Rebirthing Always Becoming

 

"The artist seeks contact with his intuitive sense of the gods, but in order to create his work, he cannot stay in this seductive and incorporeal realm. He must return to the material realm in order to do his work. It is the artists responsibility to balance mystical communication and the labor of creation." ~Patti Smith

The process of letting go of the old again and again each time become new. How many lifetimes can we live inside each relationship and moment?! 

For some stay and stretch out awhile and others come and go in the blink of an eye. REBIRTH is absolutely a part of a beautiful messy path, and the Love Inside project. Getting over ourselves so we can pray for and with others takes trial and error. Together we are learning more and more about the Earth and how to live in harmony with her and all the beings that take up her space. How to share our stories in a safe space so we can drop them and always have the chance to become new again. 💖

This is a story of one lifetime lived in the middle of many inside one woman's fierce hunger for freedom and love. 

She used to be lousy at money but she was always turned on, especially at the airport. Rebirthing for her was about taking ALL the good parts of things we learn and leaving behind the not so helpful and even abusive, addictive and plain old mean parts. She's a woman who has lived behind many faces.

Born into a family that needed a lot of care at an early age she learned how to love hard and fast. As she grew pleasure in her body became a way to connect the same way learning all the constellations did. She recreated these families that need care again and again until she realized they all live inside of her anyway, she had a lot of other shit to do and more satisfying relationships to enjoy. She did her best to keep the love and leave all the rest behind.

Unexpected acts of kindness and compassion from others held her through dark days and lonely nights. Liberated and beautiful naked saints with hair down to their feet visited her with tambourines in her dreams. She had visions in meditation of being in the desert with women, their children in all forms, beating their drums and singing without any restriction. She learned that to be a woman can look a million different ways. And that men too could benefit from the surrender that comes from embodying the Divine Feminine.

She loved to be spiritually naked and see other peoples nakedness, both in clothes and without. Often consumed by passion it benefited her to learn how to speak up and set boundaries. To speak her truth especially while her voice was shaking. She welcomed and gave thanks for anyone who wasn't afraid to make noise or speak in ways that wake up love inside. Sometimes she felt like she wanted everything. Other times nothing at all.

Scouting thrift stores and finding beautiful things in short periods of time was one of her specialties. Basically she LOVE people and their stories and being in a thrift store opened up the doorway to so many souls. SHe loved other people's clothes and passions more than her own. She saw beauty in people and things no matter what they looked like. It was a sense and a feeling. A looking with the body. She loved to teach others this skill.

She was fascinated by her own process, sometimes to the point of self-absorption, but mostly because it was the own of the things that helped keep her in this world. The self explorations kept her creating. She believed she was brought here to show others how to help themselves and so she focused on things that helped her want to stay. She felt that was what we were all doing here.

Her life was full of ironies and paradoxes and often times she would forget where she was going. She once quit a spiritual training in part because she was having a really hard time with "non-attachment" and didn't feel like reading Chogyam Trungpa's "Spiritual Materialism" again. She was in a deep moment of doubt and anger on everything, and especially with God. A few months later her car (which held all her belongings including the very sacred spiritual stuff that she loved dearly from her India pilgrimages ahem..) was stolen and gone.

When the car returned only thing not taken was a photo of one of her gurus. There he was smiling at her with those compassionate eyes. Funny enough, she had been praying for ultimate freedom and truth. To be taken to her next incarnation within this life. Never without grace tears streamed down her face as she felt the relief humor in this one precious life once again. After that she prayed for easier lessons to learn.

She skipped from not feeling her body or life barely at all to years of deep body intuitions and oceans of emotions. From crawling up stairs in high school high as a kite to the terror inside the dark hole of seeking love and attention outside of herself to the most elated swimming in eternal bliss high on spiritual love, she was definitely an experience life type of learner.

There were times where she was so full of creative inspiration she was completely dissatisfied unless she was expressing it in one form or another. There were times where if she wasn't teaching or chanting or meditating she didn't want to live. Others in the silence of her room, she found herself unable to write or even speak. She would fall asleep and wake up early inside these moments that she painted as failure but knew deep down were monumental for growth. Sometimes she would feel like a lost animal in the woods in search of something she couldn't find. She longed to feel a thirst she didn't even know she had.

In natural landscapes both within and without we learn how to listen from places beyond the mind. Writing and sharing our stories with one another can help us to let them go completely and move forward confidently. But in my experience this takes support and a lot of love. Our songs and stories need to be loved and appreciated because they hold our gifts to share. We help each other process , accept with love these stories and remember REBIRTH again and again. I'd love to support you in unleashing your creative energy and fire into your life and the world!

Contact me with any questions and visit the retreat page to get details on our SUPERNATURAL healing yoga, tea ceremony, Kirtan, meditation, self and other relational work and rituals. We would love to give back and take care of you and your fire!

 

Adriana RizzoloComment
Receive

Burn baby burn, but don't hurt yourself.

She was learning that finding comfort 

in wild places doesn't have to be dangerous.

Love inside a freedom fire, her lust for life. 

Orchestrating joyous eternally still orgasms 

together we remember the world is an extension 

of ourselves. Sacred Body. Earth Magic. Love Inside. 

This trust we are all enough no matter what

 our lives look like on the outside. On streets 

of  trust we walk all valid and loved inside

trials and errors. Boundaries crossed but

better maintained bringing ecstatic unions.

Softening the pain. Hard conversations clear 

the heart but many we never forget to take a 

nap. Hands held closed will open sharing sounds 

of ancient primal bliss. Voices spoken and heard

not only with mind but with Heart. 

With gratitude for the spirit flowing through all.

Adriana RizzoloComment
Love Says ...

Love says I need a home, but I like it better on the road.

Have you ever felt like you literally gave someone your heart?

I'm sure you have.

A mind blowing mystery how this is even possible, isn't it?

No wonder we get so scared.

Have you felt love come so deeply that you could collapse?

We empty to fill, and fill to empty.

Is there anything more powerful than a heart so tender?

Trust takes practice, or a miracle.

When we say yes to love, do we not get asked to open more?

Love infinite and life precious.

When beauty emerges like the smell of jasmin, do you let it move you?

A soul so free the body pumps light.

Have you let Spirit come as Love so true that your mind got lost?

Letting go dancing down a mountain.

When love comes to heal you, where do you run?

Opening to the great One.

Some say I need a home, but me, well I just like it better on the road.

‪#‎artofloving‬ ‪#‎ontheroad‬ ‪#‎loveandserve‬ ‪#‎heartstories‬ ‪#‎sacredembodiment‬‪#‎nonduality‬ ‪#‎oneness‬ ‪#‎spirit‬ ‪#‎moves‬ ‪#‎bodywisdom‬ ‪#‎sisterwhispers‬‪#‎wildandfree‬ ‪#‎livetrue‬ ‪#‎nature‬ ‪#‎love‬

A walk through the fire ...

You see, no one ever told me that as snakes shed skin, as trees snap bark, the human heart peels, crying when forced open, singing when loved open. Now I understand that whatever keeps us from burning truth as food, whatever tricks the heart into thinking we can hide in the open, whatever makes us look everywhere but in the core, this is the smoke that drives us from what is living. And whatever keeps us coming back, coming up, whatever makes us build a home out of straw, out of heartache, out of nothing, whatever ignites us again to see again for the very first time, this is the bluish flame that keeps the Earth grinding to the sun. ~Mark Nepo

On a mountain in India one I felt my body so completely full of light I thought that I was going to burst open and leak this brightness onto anything I came in contact with. Sounds nice right but I was terrified of it. For many months after this moment I felt like I was literally on fire, walking through and avoiding many fires, starting fires, and discover who I am as a woman radically alone and according to anyone else's eyes. 

Fear consumed me completely for days and weeks sometimes, unable to sleep or even speak to anyone who really loved me. I would flip back to my consciousness from 10 years ago which felt invariable small and addicted, painful grief erupted inside my body and life. I was scared of how tender it all somehow made me feel in moments. Until sometimes I would get tuned in to the fierceness that came along with it. That feeling brought a new courage and ability to choose my life and share my voice. 

A moment when light entered me, I couldn't stop it or start it if I tried. It just was. We just were. There together, nothing to say, nothing to even pray about. Uncontrollable longing and passion and the heart wanting what the heart wanted. There was absorption into a love that can destroy everything. It does that because it only knows what we signed up, for not necessarily what we want or think we want.

Nowadays I'm remembering often that I can trust my body. That I am here to learn and to experience. I can't go wrong when I am deciding to be who I am right now.

Right now I am discovering patience and more trust. This year began with the purification of all my belongings getting stolen with my car- the only thing to be returned was the car and one photo of an Indian saint that I feel connected to and love so much.

The face I felt in that moment brought me to a cry that was more comforting than the tears that were being shed the days before through blind eyes of self doubt and shaming. It was a relief to feel that although all my "things" were gone, Grace was still there with me. 

Along with material possessions, on my journey of feminine freedom, many things and people I had used to get clean, to experience deep devotion, friendship, family and love also disappeared from my life. I kicked and screamed and held on dragging with everything I had. It wasn't pretty but I sure did learn a lot.


Maybe that burning was to help me get past what was keeping me from being free. One can only hope and pray I suppose. I found the courage to explore new desires that feel like they've always been there. I got to stop thinking that someone else will bring the magnificence or the passion or the sex or the kindness or the showing up and a taste of letting go that my mind could have never agreed to. 

It takes awareness, discipline and strength it takes to honor and care for but not believe your mind and feelings. The coming into a life every day that sometimes look the same but choose to be the bringer of light even when you've got barely a flicker going. Even as you keep bumping your head against that same door as your hands frustratingly fumble for the door knob.

When the door opens and you realize there is no floor to step on how do you take the step anyway? Perhaps in your enthusiasm you take a quick leap only to find that you still have to do the work, say what's hard to say, and show up even as your flying.

When your wings are still wet form this newness you find out that flying ain't so easy. Or you are blind like a snake. Only a snake doesn't have to choose to shed it's skin. I'm not sure we do either. 

We want to be free. We want to know peace. We all want to be loved deeply and purely. Sometimes it's a walk in the park, other times a walk through the fire. 

We are not improving we are ever unfolding. May we be that at peace with the natural rebirths that we experience many times in one lifetime. May we move through our difficulties with a remembrance of Grace and the purpose to be of great service in this world and beyond.

 

Let Go Let ... God?
"I was dead, then alive. Weeping, then laughing. The power of love came into me, and I became fierce like a lion, then tender like the evening star." -- Rumi

A story about the old saying "let go and let God" . . .

Leaving for retreat today and getting my car back after being gone for over a month after being stolen I was doing some reflecting. The past year for me have been peppered with moments of mind bending desperation alongside massive angel tornados. 

From the most intense "throw away my close and shoes I'm staying here forever and devoting my life to serving God" mystical experience in India to moving across the country by myself mostly out of fear of abandonment. From what truly felt like a psychotic episode (thanks Marcus Ambrester and all of you friends who helped save my ass) to confusing manifestation power with pretending like I had money I didn't have. From having my car stolen with all of my belongings inside during my move (except my harmonium and laptop, a couple pairs of underwear and the shoes on my feet that I didn't end up leaving in India) to finding the only thing left inside my car was a picture of our smiling teacher Neem Karoli Baba, Maharajji they call him. All bringing me back once again to a place they call Grace.

After a couple days of beating myself up pretty hardcore internally after having my car stolen and leaving all my things in my car in the midst of a confusing and brutal time living in LA, I got a phone call from the detective. They had found my car downtown.  He gave me the number of the tow yard and the sweet woman I was staying with at the time offered to take me there. It was about 30 minutes from where we were on the eastside.

