Who am I without you?
A story about the eternal tower card over here that is realizing how to hold that lightening bolt firmly and with a lot of love.
Maybe our hearts break and change constantly so we can learn to love no matter what. Understand the world a little bit better, and unlock the natural compassion for it's less than perfect people.
For many years I only understood who I was in relation to another. I was building this relationship to my Self. To Adriana, to the fire inside her, to Shakti - the divine force that destroys demons and restores balance, love and harmony in our lives.
Deep down I always felt there must be a good reason that we feel depression, are gifted nasty addictions, and debilitating anxieties. None of it seems natural when placed against the great Love within, but to deny it's purpose is to forget there is a deeper way of living. Connection to others on waves of compassion, joy, pleasure and ecstasy.
The moment of admitting some sadness can immediately put us on that wave. The wave of fear and gripping seems to get so massive when I don't admit what I know about myself and my experience. When I admit something I can offer it away for the greater good. I can show up fully inside my experience.
That is how I learned who I am ... without you. That is why I practice putting myself out there creatively in the face of my fears and resistance all the time. There is this paradox that our minds can't understand. That we are essentially always alone inside and the closer we get to that aloneness and everything that inhabits it, the more free and willing we are to connect to others.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for others reflections often to bring me back into higher vibes and deeper love. I need this in my life no matter what. But my point is that even without it I now have a stronger chance of remembering. Over time I"m becoming the reminder. By taking a broader look at what's going on around me and how I can serve. Usually others, sometimes myself.
This knowing comes in grief, sometimes laughter and joy in sadness, pleasure, awkwardness or failure or my favorite uncontrollable hits of grounded courageous sensual energy. There are many flavors to this connection but the river continues to flow even when I get stuck on a branch reaching in from the lands that I choose to learn from.
This inner connection is vital to my experience of living a full and happy life. I have much to learn about relationship and letting go still. I'm young. BUt I've cleared and lived through lifetimes no doubt.
The fire in me, the mother in me is here and ready to serve. She is ready to say no with love when things don't feel aligned. She can yes and fully enjoy something in the moment for what it is too, for she knows nothing can be taken from her.
She knows who she is without you.
Over time I've committed to being the one that brings the joy and realness into the room. I don't do it perfectly but I do it often. I find from the ones I love the most that the energy and the kindness that we share with one another silently and in words can change the way we experience our lives.
There are always adjustments we can make to breathe inside more flow. To harness and use our fire in healthy and healing ways. I live for that breath that drops me in. I live for that fire that unconditionally shows up to serve. Not just those who deserve it, but everyone with their crooked tails and secrets, past my own blind judgements.
Honesty in itself is a high vibration. It doesn't matter what you are admitting as long as you are being heard and held by someone who is not going to judge you but reflect back the love that is within you.
That process will connect you to the one within who knows who she is without anyone else. This radical aloneness connection will help you become fearless and free. Enjoyment in being alone can lead you to lovegasms and disagreements, heartaches and expansions and living a fully embodied life. It will give you the power to show up for the ones you love in greater ways.
I know this not because I am perfect at it, but because it is my job here to care. I now know who I am without you and I love her just as much as I love you. A lot!
Join us on our SuperNatural retreat and practice unleashing your voice in many ways this November in Joshua Tree. Retreat will include :: tea ceremony, meditation, yoga, kirtan, dance, relational work, friendship, delight and JOY.
We'll support one another in becoming our own best friends so we can be better lovers and creators in our life. We'll feel the power that is in the simple practice of sitting together in loving remembrance of who we are without anything or anyone.
If I can support you in person in LA or via skype please don't hesitate to reach out. <3