” This is hard because the shadow aspects of our sexuality can be super tender, disowned, deregulated and hurt parts of us.
The great news is that if we’re willing to explore, get honest and curious there is a whole world of possibility, of health, harmony, deeper intimacy and satisfaction, success and abundance available in the deep dark cave of Love yet to be unearthed.
I have learned through studying esoteric astrology and embodiment with Heidi Rose Robbins and so many other great mentors, that we can find God as Love through the radical acceptance of who and how we are. That even after 40 years on a spiritual path you are not immune to depression, stupidity, mediocrity, pain, and suffering. Any ideas that you shouldn’t be exactly where you are serving as signals that you could use some good reflections outside yourself, and that there is something itching for your scratch and soothe.
The feminine is calling for our attention. Your womb, whether it’s on the inside or out is longing for you to listen up and honor what you find, hear and experience beyond being turned on. You have the steady flow of Grace moving though you and what is ready to unravel will need some support, a good friend and some practice to reveal that great radiance within.
Always there, always more, always who you are. Let’s get together and remember. Email me to work together in uncovering your radiant darkness.