As we drove and got closer my anxiety began to rise which I was pretty used to at this point but something knocked some sense into me and and I asked her if she minded if I played some chanting music and took a moment to pray. I put on Krishna Das beause I knew that would make me feel safe and I needed that so badly. Over the past 6 months of living there chanting and dancing following the energy of my soul were the only things that helped me feel safe in my body and in my life. There's no doubt that stuff works if it's in your blood. 

When we arrived at the yard I still felt nervous and kept the chanting on, just really low as I went in to talk to the nice woman that worked at the front desk next to the vending machine. I kept secretly tuning into the "sita ram sita ram sita ram sita ram" as she informed me where my car was and told me it was ok for me to go look at it.  

The detectives didn't give me much information so I had no idea if any of my things were still inside, that red dress, the Hanuman and sweet Ganesh that had helped bring me so many dreams to life, that banjo that I had played not so well, clothes, my hard drive with all my photos, my childhood photos and my dads old cameras i saved, sacred prints and that special incense all  from India, the turkey feather someone dear to me just gave me as an offering, that black velvet dress that felt so good on my skin, so many yoga books, all the new home goods I had bought or were gifted to me for that sweet little studio in Topanga, years of journals, all the spiritual materialism that I held on to so dearly especially over the years that helped me remember so much. Especially in the last six months of spending so much time alone praying, writing, healing, crying, swimming, dancing, purging and not sleeping.

Everything I had owned dwindled down to what I could fit into that little white Prius. 

I followed a kind man through the yard and kept the chanting close on hand as I walked and eventually saw my car. I named her Kundalini when I leased her a year and a half before and had a strong feeling I would be driving her to move out west. The same feeling I had when I visited after going to see Ram Dass in Maui and I knew it was the exact place to land when I was to leave New York. 

As I approached and looked into what was a completely packed car I saw space, emptiness. I immediately felt an odd and confusing sense of relief. A calm wave moved through my body. I opened the door and saw nothing, not even a phone charger. Just the smell of sage, rose and sandalwood replaced by cheap cologne. 

I opened the glove compartment  and this picture, this pamphlet from the Neem Karoli Baba ashram in Taos I had visited and prayed so hard at only that summer before fell out onto the ground. And there he was smiling at me. Maharajji. The only thing left.

All the self loathing, shame and pity that was killing me and I was so embarrassed by that had consuming me and in that moment I stopped and I felt so deeply held. I was surrendered. I was loved. It was like I started remembering as soon as I saw the emptiness of my car. My mind wanted nothing to do with all my things being gone, or how lucky I was and how much I still had compared to some. I sent a photo of it to my soul mom. Her and I first connected through Ram Dass, Krishna Das' movie One Track Heart was our first date and then we went on a Living Meditation pilgrimage to India and to Ram Dass' retreat together.  Her response . . .  HOW PERFECT.

"Never without Grace."

The last time I remember really feeling that deep of a let go was on that said India trip walking down this amazing mountain (the one Hanuman was born on) after having a lot of conversing with the Divine, feeling my individual soul merge with the oneness and feeling like that Rumi poem. "The power of love came into me, and I became fierce like a lion, then tender like the evening star." 

My mind was sarcastically saying . . . "really, now your inside the Rumi poem?!" But my heart was melting, growing and connecting to this mountain's light, to this goddess' seed infused inside my heart and the wind like nothing I ever felt before. I had let go and softened so much of myself I felt this unexplainable tenderness at the same time there was an overwhelming fierceness that came through. Like an I have to do this. I have to say YES to my heart, to Love and to my life from now on no matter what.

Many times in the months that preceded my car being stolen due to some shitty circumstances, a ton of loss, grief and shame were present even though on the outside nothing was really "happening" that people could see. The young drug addicted girl in me showed up in my being to be healed and held. I questioned my faith so intensely at times. Everything that was so sacred and real to me started to feel so far away and false. I kept telling myself I was healing this shame for the collective feminine, because at times it feels way beyond me and my story. How could I feel so much love and then get so burned?

I questioned why if I was so blessed and loved that I felt so completely lost and forgotten. I was burning like a wildfire. The grief that began to unmask itself a couple years before after Ram Dass' retreat was in full swing. I had the yoni then to set my intention to heal the grief I never allowed myself to feel from my father as I wanted redemption and freedom so badly in my heart and in my life. 

I longed to  move forward and have healthy relationships with men and with my self worth. So I could serve more and live more in alignment with what my heart truly wants. Which all went out the window in the process btw. The move I made from Brooklyn to Los Angeles was in some ways reckless.  I had no money to do so, I barely knew anyone and yet I wanted it and my bull head and wild heart got me all the way there. To that very moment sitting in my empty car and I was no longer terrified like I had been for months on end. The sadness felt tender and the grief was there but I didn't mind it so much. The relief that comes when we finally stop fighting.

But for some months on end I was so scared all the time. My friends were all the way across the country, I had taken a step away from the spiritual community that helped me save my life, no boyfriend, sober, no cigarettes to smoke, no one to hide behind and there I was with the mountain of my grief and my shame. 

The death of a father, an abortion, all of your "stuff" stolen, I start to wonder if that fantasy I have always had about being a nun was perhaps meant to be. Or was I just living through this life in accordance with what my soul needs to heal and evolve, and it doesn't have as much to do with "me" as I had come to believe it had? I have felt that longing so badly in moments I thought I could die from the heartache. The pure pain that makes you scream in the shower.

Then that timeless pause in my car, seeing this reflection of Maharaji looking at me and knowing on a bone and soul level that I am, we are, never without Grace?! What a trip.

It had been hard to write since then, hard to reflect on the way things were before because it brings up so much. But lately I've come slowly back into remembering. Back into a deep care and massive trust and love for myself in a way I may have never known otherwise.

I'm not sure why I seem to only learn through mistakes and failures so much. But maybe it's the same reason I'll decide to run down a mountain in the way my soul wants me to move, barefoot  after a rainstorm with no inhibitions while inviting the glistening drops on the leaves and the mud in between my toes to inspire the way I serve. Or why I have to make my way off the trail to find a place to take my clothes off and be alone within the sun and the streams. Maybe it is what gives me to gifts of the the women whom I get to witness healing and evolving, change their lives and their own stories in amazing, potent ways.

Maybe the failures are what help me stay present and more tuned in when someone close to me is suffering. This life that is now mine again perhaps has so much space so I have time to be with the women that come to me for support. Maybe this is the way my life is supposed to look. WIth debt, with failure written all over it, that darkness always there, the light and the sacred fire shining throughout.

That failure and that darkness keeps me humble, alive, and real. I'm committed to not living or reacting from that place in me. I'm open to living true and letting myself be used by God however I am meant to be. 

My addictive tendencies gift me with a sensitivity to fall deeply in love with a moment just because. And a sincerity and perseverance that is needed to be happy and in love with life. That shame is why I can feel into every inch of my body and fill it with love most days and the grief opens me up to being alive and really caring. It helps me feel into and sense that the bigger picture is not only about my work and my life purpose, but this deep and wild calling. The evolution of my heart and of the Soul.

Now sometimes for a laugh I imagine the people that may have found my stuff- someone spiritually on fire inside that tent I did some powerful transformational work in totally blessing everyone that comes by and performing miracles beyond anything I've seen. Maybe under a bridge somewhere or maybe they took that red dress to Bali, Lord knows that deserved to travel.

So many times I want to feel like I can do the work all inside, all those hours and all that time invested sitting on my ass in retreats and learning the invaluable skill of connecting to Spirit and to my soul in an authentic way. But the truth is that my life is where it all gets worked out. No matter how I try to hide or run or stay and really go for it! Don't wait go for your dreams is definitely the attitude to live with and a vibe I can totally hang in.  And the falling, the fear and the depths of sadness are here in that too.While I may not be as terrified and angry as I was a few months ago, when the curtain closes there are still many tears backstage. Thank God.

Somehow the love comes back no matter what. I am holding this space open as much as I can bare to be in it. That 's why when I'm alone I connect in and move my body in whatever ways it asks me to. Or I go out and get what my heart need's from the Earth. It's why I write even if I can stand myself enough to share it. It's why I sit in my seat as healer and a teacher. There I have an immense responsibility to show up that I take very seriously and that seat brings a current of love and joy in waves I am learning how to surf and share.

I have the third step prayer written on a big piece of paper on my wall and I love to use it in my practice. I like to feel used in a certain twisted way, and now I get to in a way that is for the good of all! Oh my how the tables can spin, turn, get knocked over and rebuilt. 


God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!

 

Feeling fortunate to offer my love of yoga and it's teachings this weekend on Heidi Rose Robbin's annual Radiant Life women's retreat where there will be astrology, writing, poetry, movement, community, realness, love and amazing nurturing food and circling with the incredible kitchen healer Jules Blayne Davis.

I'm feeling so grateful for this life and these breaths that I get to teach about and this heart I can feel into. May we all continue to follow our souls calling and dance to that heartbeat drum inside, whisper just for fun and lose ourselves for deep moments when we kiss and make love.

May we realize that we can learn how to feel pleasure inside our bodies and that our bodies and lives truly are landscapes for our awakening. 

Reach out and share your beautiful self, I would love to hear from you.. 

Sending heaps and mounds of sweet, soft love and strong powerful respect and soul beauty love blasts your way.

Grateful for you and us and all that we have inside,

Adriana

New Moon Everyday Love

Courage is not the absence of fear but the understanding that other things are more important.
 

Happy New Moon!


Hi there! I am so grateful to connect and stay connected with you in this way. Take a deeper breath and feel how connected we always are in our hearts.

Yesterday morning I woke up to an incredible thunder and lightening storm with a massive downpour here in Los Angeles. I knew upon waking up it was an auspicious time- between the new moon eclipse approaching and Shivaratri (an annual holiday in reverence to the God Shiva.) The intensity of the storm felt right in line with the energy of Shiva.

Shiva is the God of destruction and transformation. It's a natural and powerful force within and around us.  It takes away what isn't serving to make space for us to be new and create what is more true and in alignment with our souls purpose.

Sometimes that means something we've been asking for comes our way and we have to find the courage within to accept and embrace letting all parts be seen and vulnerable, other times it comes in the form of a spiritual butt kicking that connects us even deeper to our inner warrior. Either way the result is usually a deeper connection to what is true for us and more freedom to create and live fully.

This new moon in pisces is a time of getting into our emotional bodies and creating, healing for the good of all in our communities, and what feels like to me a time to move into a deeper trust and courage within. Read more about the moon here.The morning storm's energy brought me into a feeling of gratitude and humility for all my mentors, teachers and the many masters that have paved the way.

A wise man I once knew suggested to someone having trouble connecting to God or a higher power that they use lightening as their God. He shared with us how when he first got onto a path he used the ocean for guidance and support. I really related to that. He was a very funny man and shared with passion and excitement how lightening and the ocean are tangible things in the world and in nature you can see, so you can't deny their existence and power. 

Often times in our work with yoga and on a spiritual path, we are connecting to the unseen, but the power and the support is the same. A couple things that have helped me over the years is learning how to see and serve the people I am surrounded by (always a work in progress) and praying the serenity prayer when I go to sleep, when I wake up and pretty much anytime I can throughout my days.  

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference. 

It's been a great support for me especially in super hard moments. It is a massive shift and release and other times it is simply a super sweet reminder of what's really important. A refocus back the source and turning our attention towards the sacredness of the moment.

I've been working with others as a hairstylist since I was in high school and have always loved empowering through beauty and connection. When I stepped more fully into my role as a teacher, women's circle facilitator and healer it became obvious to me that this opportunity for deeper connection and healing can happen within anything we are doing. In healing haircut sessions we get to help you practice feeling good and safe around change and making space for what you are looking to create in your life.

As yogis sand seekers and with the support of one another we find the sacred in the mundane and the teachings in our challenges. I love learning from my students how they connect and remember what is sacred and what brings them courage. 

I have a lot of new classes and offerings in LA - mostly in Echo Park at Yogala Studios- healing haircuts (haircut and Reiki) as well as a weekly chanting and meditation class, Awakened Feminine Spirit circle and I will be leading a Full Moon Class and Circle on the 22nd in Manhattan Beach at Yoga Loft


NJ and NY I will be back for hair, healing and kirtan April 9th for a week reply to this to schedule a session.

May we remember to ask how we can be of service in any given moment and let the extraordinary love within our hearts shine forth. Take care and reach out for support with sobriety, sacred embodiment, haircut love and meditation training.


Work to extricate yourself from the illusion of your own separateness, and then you do what you do in life. And as you do what you do in life, if you’re a shoemaker you make shoes, if you’re a mother you raise your children; whatever you’re doing that is the vehicle through which you express that. It’s like C.S. Lewis saying you don’t see the center because it’s all center. But whatever you are is the center of the whole game, and it resonates out from there. A fully conscious bus driver can affect everybody that’s in the traffic around them, everybody that steps on their bus. 
— Ram Dass
Adriana RizzoloComment
Love Becoming Me - A story about meeting Ram Dass
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"I love everyone... even me." Ram Dass"

I went from Hawaii with beloved spiritual teacher Ram Dass to the beaches of LA and now im sitting in a cafe in the magical Topanga Canyon.  So much beauty, so much churning and burning, so many tears, and laughs have erupted over this past week.  And as RD says,  "it's all grist for each other's mill of awakening."

Naturally everyone wants to know about my experience with Ram Dass.  How amazing it was and some nuggets of teaching he gave.  But honestly he doesn't teach anything.  Not in the traditional sense.  He just loves.  He sees and meets people where they are at and gives them what they need to move more into themselves, more into Love.  It's incredible and heart opening to witness that, and to be with him in the flesh.  I'm so grateful to RD, everyone who helped put together the Open Your Heart in Paradise retreat, and to the land and the ocean and the sky in Maui that helped me connect and heal so much during those 5 days.  Processing any retreat takes some time, but this is the beginning of my insights. 

The theme of the retreat was Love and Power.  So this is a story not only about how amazing it was, but also about some of what I learned and experienced on an inner level.  I learned how I give my power away and how that keeps me from Love.  What needed to be forgiven and let go.   Even though I'm putting a ton of LOVE into these words, I teach through sharing my experience of transformation.  It's the reason why I do any of this at all.  Hopefully this will hit you in a place that matters and wakes you up to whatever you may be hungry for today.

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A little backstory.  I've loved Ram Dass since I was a teenager taking a lot of LSD and found the book 'Be Here Now'.  Like most Ram Dass lovers 😊.  I would to try to follow what it said and meditate for 5 mins everyday when I was in college.  And when I met my spiritual teacher and mentor Harshada, he mentioned Ram Dass and that was part of the soul connection I had made with him that first time we met.  

On my 30th birthday Harshada opened up my copy of 'Be Here Now' to the page that read ... "Painted Cakes Do Not Satisfy Hunger."  I remember at the time looking at that and trying to think about it literally- obviously super confused.  I was having a birthday party in this house upstate I was living at, with lots of friends and music and crystal bowls- it was a great time.  It was my first sober birthday and I invited everyone I knew.  Since then that teaching has began to settle deeper and deeper into my consciousness, and I've recognized it in different situations in my life.  From a past relationship I was trying to force into something it wasn't - to my most recent experience on retreat with the man who wrote the book himself.

The spiritual path in my experience, sadhana, isn't always sweet and easy.  It has and does bring me a contentment and happiness in my life that I never knew before.  But it's called "work" for a reason.  It takes guts to look at your bullshit over and over again, each time strengthening your ability to stay in your power and love no matter what comes up.

To have the opportunity and be open and willing to share a moment of oneness with Ram Dass.  Wow.  On top of the cake I was chanting with Krishna Das every night and snorkeling with the fish in the warm blue water and allowing myself to be held and healed- floating dead style in the ocean.  Naturally that was all BLISSFUL and UNFORGETTABLE.  But to say that was my experience initially would be untrue.

Somehow even with ALL of that, it was work to get there.  I don't just mean physically - that part was easy in a way.  I mean emotionally, mentally, spiritually.  I have to admit for some reason I assumed I was going on a "spiritual vacation" (hah), and on a subtle level went seeking something outside of myself.  I should perhaps know my path and how fierce and direct it is by now, but sometimes I dream it is just all cake and orgies and stuff like that.

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So I did have some cake and I danced and I got a tan, but on an inner level what I found was an old pattern of not being there for MYSELF, feeling afraid and unsure - out of my comfort zone.  Going to old ways of trying to connect or get attention, looking, seeking, searching.  I found a deep aversion to the spiritual scene (as I do a lot of times).  I was triggered not only by my stuff coming up, but by anything or anyone spiritual in a room full of 300 beautiful seekers-  all with their own sincere intentions to heal and evolve and all their "stuff" coming up too. Man it was intense.  I could sense all that what happening on this energetic level but on the outside everyone was just having a great time it seemed. I was feeling alone and in my head, unraveling in a situation that did not feel safe or supportive to me. People partying and doing their own things that triggered my self righteousness to no end- even though I longed to see the face of God in everyone.  Before I knew it I found myself pretending like everything was great. Tranced out in an old pattern of avoidance and unconsciously committing so deeply to some sadness, grief, separateness - that It became my experience.

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On this retreat I needed to feel discomfort and feel how I run and hide when I need myself the most.  As my wise friend once put it...  I will abandon my own ship in a second.  Especially when it gets sad or hard for me emotionally.  Especially when it's me that needs Love and not someone else.   But the truth is when I'm in that stunned state it is hard for me to be there for anyone really.  It's painful in a quiet, subtle way.  And why is it that I see serving others as a service to God but not myself?

A new chunk and flavor of abandonment was coming off me. I never even looked at abandonment as something I can do to myself.  I always saw it from the perspective of something someone Has done and does to me!  But not showing up for myself is and was, up until now, keeping me withheld and withdrawn.  Keeping me from my power and the Love.  And then there was good old grief.  As much as i want these parts of me that don't serve to go, I hold tight and then even have to grieve as they fall away.

My ego likes to tell the story about how I've dealt with this grief already, or this thing I've been working on for so long.... "Ugh, it's still here?!?!?!" But that only keeps me from looking at it all from a place of power and fearlessness. I believe we use our lives to heal and work out whatever is keeping us separate from the power of our souls and the true passion and wisdom of our hearts.  And anyway it's an honor and great fortune to even have the opportunity to wake up to love like this. I mean how many people even get to do that?

My work lies in choosing greatness and love for myself.   Identifying with the power and beauty of the soul.   Over and over again.  Maybe yours is different but I believe that we all deserve that.  I don't believe in the old... you have to love yourself before loving others, because I've learned so much by practicing seeing and being there for others.  By taking "me" out of it when I am loving and serving, has helped me to get over whatever would be holding me back from really being there and fully seeing someone else or a situation on all levels.  

But being there for myself in this conscious, inner way is different.  It's next level radical aloneness.  It's finding the joy in serving myself on this level. The cool thing is we all grow and heal through each others experiences.  It can be scary for any of us to live with an open, tender heart. On the deepest level our experiences are all so similar.  Finding that joy within Being with and loving myself is what makes my experience and intention in serving others more pure and direct.  There seem to be different levels to how we serve.  This is how we get fed by it instead of burnt out.  Because it's not coming from a place of being needed.  It's funny I feel like I "got" all of this before but everytime we think we get something or know something we are kindof screwed right?!

Someone asked Ram Dass something about how he came to recognize the soul and he replied... "It wasn't from being a psychologist."  And then cracked up.  He goes on to say that his sadhana was going from his head to his heart.  We can know so many things but transformation comes from us living through it and learning, really growing from our experiences.  A retreat or a course gives us the space to do that, and so do our lives if we let them be filled with that kind of intention.  If we make everything we do intentional, weigh our decisions against our greatness, we shed light on the hidden parts and uncover more light.  The only way is through.  It's what being a yogi is all about.  And it means different things at different times.  It's our ability to be fluid and sensitive with all that there is. And to hold a space for the power of our souls at the same time.  This is how we get fearless and move through to a more open and loving part of ourselves.

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And then there is the soul and our ability to connect soul to soul.  RD mentioned how one of the advantages of identifying as a soul is that you see other souls.  Because every soul has love, wisdom, compassion, joy.  Then we can begin to know love beyond the limitations of our egos and personalities.  The work I have done so far helped me Connect to my soul. That's what moved me to look at Ram Dass in his beautiful blue eyes and speak to him with my heart.  I waited until the last possible moment to do so, but I did it and I'm so happy I didn't let myself get in the way of making that connection.

What satifies my hunger is really going for it and loving hard even when something inside is telling me not to.  Connecting to my soul, to your soul, and to the oneness that we share.  Although my path has brought me more happiness, bliss, pleasure and joy than I ever knew before, it's not just about how amazing everything is all the time. (Or is it?!) It's also about being alive.  Another wise friend reminded me through text about how RD always says,  and this, and this, and this. Being awake to what is. And then moving on. Even in moments of discomfort and deep healing.  Sharing our experiences WHILE keeping an awareness of the wisdom of our hearts.  To speak the words we long to hear and to be there for others to do the same.  To me this is powerful and it's REAL and it's how we can shift and change the world.  Ram Dass did tell us to save the world because we love it, not out of anger or guilt.  And the only world I feel like I can truly change is mine.  What other one do I have really?

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I went on that retreat with the intention to remove anything I'm holding onto that is making it difficult to step up and into true love and success right now.  To embody the woman I know I am inside in every way.  To know that no matter what I'm going through I'm ok.  And it's ok.  I am coming home having found mostly a new appreciation for all the beautiful support in my life, and within myself. 

I feel my heart in a new way and am happy to return home to all of the love that I love so much.  On this retreat I touched the part of myself that is afraid to be great.  The part that forgets how funny she is, how connected and how powerful.  To know that we can satisfy our hunger for change and love and anything by the wonderful power of Grace and through using our bodies and lives to make it happen, is a miracle. Just like Ram Dass, just like me, and just like YOU!

*Oh and on a side note, we all swam In the blue with RD on the last day and chanted OH JOY over and over.  And it was AWESOME. 

Xo

Adriana

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"Suffering is a part of the plan of it all and suffering stinks.  And as human being you do what you can to end suffering because of the compassionate nature of your heart at the same moment you know that it's perfect including your wanting to get rid of it." RD *Photo by Jerry Scarnato

#awakenedfeminine #artofloving #lovehardlivetrue #loveandserve

 

The Incredible Power of Touch

If you are God, and God is on your side . . . then who could be against you?

Women's shame and rage has seemed to me to be up and out there, from our own efforts of evolving to the shitty ways it's been in the media these most recent days. This is a post about the many ways we can heal through touch and being touched. Oh Lord the awesome, incredible power of touch just happens to be right here, in between my breasts, in this place called the heart.

Do you know how it feels when you haven't been touched in awhile? Omg it can be intense right?! Your body and insides start to ache or feel lonely and frustrated. It can also at times be a beautiful feeling of longing if you tap into it inside of out. 

Being and feeling touched is a such a key ingredient in our practice to be present with ourselves and one another. For some of us multiple elements go into it in a way that brings about more presence, comfort, ease, openness and so much love that our skin softens and opens.

We ain't talkin' about just any ol' touch here folks . . . And for those that have experienced any trauma this is especially the case.

Since I was a kid I have always had a super charged sensual and sexual body. Seems kind of weird but you know how kids are with that stuff. Natural, honest and curious there is little holding back. Some kids seem to have it more than others. 

There may have been some sexual trauma, or it was just passed down to me from my mothers lineage who experienced a lot of abuse. Either way that fire that makes me the wild and free woman I am today had, and has, it's shadow.

In part because of society and what we all have been conditioned to feel is ok or not ok, but much of it has caused me harm, shame, blame and pain in the end and I have come to learn on my own the shadow of that beautiful energy in me is quite the opposite to helpful. Reacting from the shadow of this power that in all of it's light is glorious juicy, creative love.

I was always someone who was touched and liked to touch others a lot. When it came to romantic relations it was often unhealthy, not having boundaries around how and when and why I wanted to be touched or didn't.  It was and still can be confusing, do I wan tot have sex but I don't but he's not man so... it goes on and I hear it all the time from my women. 

It's why I actively chose to stop having sex for awhile, mostly to see what would happen. What happened was that there was a lot of shame and heartache and grief to heal and be felt and still to heal and feel. And then there was the tremendous creative energy and natural power that I tapped into as well. ANd when it comes to all the other stuff, I don't have all the answers but I know it's time for us to listen to our bodies and give up the shame and blame game we put on ourselves. ok?!

Healing the shame we all hold is a doorway to deeper intimacy, trust within our bodies and connection to that truth we are all starving for. That little one inside we ignore can be fed and matched. We can now settle into being touched with tremendous love and enjoy it. Whether alone, with our healers or with our lovers and partners.

I am still working on relating to this part of myself and Grace, or at least have to be awake to it's presence and not react from the shadow of it but love this part of me. Not try to get rid of it but use it. It's a way that I get to feel that touch within on a subtle level. Now, I am committed to listening to her (the fire and the sacred/sensual energy), consciously letting her nourish me throughout the day, so I can then nurture those around me.  

You know how you get all energized and excited when you're newly in love? It's like that, except the love energy is driven towards your life and your own wild heart and connection. We can of course do this when we are in love too and in relationships too - one of the most beautiful aspects of partnership that sometimes requires work well worth it.

On our own we can generate that same excitement for life as we hold space for the right lover and partners, focus on our businesses or families. To know what this feels like within ourselves is a big deal. I personally learned through training with a teacher very connected and initiated into a lineage where this energy is what people connect to, to heal and get free. Now I am learning to feel this completely on my own and within the many bodies of nature.

Not easy . . . there have been times facing into all this shame in me where I felt unseen and totally helpless, like after a breakup in a relationship you gave all of your power away. All totally worth it to know how special and important it is for me now to know that everything I have learned and seen on my journey so far is truly inside and right here. Right now. Not that that is my experience all the time, but a deep knowing that I am working into my body. Rewriting with super loving, powerful touch.

We know touch is crucial for emotional bonding in newborns, and as adults we crave that same bond - both within and with others. Touching, stroking and holding ourselves. Dancing especially when you don't feel like it is huge and is great medicine for healing the psychological hardness and bs that arises when facing into shame.

After hearing this suggestion by another woman in a circle a couple months back, I began to make part of my practice gently stroking my face and my body. And I don't mean just sexually but sensually. When I teach the sacred sensuality workshops we practice using creative movement and sound. From the very gross physical and voice to the super subtle energy of our wild hearts and sacred pelvic fires in meditation. It is all an invitation to receive, connect, surrender, heal and make space to create.

I will often start my online healing sessions by having women feel their hands on their face, head, arms. To brush away neck and back tension using our hands can release stress. Touching all parts of your body with your hands can bring more presence and love there.

Different than completely ignoring, or only giving the self-hating eye to it in the mirror. I completely know what that's like.

Our hands are insanely connected to our hearts. With practice this connection gets stronger. It is an energy that moves not from us but through. When we learn this on a subtle energetic level then the physical brings it all together in a bigger way whether we are moving, dancing, healing, receiving, orgasming or simply breathing consciously. It all takes on a new wave of deep potent Love. 

It is your creative and birth right to feel yourself in this way. To love yourself and heal yourself in this way. Maybe you commit to dance naked in front of the mirror until your awareness shifts and expands so vast you can see that you are more than all of that flesh and bone.  You will start to see your love. Your heart. The way that Grace moves your body, whether it's looks good or awkward or spaztic or sexy, Grace loves it all, and so can you. Your power and your beauty truly comes from deep within you.

If you are God, and God is on your side . . . then who could be against you?

To learn how to move past any shame and guilt and experience the soft gentle yet massive power that you hold in your touch, in your body is no small deal. I have a ton of support in my life so I can support others. That's the way it works.  And if you have things come up or any shame or trauma in your body then you should too. I want you to know that you are not alone.

In the safe, healing touch of another we can let go of so much that hold us back from being with ourselves in a deep intimate and loving way. It can help us manifest our wishes and desires in our high moments and help us heal what's coming up in the lows. Touch, both physical and energetic is part of living a healthy, balanced, conscious loving life.

Reach out if you need support and if you want to learn more about Sacred Sensuality join us at Maha Rose on February 13th, a Full Moon Women's Circle Feb 22nd at Devi Yoga and an intimate Joy Circle Session with Samantha Elkrief  that is a sound and healing touch, kirtan, discussion and food event . . . more information for February events here!

Sending a Big Hug and Love Touch to you

Xo





Adriana RizzoloComment
Radical Aloneness on Shame

 

 

"Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark."  ~Tagore

I am healing and I am healed!

I still try to protect myself even now where there is safety and Love, while overcome and ecstatic inside the joys of simply being a soul in a woman's body.We woke up into foggy filled longing for . . . Truth. Acceptance. Touch. You. Someone. Anyone.

Oh, Grace.

The shame speaks seductively with an old story of not good enough while the wind swirls around in a sweeter voice and the truth remains true, as it does. This shame is not me and that blame is not you. You are the one to feel all that has been left the most. Within the amazing ways you love your children.

For the feminine soul I breathe and I beg in prayer. To be the work that is so much bigger, and just as big as me. As you. As her.

I'm tired of protecting my heart, aren't you?

Growing up and to this day I never really considered myself an artist.  Perhaps it wasn't nurtured well enough as a kid. I do remember how much I loved to draw, paint, write, sing and dance more than anything else.

Like most kids I suppose, but it really was my saving Grace in a lot of ways. Performing, painting drawing, taking photos when I was pre-teen, all the way until drugs and alcohol became my outlet and main form of expression and release.

Years of feeling painfully disconnected, suffering massive anxiety, unseen and unable to speak or share at all began to transform into practicing honesty and using the pain I felt as a doorway to deeper love, trust and intimacy.

Those years of psychedelics now I see helped me tap into a world I was comfortable in, one not fully here on Earth but protected, and one that at the time really kept me going. I was (and often am) always looking to get free and be loved.

Although lifetimes of transformation has gone on and the ways I connect to and express this wildness in me has completely changed, I am in a lot of ways still the same girl from New Jersey.

For better and for well . . . you know what they say. There are great days and intensely hard ones too. Relatively speaking.

The main difference is that now I consciously know what my inner wisdom sounds and feels like. I have always cared but now i'm more willing to do something about it. Loving ourselves is to care about listening to your body's intuitions and longings, to take the baby steps, and to remember we are always learning.

Over the years of healing and meditation training I began to get in touch with this wild and free creative Spirit inside again in ways that satisfied the hunger. I like to call her Awakened Feminine Spirit. 

This past weekend I chanted and did sound healing for a couple of women's circles. It is always such an honor and deeply humbling experience with chanting because it used to be so hard for me to open my mouth and share my voice.

It is incredible to be in a seat where you are serving and you really get the space to see what is coming up for you without being able to run or hide.  Sometimes it is pure divine nectar dripping all over my face and body and other times it's like an elementary school bully fest. The shame,the blame, the self abuse gets louder and dissolves into the sacred sound.

To feel everything that goes on within us and to be forgiving and loving and kind is no small job.  In one circle we called out things we feel shame for and whomever had a similar experience raised their hand, wow.  THe power and healing that comes from knowing we are not alone is immense. The other piece of it is knowing that sense of "not alone" when it's just us and God.  Feeling that power of togetherness when we are alone is a huge piece of radical aloneness.

All of our efforts to heal and be healed and release the shame that comes from old stories are acknowledged by Spirit and by our feminine hearts. The fruit is in the attempt and in the failures too.  The gift is really right in the journey of learning how to be yourself- through it all, and the faith, the trust, that we can't stop from showing up.

‪#‎awakenedfemininespirit‬ ‪#‎artofloving‬ ‪#‎femininefreedom‬ ‪#‎soulbeautymagic‬‪#‎shamespeaks‬ ‪#‎notbuyingit‬ ‪#‎loveandserve‬ ‪#‎longing‬ ‪#‎light‬ ‪#‎makemeanangel‬‪#‎shaktifilledhearts‬ ‪#‎wildwisdom‬ ‪#‎radicalaloneness‬ 

Photo by @megshoemaker

Adriana RizzoloComment
Radical Aloneness in Faith

"Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark."  ~Tagore

Radical aloneness is about being kind and loving even when you're alone. In the quiet places we so seldom reach. It's about learning to love that space and everything inside it.

Not perfectly but with commitment. It's a choosing to be where you are with amazing, gut wrenching, throat choked honesty. With tear filled eyes or with a big ass smile.

We want to see you. All of you. A decision to choose your life with whom you are with or without, as opposed to life just happening to you. It's a way of "grabbing life by the balls", as we say in jersey ...

It's an empowered way to stand exactly where you are and have that be where you start. Not once you get rid of your anger or jealousy or shame or fear or you accept some other way of being.

It's a learning how to truly love YOU no matter what, and be as naked and free as we we're when we came and will be when we leave.

It's about joy and not being afraid to express our intimate, vulnerable creative selves. The ones that only we can tap into and share.  

I am helping women find their voice, and build an authentic connection to Spirit. Together we explore the sacred space of the womb, expand the healing energy of the heart and discover the power of the feminine soul. Why? To get support in making shifts in your life that will bring you into a bigger space and world that reflects your greatness. To learn to trust yourself and share your creativity. To get support around healing from sexual trauma, shame, addiction and living a life absent of pleasure or creativity. Email here to connect and schedule a session.

#radicalaloneness #wildwisdom #wisewomantraining

Adriana RizzoloComment
A prayer from the Sacred Masculine and Divine Feminine
Your brothers and fathers support, adore, and love you. We are sorry for all the hurts we have brought. And we ask for forgiveness. All we've ever wanted is to see you shine - standing in you power - being the glorious, radiant being of love, that you are.

"I'm not good at being vulnerable" is something I hear so much from the women I work with and have felt a lot of in the past my own relationships. The truth is I never felt safe.  Within myself or within a relationship. There happened to be, like for many of us some great reasons for that.

Staying in our power as women and opening to the vulnerability asked of us in conscious relationships (friends, lovers, marriages) is a big deal for most who have been hurt, abandoned and who have hurt others (who hasn't). Often we all have great reasons for feeling like we're "bad" at being vulnerable.  First of all, let's just say ... we're all pretty bad at it. And, simply because we give a shit, makes us really good at it too.

It's a big growth edge for all of us.  Maybe that's why when we feel ourselves soften inside in the presence of another or with Grace, it's so incredibly profound. Moving past old paradigms of unconscious relating naturally gets messy, people get hurt, we fuck up too. Individual "inner work" is one part, bringing what we learn to our relationships and lives, what one of my teachers would call "where the rubber meets the road" is how we truly see where we're at.

That's where we have the chance to test out our courage, make big shifts and radically accept and forgive ourselves. For the record up until now, I almost always fail that test at least once or twice, with some things so many times.  These wounds, these patters we are in are deep grooves.  They take time to heal. 

To allow ourselves to get close to that Divinity in another person in no small deal.  And, it's an amazing gift we get to share, some of the sweetest nectar we get to taste in life is being close to someone else's heart, as well as our own.

Opening up to vulnerability and honesty is something we can practice within ourselves, trusted friends, our teachers and mentors and with our connection to Spirit so we know who we are, so we can feel more, and be present with what comes up for us while attempting to "walking our talk".  We have all been hurt and have hurt others.  And it sucks.  As women there are ways we can go inside and heal our womb space and reclaim our power and our softness. 

During a recent chat with friend and author/awesome relationships expert Marcus Ambrester about the work I'm doing with women, he asked me to share this prayer with you from the sacred masculine.  

Pause and take a breath and then open yourself to take this into your heart. This is a prayer from the sacred masculine to your hurts and hearts ... 

"Your brothers and fathers support, adore, and love you. We are sorry for all the hurts we have brought. And we ask for forgiveness. All we've ever wanted is to see you shine - standing in you power - being the glorious, radiant being of love, that you are."

I let that sink in, feeling the resonance in my body and my excitement to share it with women I know need to hear that.  Many of us have a history of unhealthy relationships or come from a lineage of abuse and trauma. Healing the father wound is a big thing for women.  On my own healing journey, I am terrified of disappointing others because I have always felt like I was responsible for everyone else's happiness.  That is a story I picked up in the womb, and one I am currently rewriting

We are here to help each other heal old hurts to evolve and experience more joy, freedom and love in our lives. It is up to us to step into and play these courageous roles the Earth and Grace is calling us into. 

In this process of collective feminine healing, along with treating each other as women with more love and respect, we've also been looking at how we relate to men. What's ok, what isn't, what we want, what we don't. How we want to be seen, felt, honored. On our own we've been learning how to give ourselves the respect we want from others, how to care for our hearts the ways we long to be loved, how to get from Spirit all that we have never received. More or less. ; )

Being so dedicated to women's work over these years has been a transformational, mind-blowing and heart opening honor.  Now I have some amazing men in my life that are doing incredible, heart inspired work too. How AWESOME! So what about how we as women see, hold space for and treat men? I've focused so much on how i want to be treated, I'm embarrassed to admit I haven't even really considered deeply up until recently what a mans heart needs.  How can we honor and respect them for all the hard work they are doing?  How do we hold space for their power, feelings and hearts? 

Relating to men has always been an interesting and challenging for me, having a pretty intense father wound and really no great examples of how a women can be empowered and also give a man what he wants and needs in a relationship. What does it mean to honor and listen to men in a whole new way, from this bigger place of empowerment and feminine care? Sharing not only what we need and want (which is a big deal) but stepping into deeper intimacy and truth with conscious men by acknowledging who they are and what they need too. For me, this is a whole new ground as an awakening woman.

I got curious after receiving that blessing to ask what he would want to hear from the divine feminine. This was his response which I will offer to the sacred masculine.

from the divine mother in all of us ...

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the grandfathers and the fathers weren't there to teach you how to be the kind of man you're capable of being. I'm sorry that I wasn't the mother you needed to show you how to live with your heart wide open and still grow into your masculine glory. Its not your fault that you're hurting. And now that you're a man it's your responsibility to grow. I can't help you with that anymore. I should have done it when you were young, & I couldn't. I'm sorry. Now, my son, I will love you and support you and honor you and celebrate you. Grow strong with your heart big and glorious, feel the Love and Presence of the Divine flowing through you and holding you. Do it for your daughters, do it for your lovers, do it for me."

We are the ones to heal the shame and suffering of our ancestors. We are the ones to learn how to connect with ourselves in radical ways, with so much love and respect for each other as women and to men in ways that are powerful and healthy.  We are here to transform.  Spirit wants us to know how strong we are. How good we are, how much we can love and be loved. We all have masculine and feminine energies inside us and many of us are here to help each other heal, grow, get free from our bondage to be able to serve the our lives and the Earth with so much Love and consciousness.

I hope this brings you some peace and light to your beautiful heart and soul today and if I can support you on your journey of healing the womb space and connecting to your power as always, reach out!

With Love,

Adriana

California goddesses join myself and some amazing women next weekend at the Southern Sierra Goddess Gathering women's conference! It's going to be a powerful and fun time of healing, chanting, ceremony and connecting with other women.  There are a handful of spaces left. Click here for more info.

Adriana RizzoloComment
the many faces of failure ...
"she can't be chained to a life where nothing's gained, and nothing's lost." the rolling stones

i don't know about you but i can be the best woman to be around as long as i am remembering who i am and where i am headed. up until now, any hint of rejection, failure, hurt or abandon and i can go blind complaining and talking hurtful smack (to myself or others) ripping and tearing everything around to shreds. i've always needed to feel insanely loved and free to be ok and yet placed myself in situations that did not reflect this desire. sound familiar at all?

the thing we often forget to talk about while going along beating our own drums and trying to be good at life, is the messiness and how life is always giving us an opportunity to see it, heal it, clean it up to experience greater love. we ignore and avoid the inevitable failures of being a woman, a man, or a tribe that is on the road to nowhere in particular but keeps going everywhere awesome.  

but how do we trust our hearts after they have been broken so many times? after each time we mustered the strength to leap and time and time again, along with the amazing experience of flying, we've fallen. not only fallen but crashed.  i can't believe sometimes that my bones are all still intact. how can we honor that whisper that has gotten us into so much trouble? how does one stay wild and free and trust her next step, when so many times, along with the profound liberation, those movements also brought intense pain.  

we all have...many faces. and naturally most people (including ourselves) like some of them, more than others. accept and celebrate some wholeheartedly and reject others with all our might. the thing is although some of them reflect our highest truth and love perhaps, they are all a part of the big Love.and the ones that don't are usually the ones that need it most. 

can your heart feel the pain and remember the freedom that it is really all about?

almost every day for over a year now, I have woken up in debilitating fear. worries of the future, regrets from the past. oh good lord and the mysterious, insurmountable feelings of failure.  it has trapped me many times. i have the tools now to not believe my mind, and connect into what is true.  i know that we revisit past hurts because we can heal them with the love we have grown to know. in theory , yes I know all of that. and oftentimes, it works!  for the record, all the hard work does pay off.

some mornings i lie still as can be under my soft fuzzy blankets and just pray, squeeze tight and release into the arms of Grace wrapped around me.  but there were many nights i fell asleep with a Matt Kahn talk on youtube (he has no idea how many times we've slept together), his reassuring enlightenment illuminating my own heart just enough to feel ok about getting some rest.

lately i wake up and choose to step into my power on purpose. when we can touch our worth even a little bit, and have gotten a lick or a big gulp of our purpose, or even just the burning desire to know it better, we can choose to step into our power on purpose. most of us don't even know what it feels like to be in our power until we decide it's important. and then magically, just like that we begin to feel it. nurture and honor it.

the truth is, i've never safe or loved to just be who i was, or feel what i was feeling. growing up i heard everyone saying they loved me, but I never felt it.  who really knew what hearts were for besides breaking in the early 80s anyway? feeling safe and loved early on became the motivation for everything i did.

i never knew what true love was until i went to India some years ago on pilgrimage and began to get a taste for something i would quickly become crazy for. unconditional love

the thing about unconditional love is that it's always there, right where you are, but seems rare for most of us to always experience ourselves as it.  maybe that's why it's so attractive to us.  we were taught that not everything, not all parts get to be loved. only the ones that someone else wants to accept.  

imagine how wild you could be inside if you felt all parts seen and loved.  even the dark little nasty, ones you think are so ugly. and then feel shame about feeling ugly.  it all piles up like dirty laundry on the floor. how good does it feel to do your laundry? maybe not at first, you kind of forget during but when it's done WHEW!  thank god you decided to do it! 

as conscious women, we long to get closer to ourselves, to each other, and to the people that we love. you're not dirty or worng because of the sexual experiences you've been through.  you're not bad because there are still parts in your that want to be loved. if you ask me, healing shame is the doorway to fearlessly sharing your awakening heart, living a powerful creative life and sense of purpose in your body, and cultivating the willingness to serve as the phenomenal woman you are on this earth. the truth is, we need you.   

i ask women to tell me something about themselves that they love, something they hate or feel ashamed about, or to simply tell me a story about them that I don't know, and as I sit and listen with my heart we begin to move into a new space and time. i love to do this.

we pray, open our voices and bodies together to be closer, to heal and remember the good, the deeper purpose in what we've experienced. what we are going through now connects to something in the past, and one way to keep stepping forward is to revisit scary places in the arms and heart of someone and something who loves you unconditionally. this gives you the courage to remember how far you have come. do this with someone you trust, do this with a tree, and you will see! you can come back again into your place of wisdom and trust.

and so what if i have had a habit of being mean when i got scared. or that i continue to create a life of what seemed to be mistakes and failures. so what if it's all in the name of love an service, learning and all a part of stepping into my power on purpose.

secretly i know that the sweetness of my lips can make up for the mistakes of a million women and so i'll keep on kissing life int he mornings and with every moment, every chance that i get.

sending you all a big smooch and hug!

Xo

Awakened Feminine Spirit women's circle (1).jpg
Adriana Rizzolo Comment
if your yoni had a mouth
This is a story about learning to trust your feelings, intuition and wisdom.   
If your yoni could talk, what wisdom would she share with you? 

Are you a woman who's been through addiction, unworthiness, shame, sexual trauma, abuse, or disempowerment?  Yeah me too! HIGH FIVE. I've learned that taking charge of your healing will lead you to ... self-empowerment, discovering your gifts as a wounded healer, and a life of becoming your amazing authentic self tapped into the delicious, orgasmic, awakened life that you are meant to live.

Many women I meet are in some way cut off from the power of their pelvis. Why you may ask?

1.  It's intense and oftentimes requires training to get into. 2. Trauma (first hand or passed down your lineage), shame, blame, and rage which should be voiced and listened to with care if it is coming up- otherwise no need to push it.  3. For some of us it is part of our paths to becoming a liberated, badass women and healers. 

So, if your yoni had a mouth, what would she say?

For most of my life my yoni has been screaming .. "hey you pay attention to me!" It was only a few years ago that I realized ... Oh girl she's talking to me! And even more recently feeling into the wisdom she wants to share. At first I was kinda bummed to be honest (I really like doing things with other people), but now I feel deeply honored, humbled and excited by this.

An exploration of sexuality began at a young age for me. There are memories of what is considered sexual deviance in our culture, or any I guess haha. From dry humping my friends as a kid, to getting naughty with two boys at once in middle school.  It's something I've always been awake to.  Possibly the only thing for a long time that I even cared about. I have no recollection of being sexually abused, but I come from a long line of abuse and taking on other people's shit while giving my power away was something I was trained to do from birth.  

I didn't grow up around really any what I would consider now empowered women.  I had a sitter who taught me how to paint when I was a kid, and I don't know if she was empowered, but she was the only one who nourished my creative energy so that was something for sure. We would watch Bob Ross and paint trees and happy clouds LOL. The women in my lineage have let men take their power away in many ways and have held massive anger towards them for it. My great grandmother on my dad's side killed her husband, and I've heard awful stories of abuse my grandmother on my mom's side went through. To come into healthy relationships with men for me is no small thing. It feels like a miracle, a gift.

The women that I experienced growing up that seemed to be in their power were the ones I saw in the strip clubs (bourbon street and after dark), that my dad's friend owned.  I was blown away by their beauty and that sexual power they held.  Women are powerful animals.  If you have ever had the good fortune to be with one sexually - you know what I'm talking about. So back to strip club- you know just another Saturday afternoon hanging with my pops before we would go eat some eggplant parm and cokes at Santinos -the local italian restaurant in NJ. Years later this restaurant soon became the place I sat across from my him many dinners while he was high as a kite- unable to sit still, sometimes having to leave. I sat there half baked myself wondering "what's wrong with him?!"  

Everything was always a secret my whole life so avoiding was something I became skilled at. This now is why I can be so good at paying attention! I knew on some level he needed help, and I did everything I could. He suffered immensely from drug addiction after my mom finally left him.

In a way I convinced her to, and I think I felt guilty and responsible for his suffering.  I would go visit him and cut his hair, try to get him to tell me all the things that were good in his life (already coaching before I even knew how), while his empty apartment and life fell apart.  If you've seen an episode of the Sopranos- you have a good idea of what growing up an italian girl in NJ was like for me. No one was awake, and I was confused and humpy as hell.

Fast forward a few years, past his death and my incessant weed smoking to numb out the pain, I found myself at a place called the S Factor in Manhattan. They hold pole dancing classes for women's empowerment. Such beautiful medicine for a lot of women who are really held back in their bodies. And besides yoga it was the first step in relating to my body in a "healthy" way.

If your yoni had a dance what would it look like?

It was the first time consciously relating to my body sexually in a safe environment. I remember how good I felt, and the women I worked with at the time began playfully calling me a sex gremlin because they sensed this part of me that was awakening in a new way. Even though I tried to hide it. It didn't remedy the pain that was soul deep, but it did provide the experience of being in a room of women learning and discovering about their worth and confidence.

It didn't heal my pattern of getting myself into relationships and situations that weren't empowering for me, but it was a start. Exploring our bodies all without mirrors and without men. I remember looking around at one point while "she's my cherry pie, cool drink of water such a sweet surprise..." was blasting and thinking , fuck yeah! The only problem came outside the doors where the mirror and the men returned.

Once I found my way onto a serious spiritual path and began doing deep healing I struggled with many aspects of this sexual desire, this fire in me that was longing for attention.  Through the purification process, painful unconscious patterns were uncovered and I saw how much I needed to be seen in this way. How much shame and blame was living in my root, in this core of my being.  

I began to feel the suffering and trauma was held in my pelvis and I looked closely at the patterns in my life that seemed to be created from this part of me. No wonder why I hated my yoni. So many sexual experiences I wanted no part of, abortion, disempowerment and fear around not being good enough to love and be loved when it was all I ever wanted (and deserved) deep in my heart. I have always sensed the power in it, but I could not yet see the gift.

A few years ago I was on a meditation retreat with David Wagner at Omega Institute in upstate NY.  I was in silence for 5 days.  One day as we walked silently through the woods this mantra ... "You are safe.  You are beautiful.  You are loved." came into me. I took each step and silently kept repeating it as I took in the abundance and pleasure oozing from the leaves on the trees, the breeze carrying us, the other souls on their own journies, the soil beneath my feet. It felt like I was sinking down into the center of the earth with each conscious step I felt.

I began to feel the energy from below my belly button down to my yoni expand and grow.  I remember feeling... it's like I'm pregnant with creativity, with Grace. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I knew in that moment, for the first time, that there wasn't anything wrong with me. I began to hear my yoni's voice in a way that sounded very different. So sweet, gentle and kind. So free. So powerful and content, and most of all full.

I was full of yoni wisdom.  The beauty of my soul was beginning to emerge. I finally felt safe.

Since then it's been a radical journey of empowerment and healing, probably always will be. But now, I know that what I thought was a sex demon in me, is part of my gift.  Part of of my true power as a soul embodied as a woman. I became obsessed with women relating in a soul powered way some years back when we began Awakened Feminine for this reason.  

Now when my yoni and I talk, sometimes she's still an angry old italian woman ready to murder a man (see this post if you want to hear what she sounds like, you know you do!), sometimes she is still starving for male attention. But now, it's different because I can hold those parts with love, and I can trust myself. I can lye down on the earth and receive her blessings and support. And wait, listen for the wisdom.

I have found in practice that energetically our yonis are very connected to our mouths.  Makes sense right?  They both open to receive, experience pleasure, and purge, release what needs to go, doesn't serve.  It's why talking can be such a powerful tool in our healing. I use this connection a lot in my practice and healing work. 

It's a really beautiful way for women to connect to themselves and bring a sense of pleasure into their practice with Spirit. It brings security, playfulness, and creativity to all women, whether they are in a relationship or not.

Your yoni and pelvis have the primal power to connect to God, and to create life! Your life- whatever that looks like. Your passion is right there longing to be honored, wild wisdom unleashed. I honor the ancient wisdom and power that lives inside of your pelvis so much. It's incredibly inspiring and beautiful, wild and infinite.

I'm so thankful to have been so far removed from honoring my feminine energy, for without that perhaps I would have never learned how sacred, how loving and how powerful it truly is.

If your yoni could talk today what would she say?  I dare you to ask her. Remember it doesn't have to be positive, allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest and hold space for all of you to be seen, felt and heard.  Write it out. And if you feel like you need support- please reach out to a good friend or a professional if things like trauma come up.  I am always here, happy to help you discover what your yoni is trying to tell you.

If you are looking for support around empowering and healing yourself through energy and meditation healing I offer awakened feminine spirit sessions that could get you started on your journey of  yoni health and love. Email me with questions and insights!  If things like addiction, shame and anxiety are up for you join me for a workshop on radical self forgiveness this Saturday 12/12 5pm at Yogala studios.  Sign up early here.

*disclaimer* YES I believe all humans have masculine and feminine energy, this is focused on being a woman because that's what I am. And yes I also do yoga and energy healing work with men. but it is not my area of expertise, yet.

Adriana Rizzolo Comment
Hummingbird Prayers

Oh but when the skies arrange themselves so thoughtfully, I cannot deny that you are listening. Cracking jokes, laughing and loving all the hummingbird prayers. 💗

Does the hummingbird ever wonder if she's taken too much, not enough? Is there guilt hanging around her neck for having too many ideas but wanting rest? Does she ever stop to ask permission, or say I'm sorry for no reason at all?

Like watching a scene out of a movie she remembers her part in the making of the story. She turns quick on the perpetrators she's kept around for safety and yells BOO! She grabs them, kisses them hard on the mouth, and carries about her business.

The bluejay warrior spoke to the hummingbird one sunset. Words floated by but she knew in an instant she didn't have to ask anymore, that it was just ok to be herself. It's ok to be funny, and loud, too much or too serious sometimes. The bluejay wonders all the ways she's felt unheard or angry, wishing she would rest her busy mind on a beautiful sky.

But hummingbird's not worried one bit. For she knows the pounding of her sweet, strong ass heart and how 
to follow 
the call.
‪#‎awakenedfemininespirit‬ ‪#‎sisterwhispers‬ ‪#‎hummingbird‬ ‪#‎bluejay‬‪#‎warriorheart‬ ‪#‎femininefreedom‬ ‪#‎lookup‬ ‪#‎pinkskies‬ ‪#‎inyoureyes‬ ‪#‎wildwisdom‬‪#‎wildhearts‬

Adriana RizzoloComment
Radical Self Forgiveness


Strong feelings arise on this path of awakened feminine spirit. Part of why gentle forgiveness is a key ingredient. How could they not while releasing that which blocks us at our core?! What helps you to stay with it and not turn away? For me is all about support, witnessing, love and forgiveness, permission, and finding a healthy expression for all of it! 

This core place has a voice, and longs to be heard and met with strong love and joy. Giving all parts of us a voice ignites our P A S S S I O N, and helps us uncover our M A G I C. What if I said that your anger was the key to unlocking your potential? Or your insatiable hunger for love your GIFT to serving others with sincerity in this world?! Your shame and self-blame the DOOR to your sacred sensuality?! 

For years I've been learning how to access and heal this core place through meditation and self-inquiry. As I do this work with other women, its SO fun to listen and honor the wisdom of her body and empower her to heal her own wounds, allow space for movement of emotional energy- reconnection with spirit. We're here to help each other claim all parts of our wild wisdom, surrender to the good, and acknowledge unexpressed emotions as doorways to our creative, loving, joyous, turned on by life, authentic selves!

Join me this Saturday at Yogla in LA for a self-forgiveness circle focused one supporting healing from addiction and anxiety!  Sign up early here! 

Adriana RizzoloComment
Trust Your Wild

" A lot of times if you find yourself in struggle with trust, the thing to examine is your own marble jar.  How you treat yourself. Because we can't ask people to give to us something that we do not believe we are worth of receiving." - Bene Brown

Dear "crazy" woman,

Maybe you're not crazy! Maybe you just need love. Maybe you need someone to hold you tight. Perhaps, you are healing something massive that will take you to the next beautiful phase of your awakening life.  

Over the past year I've felt some awful things I didn't want to towards people I loved (including myself), and didn't understand why I felt them.  So much shame and blame, towards myself for feeling them in the first place. We blame ourselves or we blame the other, but in either case the hurt is then on us.

We know that telling ourselves positive things and invoking higher vibration feelings and states is the road towards a fulfilling life of service and passion, right?!  Look a this image I posted probably over a year ago... like yeah why don't ya?! Just be cool man, be positive! Not that I disagree with this message at all, but now I have a much better understanding of the "why not". 

Why don't we all just make beautiful stories a reality?! (I actually believe we are).. But what about when we forget that we can?  What's WRONG WITH US??!??!?! AHHHHHH.

After doing a couple of sessions today I realized, hey guess what?!  We're human! And we just want love and safety.  We want it rightfully from those around us, and we don't get it sometimes perhaps for the sake of our own evolution and liberation. To build our trust within. But our reaction to that is often one of rage and abandon, with ourselves and others.

Those old stories, thoughts and feelings that emerge from our unconscious are there for sometimes very ancient, often great reasons. Wiring from the womb, and beyond! Pushing those old stories and feelings away often leads to major self blame, shame and more suffering, deeper mistrust within and without.  Confronting them, getting support, healing, brings us back into a place of not only a deeper trust but a more expansive receptivity and reality.

So how do we release these "shadowy" thoughts and feelings that hold us back in a way that is high vibe and transformational? I have tried many things, and it's good to always check in with what you're doing to see if it's actually helping you. What helps me, and what I offer other women is to have a space to be heard, related to and held in a vibration of love as you move through them.

Love don't care that your crazy.  Love don't care that you feel the collective rage of all women inside!  Living with an awakened feminine heart can be intense.  Other times it's the softest, sweetest, intimate love you could have never imagined possible. The path of the female mystic is one of learning to trust our wild.  

Part of this trust is to learn about, explore, and evolve out of negative states.  But not to ignore them or pretend they don't exist when they do.  Not to pull them out, but to learn to be there for yourself when they are asking for some attention.  It's important in difficult moments to not  fear that you are creating something bad for yourself or the world.

Your love will win every time. It just will. God loves you and will take care of you even through you're shitty thoughts and hard emotions. Your life will still unfold beautifully as you face your challenges and grow from them. Giving our power over to these manifestation ideas can sometimes be a road to even more blame and shame, and is only effective when we are in the place to be creating from our highest wisdom.

When we are not in that place, we are learning deeper ways of connecting to that core wisdom and wild heart truth. Layers- like an onion right?  Sometimes lots of tears... super tasty when cooked. 

It's helpful to give voice to all parts of yourself so you are free to see and honor them and then create more choices when it comes to where we are living from. These new ways we have all been coming into, are new!  The old ones are, old and have been around longer perhaps.  Feeling abandoned and misunderstood?! fuck! We all know how bad that sucks. 

Most of us naturally want to discover and connect to the parts that are in alignment with what our hearts desires and truths, and feel confident about sharing those parts (thats a whole other story). One way is to look at the other parts of ourselves with love that keep our highest and authentic selves in the closet, so to speak.  

I wrote a story about the raging, mean, nasty old Italian woman in me the other night when I couldn't sleep and it felt amazing to let her out in a healthy way. Went something like ...

 I let it flow and flow and purged feelings of hate and this tormented tired old italian woman emerged and erupted like a volcano. the kind of woman that would kill a man with her bare hands. I yelled out the window once, pretending i was in a city in Italy, got back into bed and screamed into my slobbery, wet tear stained pillow, and just fucking cried my heart out. her voice sounded something like this.

"why have you cried so much this year- more than ever before?  nothing even happened, what's wrong with you? You've experienced more pleasure and found a seed of ecstasy in your heart and this is how you act? this is how you repay me for loving you?  you don't love me, you can't love anyone.  you're so ungrateful, unwilling to love." 

Nice right?!  Who the heck is that?!  HAHA.  I'm laughing now but as you can tell (and I spared you the super gnarly stuff) shit's crazy.  It's incredible how effective it can be to give yourself permission to feeling or thinking a certain way that you don't like- disempowered, sad, stupid, guilty, unloving, mean.  How quickly it can all dissolve into you being your true vibrant, creative healthy self. Especially if you have already done quite a bit of "life's work" already.  Which I know you have.

You've already found so much beautiful light. Trust that it will emerge even brighter as you heal deeper stuff, scary stuff.  If you feel you've already been there done that, you probably have.  But who you are right now in this moment hasn't been there for you through it the same way yet.  So here we are.  

One of my intentions with my life and my work is to live and teach women how to mother themselves. How to connect to their inner-healers, elders, children.  Big dreams take time, and a lot of self-care. No matter what anyone says or what your life has been like, if you alive and a human, you've been through a lot. You deserve a HUG and some self-love.  All parts of you, not just the "good" ones.

We are doing this work for each other. We go to God and those who can support us so we can learn to feel safe within our own hearts, to trust and follow our unique wild and to serve the world with more love and compassion. Who cares if you don't feel like doing the work sometimes, me neither.  

You're a beautiful, powerful warrior, especially when you don't feel like one.

Do what you can and need to to make some space for all the parts of you. Lately, I've been dancing before I meditate and chant and it's been great medicine!  Physically shaking things up and moving that fire around inside will keep you warm and build a connection and trust within your own body. Check out below how cool Jimi looks being intense ...

Sending you all big love today!

Adriana

Adriana RizzoloComment
Get It Off Your Chest

Gemini Moon : Express YourSELF

The thing is, none of us are very good at communicating or creating to the degree that we think we need to be to do it.  Some are more impulsive with their words or demanding, and some  internalize and hold back.  But either way,  sharing your heart is about support and fearlessness and hearing someone else has a lot more to do with sharing a reality than anything else.  

It becomes a practice of compassion.  Compassion is the doorway to communication.  In my experience, compassion comes from fucking up, and knowing in my heart what it's like to suffer. AND, to have come out on the other side. Or halfway out, or a quarter of the way out, lol. As we find ourselves able to feel someone else's pain while staying connected to our love and power, we become healers.  

My moon is in Gemini, and speaking my hearts wishes and desires is something that has been VERY challenging. Because of this challenge, I've made it a goal, a passion, to learn about the depths of communication, creativity and the love within vulnerability. The FREEDOM of EXPRESSING your TRUE SELF! AHHH. 

Over the years of training and working with my own voice, creative fire and heart, and now with other women, it amazes me how good it feels when someone can truly "hear" you without judgement or blame or shame.  The way our face changes not only when we are felt and heard, but feel FREE to be ourselves.  In all of our wildness, darkness, extreme love and blinding light?! Holy shit. 

Imagine if EVERYTHING you feel is ALRIGHT??!!!

It takes a lot of practice to come into a place where we can be really honest about where we are at. When we don't feel like it's ok to be and feel what we feel or do, forget it! It takes a TON of self-awareness, courage to learn again and again about the magic of new beginnings, sharing our wisdom, especially when we aren't feeling very "magical".

Some of us have trouble speaking our truth because we don't trust ourselves. Some of us are the first one's to open our mouths and project because we don't trust others.  Either way, as we go and practice meeting one another in places of honesty we discover more and more freedom, trust and surrender into the greater plan that is in store.  Having someone who can really see and honor that is a huge first step in becoming liberated to feel and express what we need and truly want to. And  release who and what we truly are inside.

You are worth the efforts it takes to become real about who you are, what you've faced and how you will share your gifts with the world.  We need your unique expression here to bring about more positive change and expansion. Who are you to hold that back because you haven' t done it perfectly, or enough up until now?!

Many of us hide the way we feel, or push it away with blame.  Then we end up reacting from a place of hurt, wounded-ness and pride, jealousy, rage, ect... Even Ram Dass talks about sitting in his bathtub in a fit of jealous rage.  (love this image). And this was after he met his guru and became a spiritual teacher.  

Most of us don't know how to properly communicate anger because most have not felt safe to do so. So we hold it in and it blows up later, or it turns into really gnarly and toxic self-hate and abandon of ourselves or others.  The easiest way to punish someone is to push them out of your heart. None of us are mean people or want to do this and work hard not to, but these are ways we were taught and now have the opportunity to shift.

Most of us are terrified of other people's anger many times for good reasons. As we evolve as "spiritually connected" beings, anger becomes something that is looked down upon at times.  Pushed to the side.  Replaced with gratitude which is always an important practice and great medicine, when it actually works.  Sometimes you have try many times before it sticks. 

The truth is that we all need a place where we can share the ways we have been hurt, and be heard by someone who can hold us in a lot of love as we do so.  

We learn to do this so we can transform that hurt into a recognition of your gifts in this life. Not to wallow in the past, but to see how it got you to where you are, and how to use it to wake up into even more trust, openness, compassion, and vulnerability.

Freeing up hurt and resentment in your heart liberates your voice and potential to CREATE!  It frees up your ability to communicate effectively and also provides the fearlessness needed to openly share your bodies wisdom and creative impulse.  Writing angry letters, connecting to your heart in meditation, using the voice as a guide for release, and using the power of chanting are all ways that can help you start to clear away that which is keeping your true self locked away.

Your voice is intertwined with the vulnerability of your heart.  You feel threatened, you yell and blame, or hide and cry.  It is important to get that stuff "off our chests". Your heart is the filter in which everything you experience in life flows through, imagine all of that on top of your chest. It would be pretty hard to breathe, never mind speak the authenticity of your deepest heart wishes and desires.  We can all say, speak your truth, live your truth, but we all know, it's not always that easy. It's a process to be enjoyed along the way. We are rewriting the ways in which we have been conditioned.  It's EXCITING, and hard and such a true blessing.

The further we go, the more opportunity we have to heal and open! We learn how to work with what is current and present in our lives and how to move forward as a force who knows we've endured heartbreak, grief, trauma, inability to speak or be truly heard, to help others go through it and grow from it. 

When I began to teach yoga I remember how deeply it mirrored my insecurity, shame and blame towards myself.  It has been a huge process to become a teacher who can now show up and be relatively clear and listen to other people speak through their bodies and hearts. I remember when I taught for my final at the end of my training, I burst into self-hating tears because I felt so vulnerable.  

My initial reaction was "I fucked up." I felt like a child, and I was in that moment.  I had no idea how to process the emotions I was feeling. They were probably essentially great liberating emotions that I was not able to recognize.  I immediately went to my default which was to feel like I did something wrong.  Self-blame is a big theme for my life and something that has kept me unable to speak in many situations. And underneath all that are my gifts as a teacher and healer in the fiery power of the voice and heart.

Shame and blame are the biggest joy and communication killers out there.  Now it doesn't mean that we should ignore them all the time, but give ourselves a moment to explore the ways in which they have held us back.  When we speak, take a moment to ask... what do I want to to say, and am I rooted in my strength when I am speaking? Can I start anyway even if I'm not sure?

Vulnerability on the path comes from making mistakes.  It comes from doing our best and when we fail miserably, it comes in the standing back up, a little beaten but softer and open because of it.  It comes in allowing ourselves to be held, by Grace, by someone who loves us unconditionally, so we can just be who we are for a minute without "trying".  Being in a spiritual community for some years really helped me develop the ability to share my heart, listen and hold space for others on a deep level and begin to feel safe in the vulnerability of my love.  What a gift!  

It's so satisfying to hear other people share the experiences that they have of their hearts, even when they are nervous or don't know what to say.  It's amazing to feel people when they are so open.  It almost doesn't matter what they say.  You can feel what they mean because you are right there with them.  It's like swimming in the ocean, or feeling your feet on the dirt, or letting your eyes soften to take in the sky's relentless beauty- you unravel through connecting to the openness of the moment.

When we chant or share in a loving environment, God is there so obviously there ready to take it all.  God is not afraid of your anger or hurt, embarrassment and resentments.  God is a badass who can hold a space for you to heal and evolve no matter what.  

We learn from each other, we learn from nature, and we learn from our relationship to a higher power. We learn about how we are held back, and we learn how to move forward, by being where we are. Not by feeling like we should be somewhere else. 

Sometimes we have to go back to pick up pieces of our soul that got left behind or taken. Ultimately we learn how to bask in the beautiful warmth inside, right where we are. We create a container for truth and love within our own bodies and lives. Past hurts and resentments are actually the gifts that give us the insecurities to move through, so that we too can know wholeness.  

We can feel the satisfaction in moving through something insanely uncomfortable because we know how much compassion, and openness is inside that discomfort. Maybe it's part of why we find ourselves drawn to what is scary and uncomfortable to begin with.  So we can open more and go deeper into our own souls journey as healers, and lovers of truth.

This weekend in LA I will be a leading a workshop at Yogala to help women unlock their voices and connect to their creativity.  Next month in Brooklyn I'll be leading a Reiki Love workshop this December with one of my long time friends, and amazing healer Lula.  You will get certified in Reiki 1 or 2, and you will learn how to practice vulnerability and expanding your container to hold love. Click here to learn more and email me at adriana@awakenedfeminine.org to sign up!  Limited spaces : )

Adriana RizzoloComment
Trying to remember : one precious life
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The thing is, it's all a dream, right? We get what we want, we don't, and the Love, we find, is what remains. Love is like the dreamcatcher of our souls journey.

The other night I had a dream of a car accident. I didn't remember all the details, but I knew I was involved and that no one was hurt. It felt reflective of the preciousness of life I've been having dips into lately, after some time swimming upstream and wanting so badly to quit. 

Last night I was driving through the windy roads by my house, and I watched a car loose control, crash and flip over coming in the other direction. I stopped and immediately got out of my car (in my socks) and ran to the accident. As I approached it this girl came crawling out, almost looked like she was floating and the weight of her terrified body landed right my arms. I could tell that she was ok physically. I asked if there was anyone else in the car as I looked at the airbag and broken glass. There wasn't. She didn't want me to let her go for a long time. She called her dad as I held her close to my heart.

I could feel her precious life and love in my arms, and could sense the angels that protected and practically lifted her out from the car. Other people followed up on the scene to help, and after the ambulance arrived, I went home.

Thepreciousness of life was so apparent in that moment. But the truth is that it always is. And it's part of why we naturally hold so tightly sometimes to things we love.  We forget about the bigger plans God has in store for us.

I've tried HARD, to hold things - keep them together and the way I want them to look. Take those expanded, ecstatic states and stretch them so far I forget what the heck I'm even doing. Other times I get insanely addicted to some painful story or emotion. But when it comes down to it I get there, even kicking and screaming, because I'm a freedom junkie.

Then I remember I'm just here to help people. That's it. How simple! How exciting! And, what that means is that I must keep going, evolving and showing up in new sometimes  amazing, sometimes challenging circumstances. Not just for me, but for the world. For the greater good of all, and partially because I like a challenge and always have.

The other thing is, one of those people I am here to take care of... is me. When all things always change, we have the opportunity to learn that the connection we build is still there. Some days we know what to do, where to go and everyone's smiling with us, and other days we don't, and their not. ;)

Do you know this experience, where you are feeling something awful, terror or grief and everything is saying.. NO YOU CAN'T DO IT! You can't possibly change or let go anymore. The energy of transformation rattling your cage.

Let go or be dragged is one of the teachings I always remember for a good darn reason! The rough patches in this beautiful journey are filled with all of your limiting beliefs and strong desires to just give up.  They're supposed to be I guess.  The persistence and getting back up no matter how many times we fall is the thing "dreams" are made of, right?

These old parts of you that need some love instead of asking for it, go thrashing. Why don't they just ask? For most of us, no one ever taught us that we were ok no matter what. Some of us were taught that if we weren't needed in some way, we are less than. Some of us have no idea that the power we hold inside deserves to be honored greatly and deeply. Intimately and with care.  Because we've never had that, or that part of us has been taken advantage of or used in some way in unconsciousness. And it's just plain scary to stand up and be new on our own.  More than most of us admit. Who would we be if we didn't carry the weight of anyone else? Who are you when you let your own drama and bullshit go? Who's there in those moments?

To open our hearts to all things in this world is not easy, and is a process that's needs the support of powers that are inside and all around breathing within us and holding our vision when we can't or don't. When we learn how to face new layers of wounds that have held us back from the womb, it's takes a minute.  And a lot of Love.

We are here to show others what is possible with our vulnerability and truth. One on one, in groups, on social media. The more we move through, the more comfortable and safe others will feel in our presence. Including us.

God has been my lover for a little while, but the other day I spontaneously asked God to be my business partner. Because I just don't always trust myself, and I'm working on it, but I trust God more (and hey let's be real, I'm co-dependent.) I realized the part of me that doesn't like to be alone, is the part of me that is also so devoted and fierce about living a life of service, deep authentic connection, with purpose, true happiness and the BEST love. And together ... God and I make a great team! 

Years ago in India I remember asking my teacher ... do we ALWAYS have to wake up in a mess?! Haha.  I was obviously beginning to see my patterns.  I believe he said something like... yes, but that the time we stay in it gets shorter.  Other times we avoid them altogether. He said something to that effect. Our awareness of the Divine expands, and we don't stay stuck for too long. We begin to know options on the path. That's why we do the work.  Not to stop doing the work, (which is what i'm always  kinda looking to do haha), but to use "the work" as the essence and core of our precious lives.  It's obvious in people who have been at it for a while like my teachers, elders in the spiritual community, or like  Ram Dass. Take a good long look at him.

The bottoms we hit build our relationship to strength and show us how much more we can trust. When we really need it, most of us find that Grace has been there all along. It's not that we have to suffer essentially, but if it's your dharma to be a warrior of love, then you must keep that fire burning, even after you get burned. You have to stand back up into the arms of Grace.

The path we take to fulfill these precious lives, our hearts longings and wishes is one of service, and a commitment to return to Love no matter how far we stray. To do Gods will takes a tremendous amount of courage and persistence. Because you are doing big things.  Not that they always look big, they will look different for a ll of us, but nonetheless being able to show up fully in this crazy ass world with your HEART open is a big deal. How you help others no matter what that looks like is a big deal. Because how else would we learn about the magical, divine preciousness of life.

When we wake up, we remember the preciousness of life and the power of Love. We all want to feel love and we all want to belong. And when our worlds are reflecting that JOY! And when they aren't, we have an opportunity to go deeper into our worlds as healers, and lovers and as warriors of the truth, friends, lovers, mothers and business partners of God. (sometimes after a period of kicking and screaming).

I love to witness and be a part of others peoples healing and transformation. It's the most satisfying thing in the world to me to be able to be a support for what is good in the world. I imagine you feel the same. It's why we're here.

Call someone you know needs some love, or reach out for your own heart of you need it, and share kindness and warmth with those around you. Bring enthusiasm into your work and your day, and see what happens. None of us want to live in a world where we are too busy for that.

You and God take good care of your precious life and heart, and I'll do the same. That way, when we come together, magic naturally unfolds.

I love you ... and I see your precious life and heart, even when you think it's in the dark. 

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Adriana RizzoloComment
feminine freedom friend in god

this is a story about the one that comes in all shapes, colors, sizes, smells and sounds. it's about re-friending god after a vacation on some cruise ship you thought you made it very clear you didn't want to go on, but somehow someone, something... had a different, way better, plan.  for your heart and for your life.  for your wisdom to be uncovered in a more true and authentic way. for your ability to trust yourself and your life. Easy to see when things are going your way, hard when they're not. Nonetheless true.

this is about finding god in the details of one afternoon. in the falling a parts, in the coming togethers, finding god in how we heal when we're together, or apart, or when chewing your healthy breakfast through tears you don't understand but know are important. in the freedom to trust the wildness and deep unexplainable desires of the heart, in how we pursue our paths and passions, and mostly, as much I personally dislike this fact, in the grays of life and love. 

this friend you're out to find, is not someone else's version of God or good for that matter, but the ever evolving, supportive best friend, business partner, lover, mirror and muse your soul, could ever ask for. 

...

theses days, i like to walk and run later in the day, when the sun is still warm but seems to be moving faster than it did the first half.  this particular day i invited god to come along, i said "meet me over in the park in an hour, i'll feel better if you get there first, alright?" this way i could follow and just see what happens, I was longing to listen to my  body, yearning to show up and feel my energy matched. Who better than God for that?! 

we began our walk and an impulse arose. i ran and ran and ran. as fast as i could until i felt the sharp edges of my heart and had to breath so that i could hear my breath. i slowed down, i stopped, i walked and took in as many things as i could possibly see with soft eyes and a fast pumping heart.  i felt my heart.  i thanked my sweet heart and let it soften into the pangs of the shortness of breath.  i felt my breath.  i felt how it's always there, and tried to imagine what was behind it.  what is your motive anyway breath?!

i came upon an older woman in a pink shirt, with long legs, short grey hair.  she looked like she knew something good so i watched her for awhile. every so often i would stop to look at the movement of the trees or into the brush were i heard a snake or a lizard making its way.  other times i watched as she would stop and look out to the mountains across the way, wave the air towards her face with just a few quick movements, then continued on her way.  

i watched how connected she was to the earth as she swayed and hopped down the hill over the small, broken rocks and dirt. i sent her love.  i prayed that i would a long life of good health, helping others. i wondered if she had a husband or a wife… children?  we watched some deer together and their big eyes looking into our feminine souls, and soon after we said hello. i got so detracted by everything that was i almost forgot god was with me.  i wondered if this woman knew that we had a mutual friend with us on this hike. soon after, i sat down on a bench and watched her disappear around a bend.

her presence was replaced by bluejays, hawks and hummingbirds. i felt the sound of the wind occupying the space in between my ears for the first time all day. so many sounds, so much movement in this one place that doesn't ever move, but was so alive and full of life. this inner voice spoke up sweetly and said ... "they are all different voices and expressions of just one thing."

immediately the thought, Ram came in. in India, sometimes it sounds like everything is saying, pulsating, smelling tasting, banging, releasing the mantra … Ram. and there as god and i sat together on this bench in a state park in California, with the sky and the birds and the earth and the ocean so close you could taste it, was Ram. over there, over here. out there, in here.

in that moment I remembered where i was, and why i was there, why this breath. how much this heart knew. 

continuing on the this walk with god we began on the tiny beaten down paths off the main one. those are the ones I try to explore often, see where they go, see how far I can get until the thorns become too large and prickly to move past. the next bench that we ran up on, was tucked inside some trees, covering and supporting.  we had a seat and had some conversations with people i don't get to talk to so much anymore. much like a meditation exploration, I began to talk. out loud, practicing saying exactly what I wasted to say, without holding anything back.  i've done this a bunch with writing, but out loud, to the safety of this little quiet nook, the beauty of this trees arms, and openness of the sky expanding behind, was a new moment. of freedom to speak what is true, and have it be received so easily by god.  

on the walk back... joy, relief, love and sadness all at once arose and released. i looked to the sky for support. i remembered something someone recently shared… "don't confuse how you're doing, with how you're feeling."  so i stayed in my core and let everything move, as i asked god to be my friend again. and perhaps it's no bother when I walk away, to god, it fucks me up pretty bad.  i started to wonder if it was a game.  how close can you get and then live in your life with everything you've experienced, potentially not meaning much more than the meaning we choose to give it. awakening is a funny path to thread with so many twists and gusts of wind and so much happiness and M O M E N T S of ecstatic love, heartbreak, boredom, passion, all along the way.

when i got home, i asked god to do my work with me, because when i'm alone it's harder to believe in my success.  i've always wanted someone else's help., or someone else to do it for me, as embarrassing as that is. a partner, a man, a friend. anyone but just me!

Anyone besides trusting that me, with all these funky beliefs and tendencies and deep patterns, could show up and get the job done. especially the good work.  who am i to do good, helpful work for others. me?!  it still consistently surprises me each time i feel and know i am helping another woman.  it is so satisfying to my soul.  not just the part of me that wants love.  the part of me that wants to live my truth in a way that no one else can.  the way that i know god wants me to live.  

what i realized was it's hard to believe that i don't need to lean on anyone else to live my dharma fully and fearlessly. because god was there to help me and work with me, work through me.  not just when I'm channeling it, but now.  right now.  for no reason. that relationship that consistently changes and grows but keeps showing up, is the most important one i have. because i forget how blessed my life is sometimes, and that i am in fact a sober, healthy amazing woman. who knew?

without my friend it's hard to remember that i am a mother of the earth and of my own life, both inner and outer. that my heart is always loving no matter what i try to do to stop it sometimes. it's easy for me to feel your strength, and the ocean is teaching me a lot about mine.

i realized why the pictures that we paint, are so oftentimes not the truth of our realities. this is how we cope, this is how we get along in relationship with each other. this is how we create businesses and lives that help other people. i've learned though walking with my friend that we all have someone we can serve, no matter where we are. through this soul work with women, i have learned there are layers and depth to all of our healing, and that at the core, in this feminine soul and spirit, we are all perfect.  my teacher over the years relentlessly, god bless his soul, has brought me back to this place inside. for guidance, safety, healing, truth, and love.  

there's a new presence in this cooler air, in the sound of these old trees swaying, and it is one of independence, of compassion and connection, and of a deep yearning for intimacy and truth within and with each other.  new conversations and smiles.  new friends, old friends feeling new, radical aloneness, with god.  no matter what, your friend is not afraid, and will continue to guide you towards the truth of your own heart. again and again. in the meantime, we do out best to serve ourselves and the worlds we live in, and stay connected to our truth through all turbulence and triumph. 

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Adriana RizzoloComment
Hooray for YOU

While walking on your path of learning self care, you begin to feel safe enough to ask for the things your heart desires and what your soul already knows is true for you. The love, the vision, the trust, the sacrifices, the adventure, the intuitive and psychic hits you receive. All of it. You begin to value your self because you have tasted what you are beyond the limitations of your mind. You know the beauty of that sunset and the ocean and deserts and that moon- lives inside you and you learn to honor it, set it free. You relearn how to pray. You practice asking for what you want because you know that you will help others open and heal once you get it. As Clarissa Pinkola Estes teaches, this asking, "what do I want?" is what keeps you in your W I L D I S H P O W E R!

Something shifts and you become willing to put in the work it takes to get there. Self care is a knowing of who and what you truly are on the most subtle and expansive level, and also how to take care of the body and heart and mind that that B I G B E A U T I F U L energy moves through. Self care is that voice inside that you listen to or ignore. It's all a part of it. And it's all learning process. H O O R A Y for self care and hooray for all the ideas you have of it that don't seem to always work. Hooray for you fumbling figuring out what you need and stuttering and being humbled as you ask for what you want. Hooray for you feeling scared and terrified to get it! Hooray for our teachers and the ones who have paved the way and Hooray for the distance to look at the embarrassing and dreadful things we do sometimes and laugh.

Hooray for L A U G H I N G and for self care as a path of feminine freedom. Hooray for your hearts wishes and desires and hooray for your beautiful, messy LIFE! It's what's happening, and it's up to you to get the guidance and support you need from the world to let that wild soul energy speak and create. One step and breath at a time! Xo ‪#‎awakenedfeminine‬ ‪#‎soulbeauty‬ ‪#‎wildishpower‬ ‪#‎femininefreedom‬‪#‎selfcarelikewhattt‬ ‪#‎selflove‬ ‪#‎lovehardlivetrue‬ ‪#‎livingmeditation‬ ‪#‎iloveyou‬

Adriana RizzoloComment